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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 596
 
Location: Somewhere in the middle of nowhere | I will be odd man out here....I won't tell you to leave him however I also will not tell you to stay. That is such a personal decision that only YOU can make and only when you are ready to make it. What I do want to say is please allow yourself the time you need to grieve the relationship you once had and wanted. When I divorced, I was heart broken, but not for my husband...but for my marriage. I will also say leaving him will not "fix" your trust issues, you will carry those until you can find peace and a true understanding of a trusting relationship. Many prayers to you no matter what you decide. | |
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Veteran
Posts: 238
| Just playing devil's advocate here. Let's take the whole "cheating husband" out of the scenario and the fact that you know why the other parents are divorced.
This is a man who has found two capable young people to come rope with him. Roping isn't a single person activity. You need multiples, especially if you are team roping, but to help push cattle, run the chute etc. It's not always easy to find help, especially those who are young enough and with enough energy to run around doing the hard/dirty work. So he's found some willing victims.
Why during the day? Why not? If I didn't work during the day, I'd get all of my activities done before evening so I had my evenings open to enjoy friends and family. This from both sides. The kids to be home with mom and to visit with friends, the husband to be home with wife.
Why would mom stop by to watch her kids rope? Welllllll... because she's mom???? I mean, when I was young I asked my mom to come out and watch me every now and then. And sometimes she would bring the "man in her life."
I'm not on anyone's side, I'm just trying to throw a little reason onto this train that is running away on the "OMG He Cheated On You!" bandwagon. It could very well be completely innocent, and if anyone else came on here and asked this question about a normal relationship, people would be like, "What's the big deal?" Instead of "Fry the basta...!!!!"
Regardless of his past, there very well could be a reasonable explanation.
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 1182
Location: Do I hear Banjos? | SpottedT - 2014-04-24 10:43 AM Just playing devil's advocate here. Let's take the whole "cheating husband" out of the scenario and the fact that you know why the other parents are divorced. This is a man who has found two capable young people to come rope with him. Roping isn't a single person activity. You need multiples, especially if you are team roping, but to help push cattle, run the chute etc. It's not always easy to find help, especially those who are young enough and with enough energy to run around doing the hard/dirty work. So he's found some willing victims. Why during the day? Why not? If I didn't work during the day, I'd get all of my activities done before evening so I had my evenings open to enjoy friends and family. This from both sides. The kids to be home with mom and to visit with friends, the husband to be home with wife. Why would mom stop by to watch her kids rope? Welllllll... because she's mom???? I mean, when I was young I asked my mom to come out and watch me every now and then. And sometimes she would bring the "man in her life." I'm not on anyone's side, I'm just trying to throw a little reason onto this train that is running away on the "OMG He Cheated On You!" bandwagon. It could very well be completely innocent, and if anyone else came on here and asked this question about a normal relationship, people would be like, "What's the big deal?" Instead of "Fry the basta...!!!!" Regardless of his past, there very well could be a reasonable explanation.
Why fry him in oil??
Because he is calling her a beyotch for having these concerns. Because he has apparently no concern/compassion for the insecurities and fears his behavior caused in the first place. Becuse her feelings don't seem to matter to him. | |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 616
Location: Texas | aggiejudger - 2014-04-24 9:25 AM
Glittergirl - 2014-04-23 11:34 PM kickincans - 2014-04-23 7:44 PM crackerjack - 2014-04-23 4:09 PM Fact - you do not trust him Fact - he's cheated on you twice I don't blame you, I would not like the situation you're in but he just might be taking an interest in the boy and girl to get to develop a relationship with their Mom. IMO, I would "give him enough rope to hang him". Let him do whatever, whenever. You're right, if he wants to cheat, he will and if he does, I would not want him! If you keep letting him know you do not trust him, that is not going to work. "he just might be taking an interest in the boy and girl to get to develop a relationship with their Mom" Those are my thoughts, we were at a roping Sat he called the boy asked him to come rope, not too long later here comes the mom with her boyfriend, an hr or so later I see the BF going to the bathroom she heads down to the end of the pen where her son is, my husband just happened to be sitting beside him, I see this happening so I walk up behind them, I didn't hear much just the boy telling my husband that he was going to leave, him and another kid is going to go chase women..... My husband's response "there ain't a whole lot of women here old enough for me to be chasing... I didn't say a word just walked away, so during our heated discussion yesterday, I ask if that was a hint to her that he would chase if given the go ahead If I overheard my husband saying there aint a whole lot of women here old enough for me to chase, I would be so furious, and hurt! Married men should not be talking like that. Ever!
