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 My Heart Be Happy
Posts: 9159
   
Location: Arkansas | jake16 - 2018-08-13 9:57 PM
Just remember,somewhere along the line life choices will slap you in the face,and you may just find yourself begging for a job that you don't love,and getting rid of things you enjoy and live for but can no longer afford.you may think you have the perfect life,but it only takes one bad accident,one sick loved one,and you just may loose it all.
Miss Mary, you and several others have given very sage advice on here. . . . I appreciate it. | |
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Industrial Srength Barrel Racer
Posts: 7264
| Tbred - 2018-08-13 2:17 PM
Some days as an adult, a tired adult, I just don't feel like riding. My kids are grown, my husband is busy doing his thing. I don't have to keep the house as clean as I once did or have supper ready at a decent hour. Sometimes I'm just tired.
I'm real gungho in the spring and the beginning of summer, but by this time of the year, I just don't wanna. Maybe riding once a week. I'm still running every weekend though, either a rodeo or a jackpot. I don't do weeknight jackpots because it's just too much and I just want to stay home.
I work a full time job, and a part time job. Some days just saddling is more work than I want, lol.
I totally relate to this too. Sometimes, I just want to sit by the fire pit, drink a beer and CHILL. (on weekends, I go to bed too early to do this during the week)! LOL | |
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 Expert
Posts: 1304
| I'm lucky my SO isn't picky about the house. I do a lot of the maintenance type things such as laundry and dishes but I may vacuum or sweep on a Sunday, we mow one evening a week, check the garden, work on a project one evening, etc. But as long as the dogs/chickens are taken care of and things look DECENT we're both fine making other things a priority in the evenings or weekend.
I'm almost 25, obviously work full time, in a serious relationship, and have time right now to dedicate to my horse. I'm doing it now because I know things will change some when I have children. My twin sister has 2 little boys so I literally can get a picture of what life is like with children, and for right now I live vicariously through her! Lol. I'm choosing to wait for children for a few years, but look forward to that part of my life.
Adulting is hard though, but if you can you have to balance it out. If I kept my house as clean as I do in the winter when I'm stuck inside, I would never have time for my horse.
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 The Bling Princess
Posts: 3411
Location: North Dakota | jake16 - 2018-08-13 9:57 PM Just remember,somewhere along the line life choices will slap you in the face,and you may just find yourself begging for a job that you don't love,and getting rid of things you enjoy and live for but can no longer afford.you may think you have the perfect life,but it only takes one bad accident,one sick loved one,and you just may loose it all.
For over 5 years my husband and I, along with our families, cared for my mom and his dad, who were dying from cancer. During this time horses were put on the back burner, as we focused our time and energy on them. It's because of their deaths that I look at life differently. I try not to sweat the small stuff, worry so much about what other people think, or try to be something I'm not to make other people happy. I surround myself with the people I love and truly support me and make doing what I love a priority. I try not to take for granted the life I am able to lead today, because you are so right...life can change in an instant. | |
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  Whack and Roll
Posts: 6342
Location: NE Texas | I used to be that person that was "nothing will ever come between me and my passion, my horses, my traveling to run barrels" and even had a good side business riding for the public, starting their horses on the pattern, and marketing my own until the wheels fell off my wagon all at once several years ago. I was married to a man who was into the same things as me; children were not only never in the picture, they weren't an option or up for discussion as our/my lifestyle didn't support having kids....we were both very driven and selfish. We rodeod, we started horses, sold horses, everything was about horses. When we divorced, I continued that lifestyle with an even more "all about me and my wants" attitude until something happened that robbed the joy of hauling and competing. I was lost. I sold my horses all except one, sent my outside horses home, and learned to enjoy new things. I went to the lake, read lots of books, experienced alot of life that i'd missed out on due to my tunnel vision. A couple years later I met a man who had two very young kids of his own. I had started back riding and hauling a little bit at the time and the thought of having children had still never crossed my mind. He was not a horsey guy, but he was interested and supportive of the fact that I was. With two young kids though, I knew if I was going to commit to this man, and his kids, that my priorities were going to have to change and my wants and needs would have to come second. I made that commitment over 8 years ago and it has been the best decision. I do still ride, and I do still haul when it's convenient for our family. They support me and the money it takes to maintain the couple of horses I have, and I support them in their athletics and the money it takes to help them to follow their dreams. You can try to raise kids to love what you love, but that doesn't mean they will. We have provided the kids with the opportunities to try as many things as they want, riding being one of them, and it just wasn't what they chose to pursue and that is perfectly fine. They know what it's like to help me around the barn, yet most weekends we spend at sports tournaments and helping them pursue their passions.
