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 Warrior Mom
Posts: 4400
 
| Delta Cowgirl - 2016-01-04 6:00 PM
Am I the only one wondering why Daddy does not set some boundaries regarding this behavior? IMHO, he should step up as her father and let her know what is - and is not - appropriate displays of affection with dear old dad.
I agree 100% with this. I've told him that he is absolutely going to have to set boundaries with her because in reality to an outsider looking in he would look like the creepy one. And I expressed to him that her rubbing all over him makes me very uncomfortable too. He's not confrontational and he's always been kind of a pushover when it comes to her but to me this is getting way out of control and honestly it truly disgusts me to watch her do what she does.. | |
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Warrior Mom
Posts: 4400
| outrundaizy - 2016-01-05 12:18 AM
Do you and her have a good relationship? Do you have anything, maybe something from your teenage years you could open up to her about? That could get her talking? It might take a while but building a strong relationship and being a shoulder to lean on may help. Or find her a good counselor. I understond it could be hard if she opens up to you on figuring out what to do. Could you run a background chack on the mothers husband? Just see if anything bad comes up. Is her mother abusive? Something could have happened with a boy at school. 15 is a hard age, you don't understand what love is, but you think you do, and you think the boys at school actually "care" and it's all really just one big mess.
There are so many things that "could be" the problem. It may actually be a simple fix, you never. I had a friend that was raped by a stranger in her back yard when she was 14 and she only told 2 people, me and her other friend, and she was a mess. Attempted suicide, ranaway, into some hard drugs, she was always with a new guy. She has her life sorted out now but it was a long road.
I wish we had a better relationship to be honest. She had a very hard time with me coming into her dad's life and had and still does have issues with my 10 year old daughter ... very jealous tendencies still to this day. When she said she hated me I pulled her aside and tried to have a heart to heart with her and opened up to her about some personal things I'd been thru as a teenager..really didn't bring us closer. She doesn't like when my husband shows affection towards me or my daughter .. you can see it in her face and that's usually when she comes in and starts draping herself on him even more. So yes I think some of this has to do with being jealous and wanting to " mark her territory" so to speak ... anyway.. in her mind.... but I also just have a feeling something happened or is happening to add fuel to the behavior. | |
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 A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
  
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | want2chase3 - 2016-01-05 8:52 AM outrundaizy - 2016-01-05 12:18 AM Do you and her have a good relationship? Do you have anything, maybe something from your teenage years you could open up to her about? That could get her talking? It might take a while but building a strong relationship and being a shoulder to lean on may help. Or find her a good counselor. I understond it could be hard if she opens up to you on figuring out what to do. Could you run a background chack on the mothers husband? Just see if anything bad comes up. Is her mother abusive? Something could have happened with a boy at school. 15 is a hard age, you don't understand what love is, but you think you do, and you think the boys at school actually "care" and it's all really just one big mess.
There are so many things that "could be" the problem. It may actually be a simple fix, you never. I had a friend that was raped by a stranger in her back yard when she was 14 and she only told 2 people, me and her other friend, and she was a mess. Attempted suicide, ranaway, into some hard drugs, she was always with a new guy. She has her life sorted out now but it was a long road. I wish we had a better relationship to be honest. She had a very hard time with me coming into her dad's life and had and still does have issues with my 10 year old daughter ... very jealous tendencies still to this day. When she said she hated me I pulled her aside and tried to have a heart to heart with her and opened up to her about some personal things I'd been thru as a teenager..really didn't bring us closer. She doesn't like when my husband shows affection towards me or my daughter .. you can see it in her face and that's usually when she comes in and starts draping herself on him even more. So yes I think some of this has to do with being jealous and wanting to " mark her territory" so to speak ... anyway.. in her mind.... but I also just have a feeling something happened or is happening to add fuel to the behavior.
So there is jealous actions going on here, shes jealous of you and your daughter, I think your husband needs a heart to heart talk with her and let her know that she will always be his daughter. Her only getting to be with her dad every other week has got to be hard on her, I'm wondering if she was with him more if she would not be doing all this arm and shoulder rubbing, but he needs to be the one to let her know that this does not feel right. Let her know that daddy loves her but hes got room in his heart to love his wife and new daughter. | |
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Warrior Mom
Posts: 4400
| Southtxponygirl - 2016-01-05 9:09 AM
want2chase3 - 2016-01-05 8:52 AM outrundaizy - 2016-01-05 12:18 AM Do you and her have a good relationship? Do you have anything, maybe something from your teenage years you could open up to her about? That could get her talking? It might take a while but building a strong relationship and being a shoulder to lean on may help. Or find her a good counselor. I understond it could be hard if she opens up to you on figuring out what to do. Could you run a background chack on the mothers husband? Just see if anything bad comes up. Is her mother abusive? Something could have happened with a boy at school. 15 is a hard age, you don't understand what love is, but you think you do, and you think the boys at school actually "care" and it's all really just one big mess.
