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 Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
  
| kakbarrelracer - 2016-11-28 4:33 PM
In life, almost everything is about what you make of any given thing. The judgements about who works harder are kind of silly.  There are hard workers and lazy people in every job out there.Â
I stayed home with 4 kids all a year apart and as busy as I was I know I had it much easier than a working mom. Kudos to moms/wives who can do both, I know I was not capable of handling it all. Now that the kids are grown and gone there is still a lot to handle on our small hundred acre ranch but I am definitely on the lazy side :). |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 380
| I'm a stay at home mom. I get lots of comments from my family about how I need a real job. They have no idea how hard I work. They think I just laze around all day. My job is 24/7, no sick time and no vacation. Add a chronic illness that zaps all of my energy and I am not sure how I could fit anot her job into my life with two toddlers. I envy people with that much energy. But my work at home is important too. I am raising people here! |
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 No Tune in a Bucket
Posts: 2935
 
Location: Texas | classicpotatochip - 2016-11-28 3:46 PM I guess the only other thought I had, is OP, I remember you being very young a few short years ago. I'm now in my early 30s, and have worked hard through my life, whether it be at a job or in school. Some of my friends have walked the same path as I have, (held off having kids, gotten a college education, and a full career). Their lives are showing the benefits of this, and they are able to do more things that they want more than ever. I have been able to be a successful partner to my husband financially, and we are now able to start contemplating career choices that would put us on a slower work pace. I just don't want you to not get a full college or technical education because you fill your life with your husband and keeping house. Several of my friends have gone the rely on a husband route, and one is now living with her mother trying to raise her kids on minimum wage because the marriage fell apart. She is going to college part time and is nearly 40. She walked away from the marriage with nothing but child support, a nice bedroom suite, 12 alimony payments and a car. She had the opportunity to go to school on his dime, and have an open window in case a door shut, and she procrastinated. I feel like her story is too common. I'm just saying, no matter what you decide to do, is don't get lazy. If you get lazy, you seal your fate, and life is harder later. Stay in the middle of your own life, and don't look to a man to provide it for you. He can walk away any time and leave you wishing you had a good education and work skills to fall back on and stand on your own.
^^^^ This is so true. I know several women who relied on their husband's profession to support them and their families and then in their 40s and 50s being left without the ability to maintain a good life without a good job. They worked hard, at home, thinking that it wouldn't happen to their marriage but it happens even to good, smart people. |
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I just read the headlines
Posts: 4483
| SloRide - 2016-11-28 5:29 PM
I'm a stay at home mom. I get lots of comments from my family about how I need a real job. They have no idea how hard I work. They think I just laze around all day. My job is 24/7, no sick time and no vacation. Add a chronic illness that zaps all of my energy and I am not sure how I could fit anot her job into my life with two toddlers. I envy people with that much energy. But my work at home is important too. I am raising people here!
Amen!!  |
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 Expert
Posts: 2604
Location: Texas | I am a stay at home wife, no children. I have a married step daughter and granddaughter but they live out of state. I got laid off shortly after we got married. My husband told me to take a few months off and chill. He realized that I was a much more pleasant person without the stress of a job, and that he liked coming home to a clean house, laundry and meals. He has me spoiled rotten! I keep the house clean, laundry done, in the summers I keep the lawn mowed (if he lets me, he is kind of anal about the yard and enjoys doing it himself). I cook more in the winter, but in the summer he grills a lot. Again... I am VERY spoiled and know it! |
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 Queen Bee Cat Owner
Posts: 3629
Location: Way up North | I think it is great he wants you at home! I think what most are trying to say is just to make sure you have a backup plan. You could have a great relationship and never have to worry about being divorced but unfortunately things happen. What if he is injured and can no longer work or if he passes away? I would take full advantage of being at home by looking into things like a side hustle, honing a skill or trade; anything that can help ensure your future and accomplish goals you have together. If you have a good work ethic there are always jobs out there if you decide to go back but may be you could start something from home that would be the best of both worlds. |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 507
Location: Lost in the corn of Iowa. | rodeochick123 - 2016-11-27 3:12 PM
Are any of you stay at home wife's? My husband and I don't have kids yet but I quit my old job a few months ago and have been looking for a new position however my husband wants me to stay home and continue to cook and clean and do laundry and barrel race and take care of all the animals. Do any of you have experience doing this?