My point is, we never know what tomorrow will bring. I enjoyed the days when my wants and needs were paramount over anything else and the self serving life I lived, but I enjoy this time in my life even more. Sometimes it's not easy to put the needs of someone else's children before your own, but it's a commitment I made to this man and those kids and has been the best gift of my life. Had you asked me 15 years ago if I thought i'd be married to a non horse man and be a step mom to two kids who have no interest in horses or riding I would have laughed in your face, but what a blessing this life is and i'm so thankful that things happened exactly the way they did. I wouldn't miss this time for the world! | |
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 A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | Herbie - 2018-08-14 9:45 AM I used to be that person that was "nothing will ever come between me and my passion, my horses, my traveling to run barrels" and even had a good side business riding for the public, starting their horses on the pattern, and marketing my own until the wheels fell off my wagon all at once several years ago. I was married to a man who was into the same things as me; children were not only never in the picture, they weren't an option or up for discussion as our/my lifestyle didn't support having kids....we were both very driven and selfish. We rodeod, we started horses, sold horses, everything was about horses. When we divorced, I continued that lifestyle with an even more "all about me and my wants" attitude until something happened that robbed the joy of hauling and competing. I was lost. I sold my horses all except one, sent my outside horses home, and learned to enjoy new things. I went to the lake, read lots of books, experienced alot of life that i'd missed out on due to my tunnel vision. A couple years later I met a man who had two very young kids of his own. I had started back riding and hauling a little bit at the time and the thought of having children had still never crossed my mind. He was not a horsey guy, but he was interested and supportive of the fact that I was. With two young kids though, I knew if I was going to commit to this man, and his kids, that my priorities were going to have to change and my wants and needs would have to come second. I made that commitment over 8 years ago and it has been the best decision. I do still ride, and I do still haul when it's convenient for our family. They support me and the money it takes to maintain the couple of horses I have, and I support them in their athletics and the money it takes to help them to follow their dreams. You can try to raise kids to love what you love, but that doesn't mean they will. We have provided the kids with the opportunities to try as many things as they want, riding being one of them, and it just wasn't what they chose to pursue and that is perfectly fine. They know what it's like to help me around the barn, yet most weekends we spend at sports tournaments and helping them pursue their passions.
My point is, we never know what tomorrow will bring. I enjoyed the days when my wants and needs were paramount over anything else and the self serving life I lived, but I enjoy this time in my life even more. Sometimes it's not easy to put the needs of someone else's children before your own, but it's a commitment I made to this man and those kids and has been the best gift of my life. Had you asked me 15 years ago if I thought i'd be married to a non horse man and be a step mom to two kids who have no interest in horses or riding I would have laughed in your face, but what a blessing this life is and i'm so thankful that things happened exactly the way they did. I wouldn't miss this time for the world!
