|
|
 Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
  
| cranky B4 10am - 2015-12-23 7:55 AM ThreeCorners - 2015-12-23 7:13 AM He tried telling his wife she had nothing to worry about and that the "friend" was "Older". The wife pushed for a dinner get together. Husband at first thought good idea and then refused. A few weeks went by and then the 2 drivers were stuck for 2 days at a truck stop due to weather, the wife again pushed for a dinner meeting because the "friend" was sitting right there also. So they had dinner at a local restaurant last weekend. She was feeling very positive about the dinner get together and was just certain she was going to meet a "older" plain jane granny type. Ummm, no. In walks a cute little blond definatelly younger!!!!! Far from the older granny type he tried to paint her as. Wife said she deserved a medal for sitting there shining it all on and acting like everything was a-ok. They ( husband as friend) spent the whole time talking about how much they know each other,how much they have in common, how much she detests church and christians, and she even likes to bake and brought him cookies the week prior!!!! When the wife got her dinner and her baked potatoe was VERY undercooked, the trucker "friend" popped off with "Most people like it hard." Who on earth turns a undercooked baked potatoe into a raunchy sexual joke remark? No, the dinner didnt help the wife at all and when she made any kind of unfavorable account of this dinner to the husband after they left, he defended this friend and belittled the wife for not thinking she's as wonderfull and funny as the husband does. Oh heck no, his ship has sailed. He blatantly lied about her, which is its own is a huge red flag, and then he defends the other woman..... nope, he is done and gone.
And I agree with classicpotatochip, I would pack his stuff and have it waiting for him outside, new locks and if needed the sheriff....
edited because I can't spell.
Ditto | |
| | |
  Warmblood with Wings
Posts: 27846
 
Location: Florida.. | Normally I always give benefit of doubt because I know men and women can be friends.. but the coworker was being disrespectful to YOU when she was saying lil sexual inuendos at dinner and that to me says she doesnt want nor care how you feel towards her and that is trouble..when there is no respect then its not fixable.... when your not around it may be worse which your husband is clouded right now.. he needs to remove hisself from the situation .. out of respect for you and your marriage..If he chooses to ignore your request or ignore the situation then hes in to deep.. emotionally... and carelessly.. its his fault as much as the coworkers .. they are carrying on and having fun.. Id let him know that this fling will only be fun for awhile then he will be alone.. you will not be there waiting so either fix the situation or get out..its disrespectful to you.. I never advocate divorce or leaving but respect is gone.. bad bad bad...
Edited by Bibliafarm 2015-12-23 8:20 AM
| |
| | |
 Extreme Veteran
Posts: 336
Location: Missouri | classicpotatochip - 2015-12-23 7:47 AM
ThreeCorners - 2015-12-23 7:13 AM
He tried telling his wife she had nothing to worry about and that the "friend" was "Older". The wife pushed for a dinner get together. Husband at first thought good idea and then refused. A few weeks went by and then the 2 drivers were stuck for 2 days at a truck stop due to weather, the wife again pushed for a dinner meeting because the "friend" was sitting right there also. So they had dinner at a local restaurant last weekend. She was feeling very positive about the dinner get together and was just certain she was going to meet a "older" plain jane granny type. Ummm, no. In walks a cute little blond definatelly younger!!!!! Far from the older granny type he tried to paint her as. Wife said she deserved a medal for sitting there shining it all on and acting like everything was a-ok. They ( husband as friend) spent the whole time talking about how much they know each other,how much they have in common, how much she detests church and christians, and she even likes to bake and brought him cookies the week prior!!!! When the wife got her dinner and her baked potatoe was VERY undercooked, the trucker "friend" popped off with "Most people like it hard." Who on earth turns a undercooked baked potatoe into a raunchy sexual joke remark?  No, the dinner didnt help the wife at all and when she made any kind of unfavorable account of this dinner to the husband after they left, he defended this friend and belittled the wife for not thinking she's as wonderfull and funny as the husband does.
Yes, but at any time, did she put her fork down, make eye contact, and say, "So are you two having sex with each other, or are you planning to?" and see what happened next?
I'm very direct, though I was raised with good manners. I would be very seriously wanting to know, so that I could react properly.
It would probably go like this:
"So tell me something, so that I can make the proper response and possibly appointments.", then, having hopefully gained their full attention, I would drop the above sex question to them. Then I would go from there. Then honestly, and without much weight on the answer, I'd help him move his stuff to a hotel room. Emotional affairs are so much worse than just physical ones. By helping I mean he gets home, the locks have changed, and his stuff is in plastic tubs on the porch. Depending on his personality, so might the Sheriff.