Is your husband open to the idea of sister wives. LOL! I'd love for my husband to want me to quit my job and stay home and take care of the place and barrel race. |
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Veteran
Posts: 227
Location: Heart of Texas | If you have the opportunity I say try it! What's the worse thing that happens, you hate it and go back to work in 6 months. Unless you're missing out on a great job or quitting will financially keep you from still doing what you love what do you have to lose?? **But as everyone has cautioned already, keep an ace in the hole. Don't put yourself so dependent on him should he leave you're screwed. Plus your marriage will fair better if you don't feel 'trapped' cuz you have no other options. Good luck! |
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 Good Grief!
Posts: 6343
Location: Cap'n Joan Rotgut.....alberta | I love the stay at home part...its the wife thing i hated...lol...;)..m |
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Veteran
Posts: 268
| Rolling J - 2016-11-28 11:34 AM
rodeochick123 - 2016-11-27 3:12 PM
Are any of you stay at home wife's? My husband and I don't have kids yet but I quit my old job a few months ago and have been looking for a new position however my husband wants me to stay home and continue to cook and clean and do laundry and barrel race and take care of all the animals. Do any of you have experience doing this?
In my book, you are a very lucky woman. You stated that your husband is encouraging you to continue your barrel racing and all the animals, so it does not sound like he is "controling" the money or holding it against you that you are not working.
I always said that I would NEVER be a stay at home mom but at 46 with 2 very active kids, I now fully realize why God designed the roles of men and women the way he did. I have a good job but my home and farm suffers. I am embarassed to have family or friends just stop by because my house is a mess, I have a lot of stress concerning home issues because I feel like I don't have enough time to get things done. We are exterme busy with the kids, I also feel like my husband and I miss out on so much family time (such dinners at the tables, horses ready when my daughter gets off the bus to go for a ride, playing catch in the yard... ). I would now trade my job to be able to take care of our home but we have become to dependent on the income at this point in our lives.
Best of luck in your decision, I know it is easy to think one way when you are younger vs when you are older. 
I am the same as Rollin J. I work full time with 2 busy boys....my husband works full time as well. My job pays more so the option of quitting is not there...my house suffers as well....I do my best as far as cleaning but it is usually a mess..... Sometimes I hire someone to clean for me. We also have cattle and of course the horses. I also believe that stay at home moms work VERY hard as well.... When I was on mat leave I wondered how I ever worked! It's all about choices....I am very independant .... If I want something, I buy it. I would hate to feel like I was dependant on my husband for everything... As some have said ..If things go bad you can only count on yourself to look after you. |
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 Strong Willed Woman
Posts: 6577
Location: Prosser, WA | I'm a stay at home mom. There are days I work so much harder than I did when I was working full time but there are days it's easier. I knew a long time ago that I wanted to either work full time and see how high I could climb the latter or have kids and stay home with them. Also when my husband and I were first talking about kids I made more than him so one option was for him to stay home. By the time we had them he made more. Neither one of us wanted both of us to be working when we had kids. He always works a lot of overtime and when I still worked quite a bit of overtime was expected as well. Just part of the construction business. Now he has a new job where he is pretty much on call 24/7, he travels and has meetings 1 to 3 times a week in the evenings. It works for us for me to stay home. It takes a leap of faith to be a stay at home mom but it takes a leap of faith to get married and have kids as well. My kids also go to school out of district so I have to drive them to and from school. Even though my youngest starts Kinder next year we don't plan on me going back to work. I do raise horses, have some cattle and will help my dad on the farm this next year.
I think if it works it works, if it doesn't go back to work. LOL |
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| Ashley Lynn - 2016-11-27 4:34 PM
Not to steal the post, BUTTTT- do those of you that stay at home have any kind of side gig to make money, or did responsibility fall solely on hubbys income? I am expecting my first pretty much any day now and really don't want to go back to work. My biggest issue right now is losing my insurance because I work for the state. I don't know that losing my income would be a hard hit as I incur quite a few expenses because of my job. (I drive 120 miles a day round trip) I was just wondering if any of you stay at home moms had a side gig that might could give me some ideas to pay for private insurance.