Awww how awesome for you Herbie, you sound really happy with your family. My boys were never really horsey either, they had their time with horses but dirt bikes and mechanical things took over, they took after their dad as he was not a horsey person either, but thats ok, we all loved doing what we did and do now.  | |
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My Heart Be Happy
Posts: 9159
Location: Arkansas | Herbie - 2018-08-14 9:45 AM
I used to be that person that was "nothing will ever come between me and my passion, my horses, my traveling to run barrels" and even had a good side business riding for the public, starting their horses on the pattern, and marketing my own until the wheels fell off my wagon all at once several years ago. I was married to a man who was into the same things as me; children were not only never in the picture, they weren't an option or up for discussion as our/my lifestyle didn't support having kids....we were both very driven and selfish. We rodeod, we started horses, sold horses, everything was about horses. When we divorced, I continued that lifestyle with an even more "all about me and my wants" attitude until something happened that robbed the joy of hauling and competing. I was lost. I sold my horses all except one, sent my outside horses home, and learned to enjoy new things. I went to the lake, read lots of books, experienced alot of life that i'd missed out on due to my tunnel vision. A couple years later I met a man who had two very young kids of his own. I had started back riding and hauling a little bit at the time and the thought of having children had still never crossed my mind. He was not a horsey guy, but he was interested and supportive of the fact that I was. With two young kids though, I knew if I was going to commit to this man, and his kids, that my priorities were going to have to change and my wants and needs would have to come second. I made that commitment over 8 years ago and it has been the best decision. I do still ride, and I do still haul when it's convenient for our family. They support me and the money it takes to maintain the couple of horses I have, and I support them in their athletics and the money it takes to help them to follow their dreams. You can try to raise kids to love what you love, but that doesn't mean they will. We have provided the kids with the opportunities to try as many things as they want, riding being one of them, and it just wasn't what they chose to pursue and that is perfectly fine. They know what it's like to help me around the barn, yet most weekends we spend at sports tournaments and helping them pursue their passions.
My point is, we never know what tomorrow will bring. I enjoyed the days when my wants and needs were paramount over anything else and the self serving life I lived, but I enjoy this time in my life even more. Sometimes it's not easy to put the needs of someone else's children before your own, but it's a commitment I made to this man and those kids and has been the best gift of my life. Had you asked me 15 years ago if I thought i'd be married to a non horse man and be a step mom to two kids who have no interest in horses or riding I would have laughed in your face, but what a blessing this life is and i'm so thankful that things happened exactly the way they did. I wouldn't miss this time for the world!
And another voice of sanity and reason and LOVE. Good for you, Herbie
I know it takes all kinds of people to make the world go round, and that's great. But for the ones that consciously choose children, they are beyond a blessing. I started taking Chan to learn to ride correctly from one of my best friends when he was roughly 2. By the time he was riding at barrel runs and rodeos, watching him do things I'd never gotten to do at that age, my heart would nearly burst when he was in the arena. I was so proud of my baby . . . None of the accomplishments I might have achieved would begin to compare to watching him. I say this from a non-barrel racer viewpoint. Just a mother who loves her child and couldn't contain herself when he was riding. So I never had to put my passion or my ambitions aside. But my hope is that each of you, with kids or without, get as much from your dreams and rides and runs as I have from my love, my joy. . . . My son. | |
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 BHW New Catch of the Day
Posts: 9883
Location: Missouri | Griz - 2018-08-14 5:42 AM Tbred - 2018-08-13 2:17 PM Some days as an adult, a tired adult, I just don't feel like riding. My kids are grown, my husband is busy doing his thing. I don't have to keep the house as clean as I once did or have supper ready at a decent hour. Sometimes I'm just tired.
I'm real gungho in the spring and the beginning of summer, but by this time of the year, I just don't wanna. Maybe riding once a week. I'm still running every weekend though, either a rodeo or a jackpot. I don't do weeknight jackpots because it's just too much and I just want to stay home.
I work a full time job, and a part time job. Some days just saddling is more work than I want, lol.
I totally relate to this too. Sometimes, I just want to sit by the fire pit, drink a beer and CHILL. (on weekends, I go to bed too early to do this during the week )! LOL
It takes me till Thursday to recover from my weekends, LOL Then we start over on Friday, LOL | |
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Industrial Srength Barrel Racer
Posts: 7264
| Tbred - 2018-08-15 2:23 PM
Griz - 2018-08-14 5:42 AM Tbred - 2018-08-13 2:17 PM Some days as an adult, a tired adult, I just don't feel like riding. My kids are grown, my husband is busy doing his thing. I don't have to keep the house as clean as I once did or have supper ready at a decent hour. Sometimes I'm just tired.