There are so many things that "could be" the problem. It may actually be a simple fix, you never. I had a friend that was raped by a stranger in her back yard when she was 14 and she only told 2 people, me and her other friend, and she was a mess. Attempted suicide, ranaway, into some hard drugs, she was always with a new guy. She has her life sorted out now but it was a long road. I wish we had a better relationship to be honest. She had a very hard time with me coming into her dad's life and had and still does have issues with my 10 year old daughter ... very jealous tendencies still to this day. When she said she hated me I pulled her aside and tried to have a heart to heart with her and opened up to her about some personal things I'd been thru as a teenager..really didn't bring us closer. She doesn't like when my husband shows affection towards me or my daughter .. you can see it in her face and that's usually when she comes in and starts draping herself on him even more. So yes I think some of this has to do with being jealous and wanting to " mark her territory" so to speak ... anyway.. in her mind.... but I also just have a feeling something happened or is happening to add fuel to the behavior.
He's had that talk with her more than once ... as have I and several of his family members she tends to lean towards..... several of those talks ...more one on one time etc etc ... we've tried it all to help EXCEPT family counseling. Which I mentioned to him this morning. The rubbing and hand holding just recently popped up she stayed here for a week for Christmas break so longer than she normally does. | |
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 Thread Killer
Posts: 7545
| Your husband needs to get off his ass and help his daughter. If he doesn't, she is in for a lifetime of misery. There is SO much wrong with this scenario. | |
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Expert
Posts: 1414
| I'm not a counselor or therapist but SOMEONE needs to step up and save this girl before it's too late. She needs a hero and fast. I know a gal that's been through more sexual abuse than you can even imagine. Started by the uncle at a very young age and went on for years. She has DID, last I knew she was up to 9 identities because of the extreme trauma she's been through. The long and the short of it is.....no one came to her rescue. No one had balls enough to take a stand and now SHE'S the one that will pay the price for the rest of her life.
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 Cute Little Imp
Posts: 2747
Location: N Texas | It almost sounds like she's trying to mark her territory. As you suspect, SOMETHING has happened to cause her to be insecure and clingy. Flat out asking her what's going on may not work, because even if she knows something is not right, she may not know how to verbalize it, so she'll say nothing is wrong.
Perhaps her father should speak to her privately and inquire about her sudden change in behavior. Phrase it like "hey, I've noticed you've started being a lot more affectionate and physical, and I was just curious what brought that on?" It could be as innocent as she's seen that behavior between some of her friends and their fathers. When I was a teenager, I worked with another teen girl who was a HUGE daddy's girl. He'd give her piggy-back rides, she'd sit in his lap to watch TV, she'd hold his hand, etc. I always thought it was weird because I never did that stuff with my own dad, but that was just their relationship. Some families are just very affectionate toward one another. | |
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Troll Buster
Posts: 6045
| Just Plain Lucky - 2016-01-05 11:16 AM
Your husband needs to get off his ass and help his daughter. If he doesn't, she is in for a lifetime of misery. There is SO much wrong with this scenario.
^^this. | |
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Warrior Mom
Posts: 4400
| RacinPeggy06 - 2016-01-05 2:50 PM
Just Plain Lucky - 2016-01-05 11:16 AM
Your husband needs to get off his ass and help his daughter. If he doesn't, she is in for a lifetime of misery. There is SO much wrong with this scenario.
^^this.
I agree
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Thread Killer
Posts: 7545
| I've been thinking about this thread all day. It bears resemblance to a scenario in my own childhood. I had a friend who, along with several siblings, was badly abused. The youngest child bore the brunt of it, and it showed in thier behavior. This child was antisocial to the max. Physical contact (a hug, for example) was not appreciated by this person at all and was often followed by threats of violence if closeness was attempted again. In hindsight, they were trying to control who could touch them and where. Something they had no control over at home. They acted out in school as well, saying and doing inappropriate things. Another cry for help, begging for some one to notice. You, OP, mentioned that your step daughter's behavior disgusts you. The child I mentioned did not practice simple personal hygiene and was sent home from school several times because of this. This behavior was disgusting to many, obviously. However, in hindsight, I can now see that this child's lack of hygiene was probably an attempt at making them undesirable to their abuser. There is something seriously wrong in your step daughter's life. She is a child, not an adult. If no one will advocate for her, she will live a life of unimaginable pain and sadness - self imposed or not. | |
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 My Heart Be Happy
Posts: 9159
Location: Arkansas | pepsi97 - 2016-01-05 2:48 AM
Chandler's Mom - 2016-01-04 8:18 PM
Southtxponygirl - 2016-01-04 12:27 PM
Murphy - 2016-01-04 12:15 PM hoofs_in_motion - 2016-01-04 1:02 PM Am I the only person that thinks it's creepy she's holding her dad's hand at 15 years old?