Buckle up and KEEP THAT STATE JOB WITH STATE INSURANCE .....
make sure new little one and hubby are on it ....
People that do not have government jobs are the hardest hit on
insurance costs ... you need a 2nd job to have anything to show
for working after you pay your insurance ...
Best advice I can give on another note is child care ...
get someone as close to where you live as possible and
make the drive by yourself ...
No reason to put the kid thru a long drive all buckled up in
their little prisoners seat and with the crazy drivers out
there ... baby will be safer very close to your home..
GOOD LUCK ... right now with your insurance you are
a great asset to your family!!
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BHW's Simon Cowell
Location: The Saudia Arabia of Wind Energy, Western Oklahoma | Having a job of your own gives you so many more options. I stayed at home and did all of that but I figured out that working was so much more rewarding. The pride in bringing home your own money is really a great thing. |
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Location: in the ozone | MS2011 - 2016-11-27 6:05 PM
Southtxponygirl - 2016-11-27 6:37 PM SaraJean - 2016-11-27 5:32 PM I'm a stay at home wife......I don't have a "real" job but help with the cattle & farm work, I run the rake during hay season, I have a barn full of really nice young horses that we've raised & are currently bringing along as ranch and mounted shooting horses, plus I do my artwork on the side....I honestly put in more hours & work a lot harder now than I ever did when I had a job in town, difference is that I love what I do now. You do too have a real job, I think being a stay at home wife works harder then most that do have to work. We dont work off the clock. Our work is never ending, lol..  Â
In SaraJean's situation, I would NOT downplay it at all!! She worded it that she doesn't have a "real" job but she DOES. Her artwork and photography ARE her "job" - the way she makes money. The thing that some of you are not remembering in a situation like this, you leave your 9-5 job (for example) & it's done ... you go on to all the other responsibilities in your life. She - & others like her that are self employed - end up working all kinds of hours, all days. And if they get behind due to other responsibilities (working on the ranch for example), then she has to make up that time in her JOB.
I've been in both situations in the past - and I'd sure rather take the "job away from home" vs the stress of my own business - plus the responsibilities of helping on the ranch, household, kids (if any), having a big garden & putting up all our food, etc.
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 I Prefer to Live in Fantasy Land
Posts: 64864
Location: In the Hills of Texas | ksjackofalltrades - 2016-11-30 12:24 PM Having a job of your own gives you so many more options. I stayed at home and did all of that but I figured out that working was so much more rewarding. The pride in bringing home your own money is really a great thing.
I totally agree. I was a stay at home mom for 5 years and I hated asking for money for anything and one day I asked for something and a remark was made about how I needed to get a job for all the crap I wanted. I had one within 3 days. It gave me self worth and I never looked back or yearned to be that stay at home wife/mother. When Momma's not happy....No body is happy..LOL
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BHW's Simon Cowell
Location: The Saudia Arabia of Wind Energy, Western Oklahoma | Nevertooold - 2016-11-30 4:05 PM ksjackofalltrades - 2016-11-30 12:24 PM Having a job of your own gives you so many more options. I stayed at home and did all of that but I figured out that working was so much more rewarding. The pride in bringing home your own money is really a great thing. I totally agree. I was a stay at home mom for 5 years and I hated asking for money for anything and one day I asked for something and a remark was made about how I needed to get a job for all the crap I wanted. I had one within 3 days. It gave me self worth and I never looked back or yearned to be that stay at home wife/mother. When Momma's not happy....No body is happy..LOL
?It is just better all around. You never know how your relationship with your husband might go downhill. Having your own job and a way to make a living is good for everything. I had a friend thats husband didn't want her work. His main reason was he didn't want her to not be dependant on him. My husband really preaches that the women need to get their own job because he is a lawyer and sees so many women that have no way to support themselves and end up staying in a bad marriage because of they have no way of making a living. |