I'm real gungho in the spring and the beginning of summer, but by this time of the year, I just don't wanna. Maybe riding once a week. I'm still running every weekend though, either a rodeo or a jackpot. I don't do weeknight jackpots because it's just too much and I just want to stay home.
I work a full time job, and a part time job. Some days just saddling is more work than I want, lol.
I totally relate to this too. Sometimes, I just want to sit by the fire pit, drink a beer and CHILL. (on weekends, I go to bed too early to do this during the week )! LOL
Are you my twin? LOL  | |
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 ...Dot Dot Dot...
Posts: 2062
Location: SW New Mexico | Well I'm almost an adult LOL! I am 57 and 1/2 years old now. My whole life has been focused on succeeding running barrels, training horses, and being someone I've always wanted to be..I didn't get to have horses growing up..my mother raised 5 of us as a widow...
. Life handed me a couple of Upper Cuts to the head. I had a fire come through that took almost everything. The firefighters saved my horse trailer,my horses, my house...thank God... I also had a divorce hit me at the same time.... that almost killed me. I dropped to 104 pounds. I was mentally gone. I have had good horses.... I have been to the turquoise circuit finals... And ..being alone so much... I'm finding I have no desire anymore to do anything . I feel like my soul was crushed. I still feel that way but I've been struggling. I'm in the best shape of my life... I have a great job that pays for just about anything I need... I have Brother Dave ...who's the best horse ever! ;-)
I love my Dave...I dusted him off after 10 months of medical leave..he won a buckle,saddle,and money his first race back since the NMRA finals last October... so how do I get myself out of this pit of self-pity, and get myself back to being happy on a horse? The desire is there ..I am not driven as I used to be. I'm also alone and in alone I mean no one to share riding,chores, a beer,,....I'm taking care of my autistic teenager on the weekends, and my developmentally disabled sister 24/7. I have a bucket list that will never be recognized. I have 5 acres, a boarding facility ,and arena( needs better ground) that could be a showplace. I have a horse that could go on to be doing great things. I have a colt that is a potential winner...Instead I sit and I stare and I think... I don't know what to do sometimes...so I do nothing.
Edited by jettster 2018-08-16 8:20 AM
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Whack and Roll
Posts: 6342
Location: NE Texas | jettster - 2018-08-16 8:17 AM Well I'm almost an adult LOL! I am 57 and 1/2 years old now. My whole life has been focused on succeeding running barrels, training horses, and being someone I've always wanted to be..I didn't get to have horses growing up..my mother raised 5 of us as a widow... . Life handed me a couple of Upper Cuts to the head. I had a fire come through that took almost everything. The firefighters saved my horse trailer,my horses, my house...thank God... I also had a divorce hit me at the same time.... that almost killed me. I dropped to 104 pounds. I was mentally gone. I have had good horses.... I have been to the turquoise circuit finals... And ..being alone so much... I'm finding I have no desire anymore to do anything . I feel like my soul was crushed. I still feel that way but I've been struggling. I'm in the best shape of my life... I have a great job that pays for just about anything I need... I have Brother Dave ...who's the best horse ever! ;-) I love my Dave...I dusted him off after 10 months of medical leave..he won a buckle,saddle,and money his first race back since the NMRA finals last October... so how do I get myself out of this pit of self-pity, and get myself back to being happy on a horse? The desire is there ..I am not driven as I used to be. I'm also alone and in alone I mean no one to share riding,chores, a beer,,....I'm taking care of my autistic teenager on the weekends, and my developmentally disabled sister 24/7. I have a bucket list that will never be recognized. I have 5 acres, a boarding facility ,and arena( needs better ground) that could be a showplace. I have a horse that could go on to be doing great things. I have a colt that is a potential winner...Instead I sit and I stare and I think... I don't know what to do sometimes...so I do nothing.