It might just be a case of a man being twitterpated and wishing he had a shot at someone completely different, but you know what? That's simply unacceptable. The second my husband prefers another females company to mine, that's when he's free to rock out. Oh and provide half of everything he and we own. And alimony.
As far as her coarse behavior, well, she's a truck driver. Having dinner with another truck driver. I don't know if anyone here spends any time listening to CBs as they roll down our nations interstates, but it can sure get bad tasting quick.
The sad thing with men and women alike, is that the only things, good and bad, that continue are the ones you allow.
No advice...sounds like she has a tough choice to make..but wanted to say I LOVE this.. " the only things, good and bad, that continue are the ones you allow". | |
| | |
10D Crack Champion
| ThreeCorners - 2015-12-23 7:13 AM
He tried telling his wife she had nothing to worry about and that the "friend" was "Older". The wife pushed for a dinner get together. Husband at first thought good idea and then refused. A few weeks went by and then the 2 drivers were stuck for 2 days at a truck stop due to weather, the wife again pushed for a dinner meeting because the "friend" was sitting right there also. So they had dinner at a local restaurant last weekend. She was feeling very positive about the dinner get together and was just certain she was going to meet a "older" plain jane granny type. Ummm, no. In walks a cute little blond definatelly younger!!!!! Far from the older granny type he tried to paint her as. Wife said she deserved a medal for sitting there shining it all on and acting like everything was a-ok. They ( husband as friend) spent the whole time talking about how much they know each other,how much they have in common, how much she detests church and christians, and she even likes to bake and brought him cookies the week prior!!!! When the wife got her dinner and her baked potatoe was VERY undercooked, the trucker "friend" popped off with "Most people like it hard." Who on earth turns a undercooked baked potatoe into a raunchy sexual joke remark?  No, the dinner didnt help the wife at all and when she made any kind of unfavorable account of this dinner to the husband after they left, he defended this friend and belittled the wife for not thinking she's as wonderfull and funny as the husband does.
 Actually the dinner did help the wife she just doesn't seem to know it. She needs to analyze the whole thing and decide her next move. Only she knows really what kind of relationship these two have and what needs to be done about it. A bit off topic.....the "hates Christians comment". Does he hate Christians as well? What about your friend, the wife? That seems like odd dinner conversation and an odd thing to have in common. How old are all people involved? Trucker or not the potato joke was weird. I know truckers who know when and where to be appropriate. I can only imagine their conversations if she felt comfortable enough to say that. | |
| | |
 A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | So where was the female truckers husband during this dinner meeting? | |
| | |
Elite Veteran
Posts: 1079
| I must have missed something, the dinner had already happened prior to this thread being created? I thought the dinner was a brand new suggestion by the BB on pg 2. I feel like a lot of information could have been derived from the dinner and included in the original post.
He sounds more and more like a loser who deserves the crude blonde truck driver. | |
| | |
 Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9991
Location: Kansas | ah heck no!!! If I sat down with her at a dinner, and she started in on the sexual innuendos....i would slap the little hussy across her face. NO! | |
| | |
 I Am Always Right
Posts: 4264
Location: stray dump capital of the world | Sounds like he wants his cake and eat it too. I'd draw a line in the sand. If he says she's driving him away, it's because he wants no accountability for his actions. He just wants to place the blame on her, so she can be big, bad wife who doesn't understand him. Draw the line and see what he chooses. If it's not her, pack his crap, leave it on the porch and change the locks. Before drawing the line; however, stash some cash. | |
| | |
 Elite Veteran
Posts: 929
| ThreeCorners - 2015-12-22 4:48 AM
 I am posting for a friend. She isnt a member here but can read the board. I told her she can get alot of perspective here from everyone far removed from her personal life. My husband drives truck as does hers so I can certainly relate but I may be to close to the circumstances to offer unbiased advice and opinions. You know the old saying "To close to the forest to see the tree's", so here goes.