Definitely a counselor.
My 15 (soon to be 16 year old) niece is kinda like that also. She has massive daddy issues though. She'll look for attention anywhere. IMO, yes, it's creepy. I also think it's creepy when teenagers and adults call their fathers "Daddy".
I also suggest a counselor. Take her when you have her, it's better than nothing. This isn't a phase.
My daddy has always been "Daddy" to me. I feel like this----any man can be a father but it takes someone special to be a "daddy". But maybe it is a southern thing!!!!
Mine comes out "Diddy" too sometimes!
I call my dad daddy and my mom momma. Sounds great with my oakie accent ; )
Same here, and I sure can mess up some words with my Arkansas "twang"!! | |
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My Heart Be Happy
Posts: 9159
Location: Arkansas | want2chase3 - 2016-01-05 4:39 PM
RacinPeggy06 - 2016-01-05 2:50 PM
Just Plain Lucky - 2016-01-05 11:16 AM
Your husband needs to get off his ass and help his daughter. If he doesn't, she is in for a lifetime of misery. There is SO much wrong with this scenario.
^^this.
I agree
I think you've gotten some excellent advice, and I pray y'all get to the bottom of this and get some help. | |
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 To the Left
Posts: 1865
Location: Florida | Your husband should call Child Protective services or a lawyer. This is serious. If you keep ignoring it, you are as guilty as her mother. WTF are you waiting for her to be pregant or dead?
Edited by Vickie 2016-01-05 8:00 PM
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Warrior Mom
Posts: 4400
| Thank you for all the replies. I spoke with my husband last night, he was on the road and on a layover so we had this conversation over the phone... he told me he talked to her when he dropped her off at her mother's house the other night and she told him nothing is going on she swore to him. So to him that's good enough. I told him that's not good enough for me. Asked if he spoke with her about her inappropriate affection towards him suddenly .. nope... let's just put it this way.. that conversation did not end well at all. He's absolutely the worst at confrontation and at communication especially with me. I took me a great deal of courage to even bring it up to him the other night because I wasn't sure how he would receive it.. but I couldn't take watching it anymore and to my total shocking surprise he felt the same way and was uncomfortable.. so for him to have that conversation with her and to not tell me about it until I asked a day later really hurt my feelings. Sorry for the vent here | |
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Addicted to Baseball
Location: Where the stars at night are big and bright, TX | want2chase3 - 2016-01-06 7:33 AM Thank you for all the replies. I spoke with my husband last night, he was on the road and on a layover so we had this conversation over the phone... he told me he talked to her when he dropped her off at her mother's house the other night and she told him nothing is going on she swore to him. So to him that's good enough. I told him that's not good enough for me. Asked if he spoke with her about her inappropriate affection towards him suddenly .. nope... let's just put it this way.. that conversation did not end well at all. He's absolutely the worst at confrontation and at communication especially with me. I took me a great deal of courage to even bring it up to him the other night because I wasn't sure how he would receive it.. but I couldn't take watching it anymore and to my total shocking surprise he felt the same way and was uncomfortable.. so for him to have that conversation with her and to not tell me about it until I asked a day later really hurt my feelings. Sorry for the vent here
Teens always say nothing is going on. Hopefully nothing is (though something in her young teenage brain thinks she needs to lay hands on men including her father for attention). Maybe one day he'll have to imagine some other over-age man on the receiving end of her actions and see if that thought makes him more uncomfortable than having a concerned and deep heart to heart with her about her behavior.