Pray about it. And prayers for you! | |
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Veteran
Posts: 225
Location: Montgomery TX | I sold everything to go to college and help pay for college. Well, College sucked and I dropped out - got pregnant, married, divorced and started adulting real hard with 2 little boys. 15 years of doing it alone, no child support just me and the kiddos doing the best we could - Now, I am married to an amazing non-horse man who just bought me the sweetest little paint mare and I'm so excited and happy about her I can hardly stand it! My boys are 21 and 18 now and are responsible young men that I am super proud of. I think not having horses for so long helps me to really appreciate what I have now. And I'm still young enough to enjoy it for many years to come.
But, like with anything - sometimes you might need to take a little break and re-charge and learn to love it again! | |
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Go Get Em!
Posts: 13503
Location: OH. IO | jettster - 2018-08-16 9:17 AM
Well I'm almost an adult LOL! I am 57 and 1/2 years old now. My whole life has been focused on succeeding running barrels, training horses, and being someone I've always wanted to be..I didn't get to have horses growing up..my mother raised 5 of us as a widow...
. Life handed me a couple of Upper Cuts to the head. I had a fire come through that took almost everything. The firefighters saved my horse trailer,my horses, my house...thank God... I also had a divorce hit me at the same time.... that almost killed me. I dropped to 104 pounds. I was mentally gone. I have had good horses.... I have been to the turquoise circuit finals... And ..being alone so much... I'm finding I have no desire anymore to do anything . I feel like my soul was crushed. I still feel that way but I've been struggling. I'm in the best shape of my life... I have a great job that pays for just about anything I need... I have Brother Dave ...who's the best horse ever! ;-)
I love my Dave...I dusted him off after 10 months of medical leave..he won a buckle,saddle,and money his first race back since the NMRA finals last October... so how do I get myself out of this pit of self-pity, and get myself back to being happy on a horse? The desire is there ..I am not driven as I used to be. I'm also alone and in alone I mean no one to share riding,chores, a beer,,....I'm taking care of my autistic teenager on the weekends, and my developmentally disabled sister 24/7. I have a bucket list that will never be recognized. I have 5 acres, a boarding facility ,and arena( needs better ground) that could be a showplace. I have a horse that could go on to be doing great things. I have a colt that is a potential winner...Instead I sit and I stare and I think... I don't know what to do sometimes...so I do nothing.
OMGOSH,YOU HAVE YOUR HANDS FULL,AND YOU NEED SOME HELP!Is there any way you can get some outside help for home?Mentally you must be so tired,I can't even imagine.I bet you could sleep for days.Do you have medical insurance for your sister and son?maybe it would include outside help?So many prayers for you. | |
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 Expert
Posts: 1515
Location: Illinois | I don't have any kids and I've been single 29 of my 30 years on this planet so far, so I've never really had to deal with the responsibilities of that. When I was in a relationship though horses still came first. If we wanted to go on a date it had to be after I got the horses rode that night. If he wanted to get away for the weekend it had better be a barrel race. I have turned down family events to go to a barrel race. My family understands and doesn't mind, it's always been this way. And they know that most times if it comes down to it my horses will come first. I'm not interested in getting involved with anyone unless they're ok with how things are, I'm not at a life stage right now where I'm ready to start changing priorities. My house is a disaster right now, I will be the first to admit. I'm currently trying to work to board 3 horses, going through my grandfathers estate to split off what we all want to keep and what gets sold, and then soon getting my own house ready to be sold after the first of the year. I don't have the time or the drive & sure as hell don't have any money to go spend anywhere. When money is tight I make sure the animals are taken care of & then I figure out how to live on whats left. I sold my grill to enter a barrel race this weekend, in my defense I've only ever used it twice so there was probably no need to have it anyway. I'm one of the irresponsible single adulters, I admit but my bills are always paid & animals are always taken care of so as long as that is good then I'm ok with it. I'm working on getting a place with enough space to keep my horses at home, which is hard to find in my price range but I also wouldn't have $1,000 a month board bill either. The things I have going on overwhelm me daily and the stress level is high, but compared to a lot of others what I have on my plate is nothing. I'm the only one of my group left that's not married & most have kids, I want to high five them all for still making time to ride almost everyday and keep the chaos of their households under control. I remember when I was younger and boarding at a larger barn there were several moms who brought small kids out and they always locked them in a clean stall with some toys & blankets while they went and rode their horses lol | |
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BHW New Catch of the Day
Posts: 9883
Location: Missouri | Griz - 2018-08-16 5:37 AM Tbred - 2018-08-15 2:23 PM Griz - 2018-08-14 5:42 AM Tbred - 2018-08-13 2:17 PM Some days as an adult, a tired adult, I just don't feel like riding. My kids are grown, my husband is busy doing his thing. I don't have to keep the house as clean as I once did or have supper ready at a decent hour. Sometimes I'm just tired.