  Her husband drives truck for a large trucking company. He has been with this company for over 10 years. He is gone on the road 5 days a week and home 2. They have a new hire, been there about 2 months. It is a woman. He met her at a truck stop in another state and started talking because they drive for the same company. Turns out, she has the same day out a week as he does, and the same time out each morning. They also go to the same state first run of the week. So they leave the gate pretty much the same time and end up driving tailing each other all the way through 3 states. They also end up spending the night when they are out of drive time at the same truck stop each week that first night out and tailing each other back. They have become close friends and talk on the phone numerous times a day, every day amounting to hours spent on the phone each day and meals together at least on that first run of the week. She has noticed a marked attitude change in him lately.   She is having a very hard time with this "friendship" with this other woman. It has become a point of disention between her and her husband. Many fights, and many tears on her part and much frustration on his part. She has told him numerous times he needs to tone it down and not be talking to her so much and spending so much time with her. He says he likes her and enjoys her company and thinks she's funny. Tells her she will just have to "get over it" he's not going to stop talking to her and he's not going to be rude to a co-worker. He tries to make out his wife is crazy for having a problem with this and it is her problem, not his. So, what say you all? Is she wound up for nothing or is this "friendship" crossing the line?   ** edited** to add, she ?also wants advice on how to handle this situation. What would you do?
ANYbody, male or female that is making me uncomfortable is someone my husband will dump immediately out of respect for me and our marriage. Same goes for me, if my husband doesn't like a girl friend of mine or doesn't like that I spend so much time hanging out with Guy X from work...done. But then again I am not a jealous person and neither is he. I do believe that his friendship with his co-worker should not cut into the time he has with his wife or his family since he can spend "work" time with this person. | |
| | |
 Expert
Posts: 3782
Location: Gainesville, TX | Check out Love Must Be Tough. Great book. Deals very directly and practically with issues like this. | |
| | |
 Extreme Veteran
Posts: 434
Location: Northwest Florida | ThreeCorners - 2015-12-23 7:13 AM
He tried telling his wife she had nothing to worry about and that the "friend" was "Older". The wife pushed for a dinner get together. Husband at first thought good idea and then refused. A few weeks went by and then the 2 drivers were stuck for 2 days at a truck stop due to weather, the wife again pushed for a dinner meeting because the "friend" was sitting right there also. So they had dinner at a local restaurant last weekend. She was feeling very positive about the dinner get together and was just certain she was going to meet a "older" plain jane granny type. Ummm, no. In walks a cute little blond definatelly younger!!!!! Far from the older granny type he tried to paint her as. Wife said she deserved a medal for sitting there shining it all on and acting like everything was a-ok. They ( husband as friend) spent the whole time talking about how much they know each other,how much they have in common, how much she detests church and christians, and she even likes to bake and brought him cookies the week prior!!!! When the wife got her dinner and her baked potatoe was VERY undercooked, the trucker "friend" popped off with "Most people like it hard." Who on earth turns a undercooked baked potatoe into a raunchy sexual joke remark?  No, the dinner didnt help the wife at all and when she made any kind of unfavorable account of this dinner to the husband after they left, he defended this friend and belittled the wife for not thinking she's as wonderfull and funny as the husband does.
YIKES
This is my first time reading this entire thread and my mouth dropped open at this one. The husband's lying and the other woman's lack of common decency. This is OBVIOUSLY an affair in the works if it's not one already.
I feel for the wife. I know it would be hard, but I would absolutely DEMAND he cut contact with her completely or the marriage would be over. (Sounds to me like that's what he wants anyway).
I wouldn't do as others are saying and contact the other woman. Honestly with the way you describe her, I feel that knowing she's causing marital problems may motivate her to cause some more. This is the husband's decision to make. His wife or his new little friend.
In my opinion she's better off without him. | |
| | |
 pressure dripper
Posts: 8696
Location: the end of the rainbow | Having been in her shoes I can say if he isn't physically cheating he is most certainly cheating on his wife emotionally. Which is in my opinion just as hurtful. I can't say its worth ending a marriage over - a similar situation happened to make my marriage much stronger in the long run - but it does certainly need to be addressed and dealt with by both parties.I am sorry for your friend, this is a tough time of year for this kind of drama. | |
| | |
 Hog Tie My Mojo
Posts: 4847
Location: Opelousas, LA | She need to ask her hubby where he thinks this affair is going, have a nice calm conversation with him on where he sees himself and his "friend" in a year. If he is not having sex with her, he sure wants to and he is at the very least cheating emotionaly. She needs to let him know that she does want him but won't tolerate getting the leftovers, he is either all in or he is free to leave, his choice.