Good luck, you've at least thrown the shade open and shined a light on it. | |
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 Expert
Posts: 1273
Location: South Dakota | want2chase3 - 2016-01-06 7:33 AM Thank you for all the replies. I spoke with my husband last night, he was on the road and on a layover so we had this conversation over the phone... he told me he talked to her when he dropped her off at her mother's house the other night and she told him nothing is going on she swore to him. So to him that's good enough. I told him that's not good enough for me. Asked if he spoke with her about her inappropriate affection towards him suddenly .. nope... let's just put it this way.. that conversation did not end well at all. He's absolutely the worst at confrontation and at communication especially with me. I took me a great deal of courage to even bring it up to him the other night because I wasn't sure how he would receive it.. but I couldn't take watching it anymore and to my total shocking surprise he felt the same way and was uncomfortable.. so for him to have that conversation with her and to not tell me about it until I asked a day later really hurt my feelings. Sorry for the vent here
Well you know how it is sometimes. He might argue with you that there isn't a problem, but that doesn't mean he doesn't agree with you deep down. At least maybe he'll be more aware and hopefully communicate with her about what is going on. | |
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 Veteran
Posts: 288
| Been married with 3 stepdaughters for 13 years. They were toddlers when dad and I got together. We had many, many, many red flags. Inappropriate displays of affection, manipulation, lies, violent displays of anger. Hubby poopoo'd me off cause princesses couldn't possibly have issues. Biomom went nuts cause she was such a p!ss poor mother, any attempt at trying to help "her" girls by me or their dad with a therapist, doctor, speech therapy, ANYTHING was a threat and she'd go absolutely text book high conflict ex on us. Looking back, now that I'm older, I believe she has a cluster B personality disorder.
Anyways, back to my point, I never ignored, but hubby turned a blind eye and she was uncooperative and it ended up with the two younger daughters (14 & 17) committing a sex crime against my 11 year old son. They have felony warrants for their arrest and will be picked up and thrown in jail if theyou step foot in the PNW but their mom won't let them come back and face the music. Just having warrants keeps them from getting drivers licenses, passports, boarding planes, etc. And now the only is almost 18 and will be tried as an adult and go to actual prison.
Point being, get her in to a GOOD therapist NOW. Take her mother to court if you have to to. Especially with another young sibling, use my story as a lesson. Ours were raised as siblings from infancy/toddlers and they were capable of doing this to my son.
I have a feeling they too have been victims. I KNOW they have, but it's moot now. They are offenders and you don't want that for your step or bio daughters. | |
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Veteran
Posts: 288
| Murphy - 2016-01-04 10:15 AM
hoofs_in_motion - 2016-01-04 1:02 PM Am I the only person that thinks it's creepy she's holding her dad's hand at 15 years old?
Definitely a counselor.
My 15 (soon to be 16 year old) niece is kinda like that also. She has massive daddy issues though. She'll look for attention anywhere. IMO, yes, it's creepy. I also think it's creepy when teenagers and adults call their fathers "Daddy".
I also suggest a counselor. Take her when you have her, it's better than nothing. This isn't a phase.
It actually makes me pretty angry when people say cr@p like this. My children call my husband (step-dad from infancy) daddy. And I am mommy. My kids are 13 and 15. There is nothing creepy about it. And actually not a speck of innapropriatness after his daughters got booted out of home. It's only creepy to people who make it that way ?? | |
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 Midget Lover
Location: Kentucky | wickedstepmother - 2016-01-06 3:15 PM Murphy - 2016-01-04 10:15 AM hoofs_in_motion - 2016-01-04 1:02 PM Am I the only person that thinks it's creepy she's holding her dad's hand at 15 years old?
Definitely a counselor.
My 15 (soon to be 16 year old) niece is kinda like that also. She has massive daddy issues though. She'll look for attention anywhere. IMO, yes, it's creepy. I also think it's creepy when teenagers and adults call their fathers "Daddy".
I also suggest a counselor. Take her when you have her, it's better than nothing. This isn't a phase. It actually makes me pretty angry when people say cr@p like this. My children call my husband (step-dad from infancy ) daddy. And I am mommy. My kids are 13 and 15. There is nothing creepy about it. And actually not a speck of innapropriatness after his daughters got booted out of home. It's only creepy to people who make it that way ??
Sorry what I said makes you angry. I've since learned that it's most a demographic thing. I wish I could go back and edit so I could stop getting hate mail :) | |
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Expert
Posts: 1273
Location: South Dakota | Sorry what I said makes you angry. I've since learned that it's most a demographic thing. I wish I could go back and edit so I could stop getting hate mail :)
Aww, I wouldn't sweat it. I think it is all in what you are used to hearing. My friend calls her dad "dad" but her older sister has always called him "Daddy" It seems normal when she says it but if my friend called him daddy, it would really make me do a double take. | |
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