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Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| ksjackofalltrades - 2016-11-30 6:49 PM Nevertooold - 2016-11-30 4:05 PM ksjackofalltrades - 2016-11-30 12:24 PM Having a job of your own gives you so many more options. I stayed at home and did all of that but I figured out that working was so much more rewarding. The pride in bringing home your own money is really a great thing. I totally agree. I was a stay at home mom for 5 years and I hated asking for money for anything and one day I asked for something and a remark was made about how I needed to get a job for all the crap I wanted. I had one within 3 days. It gave me self worth and I never looked back or yearned to be that stay at home wife/mother. When Momma's not happy....No body is happy..LOL
Edited by rodeomom3 2016-12-01 6:14 AM
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 My Heart Be Happy
Posts: 9159
Location: Arkansas | rodeomom3 - 2016-11-30 6:54 PM
ksjackofalltrades - 2016-11-30 6:49 PM Nevertooold - 2016-11-30 4:05 PM ksjackofalltrades - 2016-11-30 12:24 PM Having a job of your own gives you so many more options. I stayed at home and did all of that but I figured out that working was so much more rewarding. The pride in bringing home your own money is really a great thing.  I totally agree. I was a stay at home mom for 5 years and I hated asking for money for anything and one day I asked for something and a remark was made about how I needed to get a job for all the crap I wanted. I had one within 3 days. It gave me self worth and I never looked back or yearned to be that stay at home wife/mother. When Momma's not happy....No body is happy..LOL
Â
And where can we find one of those to put under the tree with a bow on his booty for Christmas?!!!!  |
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Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| Chandler's Mom - 2016-11-30 11:30 PM rodeomom3 - 2016-11-30 6:54 PM ksjackofalltrades - 2016-11-30 6:49 PM Nevertooold - 2016-11-30 4:05 PM ksjackofalltrades - 2016-11-30 12:24 PM Having a job of your own gives you so many more options. I stayed at home and did all of that but I figured out that working was so much more rewarding. The pride in bringing home your own money is really a great thing. I totally agree. I was a stay at home mom for 5 years and I hated asking for money for anything and one day I asked for something and a remark was made about how I needed to get a job for all the crap I wanted. I had one within 3 days. It gave me self worth and I never looked back or yearned to be that stay at home wife/mother. When Momma's not happy....No body is happy..LOL
And where can we find one of those to put under the tree with a bow on his booty for Christmas?!!!!
I definitively hit the husband jackpot. We met and married within 5 months and almost 30 years later still crazy about each other :). |
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 Owner of a ratting catting machine
Posts: 2258
| rodeomom3 - 2016-12-01 6:18 AM
Chandler's Mom - 2016-11-30 11:30 PM rodeomom3 - 2016-11-30 6:54 PM ksjackofalltrades - 2016-11-30 6:49 PM Nevertooold - 2016-11-30 4:05 PM ksjackofalltrades - 2016-11-30 12:24 PM Having a job of your own gives you so many more options. I stayed at home and did all of that but I figured out that working was so much more rewarding. The pride in bringing home your own money is really a great thing.  I totally agree. I was a stay at home mom for 5 years and I hated asking for money for anything and one day I asked for something and a remark was made about how I needed to get a job for all the crap I wanted. I had one within 3 days. It gave me self worth and I never looked back or yearned to be that stay at home wife/mother. When Momma's not happy....No body is happy..LOL
 And where can we find one of those to put under the tree with a bow on his booty for Christmas?!!!!
I'm also married to a giver like that!! I'm really spoiled, even though we're equal on the earning scale. He doesn't hassle me much (mostly just to tease me!) about what I want to buy, and goes in with me regularly on the really big stuff. I know that we would be just fine if I ever needed to stay home.
I think it truly depends on the man, but I just really encourage my stepdaughter and anyone in their teens and twenties to get an education and be ready to fend for yourself.
My Mom is divorced from my Dad after 34 years of marriage. She was a stay at home ranch wife for all 34.
She has a Bachelors of Science and a teaching degree, and she didn't have any trouble relocating to a new state and find work that was satisfying to her.
Sometimes **** happens, and there's nothing you can do but smile and go to work.
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