I have seen women like the girlfriend before, they have huge issues to say the least. They thrive on being everything the wife isn't, it pumps her ego to hear it from him and the attention she gives him is like crack to an addict. When he becomes available by leaving his wife for her, the magic will be over. It will be too late for him to salvage his marriage and he will never see it coming.
| |
| | |
 Dancing in my Mind
Posts: 3062
Location: Eastern OH but my heart is in WV | ThreeCorners - 2015-12-23 7:13 AM
He tried telling his wife she had nothing to worry about and that the "friend" was "Older". The wife pushed for a dinner get together. Husband at first thought good idea and then refused. A few weeks went by and then the 2 drivers were stuck for 2 days at a truck stop due to weather, the wife again pushed for a dinner meeting because the "friend" was sitting right there also. So they had dinner at a local restaurant last weekend. She was feeling very positive about the dinner get together and was just certain she was going to meet a "older" plain jane granny type. Ummm, no. In walks a cute little blond definatelly younger!!!!! Far from the older granny type he tried to paint her as. Wife said she deserved a medal for sitting there shining it all on and acting like everything was a-ok. They ( husband as friend) spent the whole time talking about how much they know each other,how much they have in common, how much she detests church and christians, and she even likes to bake and brought him cookies the week prior!!!! When the wife got her dinner and her baked potatoe was VERY undercooked, the trucker "friend" popped off with "Most people like it hard." Who on earth turns a undercooked baked potatoe into a raunchy sexual joke remark?  No, the dinner didnt help the wife at all and when she made any kind of unfavorable account of this dinner to the husband after they left, he defended this friend and belittled the wife for not thinking she's as wonderfull and funny as the husband does.
Sounds like it is time to hire the detective, get the proof and take him for everything he is worth. He is already cheating.
I don't say things like that lightly. To often I think people just walk away from their marriages without trying hard enough but I personally, have no tolerance for cheating.
I have a male co-worker that I think the world of. We have a nice friendship BUT there are clear "unspoken" boundaries we both respect. I have met his wife and kids several times, as has he mine. Can't say we have ever met up outside of the office either. So I don't have a problem with him having a female co-worker as a friend but he has went far beyond appropriate boundaries. | |
| | |
Rad Dork
Posts: 5218
Location: Oklahoma | BigStarBound - 2015-12-23 10:51 AM ThreeCorners - 2015-12-23 7:13 AM He tried telling his wife she had nothing to worry about and that the "friend" was "Older". The wife pushed for a dinner get together. Husband at first thought good idea and then refused. A few weeks went by and then the 2 drivers were stuck for 2 days at a truck stop due to weather, the wife again pushed for a dinner meeting because the "friend" was sitting right there also. So they had dinner at a local restaurant last weekend. She was feeling very positive about the dinner get together and was just certain she was going to meet a "older" plain jane granny type. Ummm, no. In walks a cute little blond definatelly younger!!!!! Far from the older granny type he tried to paint her as. Wife said she deserved a medal for sitting there shining it all on and acting like everything was a-ok. They ( husband as friend) spent the whole time talking about how much they know each other,how much they have in common, how much she detests church and christians, and she even likes to bake and brought him cookies the week prior!!!! When the wife got her dinner and her baked potatoe was VERY undercooked, the trucker "friend" popped off with "Most people like it hard." Who on earth turns a undercooked baked potatoe into a raunchy sexual joke remark? No, the dinner didnt help the wife at all and when she made any kind of unfavorable account of this dinner to the husband after they left, he defended this friend and belittled the wife for not thinking she's as wonderfull and funny as the husband does. YIKES This is my first time reading this entire thread and my mouth dropped open at this one. The husband's lying and the other woman's lack of common decency. This is OBVIOUSLY an affair in the works if it's not one already. I feel for the wife. I know it would be hard, but I would absolutely DEMAND he cut contact with her completely or the marriage would be over. (Sounds to me like that's what he wants anyway ). I wouldn't do as others are saying and contact the other woman. Honestly with the way you describe her, I feel that knowing she's causing marital problems may motivate her to cause some more. This is the husband's decision to make. His wife or his new little friend. In my opinion she's better off without him.