I'm real gungho in the spring and the beginning of summer, but by this time of the year, I just don't wanna. Maybe riding once a week. I'm still running every weekend though, either a rodeo or a jackpot. I don't do weeknight jackpots because it's just too much and I just want to stay home.
I work a full time job, and a part time job. Some days just saddling is more work than I want, lol.
I totally relate to this too. Sometimes, I just want to sit by the fire pit, drink a beer and CHILL. (on weekends, I go to bed too early to do this during the week )! LOL Are you my twin? LOL
I must be!  When you barrel race do you resemble this too  ?  | |
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Industrial Srength Barrel Racer
Posts: 7264
| Jettster - BIG HUGS! You must be exhausted! I agree with the other poster about you needing help! I don't think you are just sitting and doing nothing, I think you are too tired to take on more! | |
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My Heart Be Happy
Posts: 9159
Location: Arkansas | jettster - 2018-08-16 8:17 AM
Well I'm almost an adult LOL! I am 57 and 1/2 years old now. My whole life has been focused on succeeding running barrels, training horses, and being someone I've always wanted to be..I didn't get to have horses growing up..my mother raised 5 of us as a widow...
. Life handed me a couple of Upper Cuts to the head. I had a fire come through that took almost everything. The firefighters saved my horse trailer,my horses, my house...thank God... I also had a divorce hit me at the same time.... that almost killed me. I dropped to 104 pounds. I was mentally gone. I have had good horses.... I have been to the turquoise circuit finals... And ..being alone so much... I'm finding I have no desire anymore to do anything . I feel like my soul was crushed. I still feel that way but I've been struggling. I'm in the best shape of my life... I have a great job that pays for just about anything I need... I have Brother Dave ...who's the best horse ever! ;-)
I love my Dave...I dusted him off after 10 months of medical leave..he won a buckle,saddle,and money his first race back since the NMRA finals last October... so how do I get myself out of this pit of self-pity, and get myself back to being happy on a horse? The desire is there ..I am not driven as I used to be. I'm also alone and in alone I mean no one to share riding,chores, a beer,,....I'm taking care of my autistic teenager on the weekends, and my developmentally disabled sister 24/7. I have a bucket list that will never be recognized. I have 5 acres, a boarding facility ,and arena( needs better ground) that could be a showplace. I have a horse that could go on to be doing great things. I have a colt that is a potential winner...Instead I sit and I stare and I think... I don't know what to do sometimes...so I do nothing.
Hugs and prayers for you  | |
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...Dot Dot Dot...
Posts: 2062
Location: SW New Mexico | Chandler's Mom - 2018-08-17 8:55 PM
jettster - 2018-08-16 8:17 AM
Well I'm almost an adult LOL! I am 57 and 1/2 years old now. My whole life has been focused on succeeding running barrels, training horses, and being someone I've always wanted to be..I didn't get to have horses growing up..my mother raised 5 of us as a widow...