I couldn't agree with this more. My husbad and I went through a very, very similiar situation with some close friends. The cheating husband and mistress (she was married as well) THRIVED on the pain and suffering they brought onto the wife. The more distraught she got the less they tried to hide what was happening and would go out of their way to cause her more grief. Husband blamed it all on the wife. I think her only regret at this point was letting it go on for so long. They are now in the process of a nasty divorce. I hope your friend's marriage can overcome this. She is in my prayers. I don't like to advocate for divorce, but I'd be putting my exit plan together. | |
| | |
Veteran
Posts: 285
| I'm sorry to the wife. :( I think I would try to talk to him one more time and if he wouldn't listen, pack his bags. That should wake him up and he will decide who is more important. ( which wifey should be) by the way, you're not crazy, men say that when their p*ssed. This is what I would do, but then again I've never been married. | |
| | |
 Elite Veteran
Posts: 679
Location: KS | I'm not much help, but just want to send a LOT of hugs and prayers to your friend. This is time she is going need MAJOR love and support whether he is cheating or not. Feeling disrespected by someone you love and trust is not a good feeling. Maybe you can take her out and invite the girls. Just have a fun girls night. That way she knows, no matter what, she still has people who are there for her.
| |
| | |
Veteran
Posts: 285
| ACowgirlsLastRun - 2015-12-23 1:54 PM
I'm not much help, but just want to send a LOT of hugs and prayers to your friend. This is time she is going need MAJOR love and support whether he is cheating or not. Feeling disrespected by someone you love and trust is not a good feeling. Maybe you can take her out and invite the girls. Just have a fun girls night. That way she knows, no matter what, she still has people who are there for her.
I definetly agree with this! Sending hugs and prayers too. | |
| | |
Tried and True
Posts: 21185
Location: Where I am happiest | sodapop - 2015-12-23 9:11 AM ThreeCorners - 2015-12-23 7:13 AM He tried telling his wife she had nothing to worry about and that the "friend" was "Older". The wife pushed for a dinner get together. Husband at first thought good idea and then refused. A few weeks went by and then the 2 drivers were stuck for 2 days at a truck stop due to weather, the wife again pushed for a dinner meeting because the "friend" was sitting right there also. So they had dinner at a local restaurant last weekend. She was feeling very positive about the dinner get together and was just certain she was going to meet a "older" plain jane granny type. Ummm, no. In walks a cute little blond definatelly younger!!!!! Far from the older granny type he tried to paint her as. Wife said she deserved a medal for sitting there shining it all on and acting like everything was a-ok. They ( husband as friend) spent the whole time talking about how much they know each other,how much they have in common, how much she detests church and christians, and she even likes to bake and brought him cookies the week prior!!!! When the wife got her dinner and her baked potatoe was VERY undercooked, the trucker "friend" popped off with "Most people like it hard." Who on earth turns a undercooked baked potatoe into a raunchy sexual joke remark? No, the dinner didnt help the wife at all and when she made any kind of unfavorable account of this dinner to the husband after they left, he defended this friend and belittled the wife for not thinking she's as wonderfull and funny as the husband does. Actually the dinner did help the wife she just doesn't seem to know it. She needs to analyze the whole thing and decide her next move. Only she knows really what kind of relationship these two have and what needs to be done about it. A bit off topic.....the "hates Christians comment". Does he hate Christians as well? What about your friend, the wife? That seems like odd dinner conversation and an odd thing to have in common. How old are all people involved? Trucker or not the potato joke was weird. I know truckers who know when and where to be appropriate. I can only imagine their conversations if she felt comfortable enough to say that.
Actually, the husband and wife are both Christians and were both very active in their church. The husband has even taken their pastor on fishing trips, the wife worked at the church in a outreach program for a couple years, the husband volunteered in outreach programs and he used to go to sat. mornings mens bible study and breakfast. Now his work schedule has him at work on sundays so he hasnt been to church lately and the pastor sent him a personal text last week telling him he missed him and missed seeing him and he hopes he would come to sat mens bible study. He didnt go. All of a sudden he says he has a problem with being to involved with the church and didnt want to go. Well, after her opening conversation.....we all know where that thought is comming from. | |
| | |
Tried and True
Posts: 21185
Location: Where I am happiest | star1218 - 2015-12-23 9:31 AM I must have missed something, the dinner had already happened prior to this thread being created? I thought the dinner was a brand new suggestion by the BB on pg 2. I feel like a lot of information could have been derived from the dinner and included in the original post.
He sounds more and more like a loser who deserves the crude blonde truck driver.
Yes, they went to dinner just this past saturday. Wife was hoping it would put her fears to rest by meeting a "much older" and unattractive woman that her husband would obviously not be interested in. Instead she met a little blond which looked younger but somewhat close to the same age. When asked, the "friend" wouldnt divulge her age. Even after the wife told her how old she was. | |
| |
| |
Folks on-line