. Life handed me a couple of Upper Cuts to the head. I had a fire come through that took almost everything. The firefighters saved my horse trailer,my horses, my house...thank God... I also had a divorce hit me at the same time.... that almost killed me. I dropped to 104 pounds. I was mentally gone. I have had good horses.... I have been to the turquoise circuit finals... And ..being alone so much... I'm finding I have no desire anymore to do anything . I feel like my soul was crushed. I still feel that way but I've been struggling. I'm in the best shape of my life... I have a great job that pays for just about anything I need... I have Brother Dave ...who's the best horse ever! ;-)
I love my Dave...I dusted him off after 10 months of medical leave..he won a buckle,saddle,and money his first race back since the NMRA finals last October... so how do I get myself out of this pit of self-pity, and get myself back to being happy on a horse? The desire is there ..I am not driven as I used to be. I'm also alone and in alone I mean no one to share riding,chores, a beer,,....I'm taking care of my autistic teenager on the weekends, and my developmentally disabled sister 24/7. I have a bucket list that will never be recognized. I have 5 acres, a boarding facility ,and arena( needs better ground) that could be a showplace. I have a horse that could go on to be doing great things. I have a colt that is a potential winner...Instead I sit and I stare and I think... I don't know what to do sometimes...so I do nothing.
Hugs and prayers for you
Thank you all..
I truly appreciate your kind words ...
I did try a couple dating sites..but they seem to be simply entertainment...for men.
I feel I'm going to die with a manure fork in hand..
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...Dot Dot Dot...
Posts: 2062
Location: SW New Mexico | Griz - 2018-08-17 10:11 AM
Jettster - BIG HUGS! You must be exhausted! I agree with the other poster about you needing help! I don't think you are just sitting and doing nothing, I think you are too tired to take on more!
Thank you..
I'm truly grateful...
I should be in a good place in my life, I'm just not living it....
What am I waiting for.....? | |
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...Dot Dot Dot...
Posts: 2062
Location: SW New Mexico | jake16 - 2018-08-17 9:08 AM
jettster - 2018-08-16 9:17 AM
Well I'm almost an adult LOL! I am 57 and 1/2 years old now. My whole life has been focused on succeeding running barrels, training horses, and being someone I've always wanted to be..I didn't get to have horses growing up..my mother raised 5 of us as a widow...
. Life handed me a couple of Upper Cuts to the head. I had a fire come through that took almost everything. The firefighters saved my horse trailer,my horses, my house...thank God... I also had a divorce hit me at the same time.... that almost killed me. I dropped to 104 pounds. I was mentally gone. I have had good horses.... I have been to the turquoise circuit finals... And ..being alone so much... I'm finding I have no desire anymore to do anything . I feel like my soul was crushed. I still feel that way but I've been struggling. I'm in the best shape of my life... I have a great job that pays for just about anything I need... I have Brother Dave ...who's the best horse ever! ;-)
I love my Dave...I dusted him off after 10 months of medical leave..he won a buckle,saddle,and money his first race back since the NMRA finals last October... so how do I get myself out of this pit of self-pity, and get myself back to being happy on a horse? The desire is there ..I am not driven as I used to be. I'm also alone and in alone I mean no one to share riding,chores, a beer,,....I'm taking care of my autistic teenager on the weekends, and my developmentally disabled sister 24/7. I have a bucket list that will never be recognized. I have 5 acres, a boarding facility ,and arena( needs better ground) that could be a showplace. I have a horse that could go on to be doing great things. I have a colt that is a potential winner...Instead I sit and I stare and I think... I don't know what to do sometimes...so I do nothing.
OMGOSH,YOU HAVE YOUR HANDS FULL,AND YOU NEED SOME HELP!Is there any way you can get some outside help for home?Mentally you must be so tired,I can't even imagine.I bet you could sleep for days.Do you have medical insurance for your sister and son?maybe it would include outside help?So many prayers for you.
I have a Subcare provider for my sister...she gets to get out, and go see a movie, and buying movies and video games is a favorite thing for her to do.
I am in probably the best time in my life ...yet..not living it.
I'm at a loss ..I do exactly what is needed, I take care of everything.. except myself...
They say if you wait long enough, your perfect partner will find you...
I think he's lost..lol..
Thank you so much...I truly appreciate your kind words...
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