That comment tells me he has no respect for you or your relationship. Give him enough time and he'll cheat again. He hasn't changed his ways; he's just waiting for the opportunity. Sorry.
Yes mam that is how I am feeling today
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 399
| First off I wouldnt of been with him after the first time he cheated much less the second. My husband cheated on a previous girlfriend when he was younger and he told me about it. I flat out laid it out that if he EVER did it again. There would be no ifs ands or Buts about it we would be done and his stuff would be out in the yard. Also if he EVER spoke to me the way that you are describing yours it would simple get out. The Lack of respect that he is showing you dosnt represent a husband it represents a boy who obviously cant keep it in his pants. Find someone who thinks you hung the moon not someone who thinks he is gods gift to women. | |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 616
Location: Texas | nmeastplains - 2014-04-24 9:42 AM
I will be odd man out here....I won't tell you to leave him however I also will not tell you to stay. That is such a personal decision that only YOU can make and only when you are ready to make it. What I do want to say is please allow yourself the time you need to grieve the relationship you once had and wanted. When I divorced, I was heart broken, but not for my husband...but for my marriage. I will also say leaving him will not "fix" your trust issues, you will carry those until you can find peace and a true understanding of a trusting relationship. Many prayers to you no matter what you decide.
I know what your saying, when I went thru this 4years ago with him I did mourn and tried to give myself time and now I wonder why I gave him a second chance, but don't get me wrong I am hurting and trying to make the right decision now ....for myself .....to be happy
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 Wide Darn Open
Posts: 2141
| I didn't read this whole thread but I will say this...I know you love him but you have to be respected. Calling you that name is NOT acceptable. I had to walk away from a man that I truly loved and it felt like I was dying but I will not be disrespected. You have to love and respect yourself first and show him and everyone else you're way too good for that! | |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 616
Location: Texas | SpottedT - 2014-04-24 10:43 AM
Just playing devil's advocate here. Let's take the whole "cheating husband" out of the scenario and the fact that you know why the other parents are divorced.
This is a man who has found two capable young people to come rope with him. Roping isn't a single person activity. You need multiples, especially if you are team roping, but to help push cattle, run the chute etc. It's not always easy to find help, especially those who are young enough and with enough energy to run around doing the hard/dirty work. So he's found some willing victims.
Why during the day? Why not? If I didn't work during the day, I'd get all of my activities done before evening so I had my evenings open to enjoy friends and family. This from both sides. The kids to be home with mom and to visit with friends, the husband to be home with wife.
Why would mom stop by to watch her kids rope? Welllllll... because she's mom???? I mean, when I was young I asked my mom to come out and watch me every now and then. And sometimes she would bring the "man in her life."
I'm not on anyone's side, I'm just trying to throw a little reason onto this train that is running away on the "OMG He Cheated On You!" bandwagon. It could very well be completely innocent, and if anyone else came on here and asked this question about a normal relationship, people would be like, "What's the big deal?" Instead of "Fry the basta...!!!!"
Regardless of his past, there very well could be a reasonable explanation.
I see your point too, let me give you a little prior history when we split 4 years ago..my husband let his 26 year old son move in our house when he got mad and quit his job , he was then doing odd jobs and then my husband let sons girlfriend move into our house and I was like a personal maid service to all of them , me being the only one with an 8 to 5 job my husband and step son both self employed and the girl had no job, they would wait on me to come home and fix lunch and be waiting when I got home to fix supper,get up pile dishes in the sink and leave, i finally told my husband I was not doing it anymore, next day he filed for divorce,went to first hearing and lied to judge telling him he worked at our home(which he does not) and I was raising cane and running off his customers, judge gave me 20 days to find somewhere to go, didn't allow him to stay in the house told him he could stay in our living quarters trailer away from me, but the two others were in the house, needless to say they pushed me till I told them both off and they stayed in their room when I was home. The day I left my husband was with another woman...... This is part of my problem with the issue going on now. My trust . He called me 3 months later telling me he was wrong and he had told his son and girlfriend to get out and was not seeing this woman anymore, wanting me to come home.... After lots of thinking and telling him these things could never happen again and we had to go thru marriage counseling ,I decided to move home and now here I am again,I did this to myself
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Veteran
Posts: 238
| Please don't think I'm siding with anyone on this. I'm absolutely staying out of the relationship. I am a firm believer that strangers online have no business meddling in others' relationships.
I hope you figure out what works for you. {{hug}} | |
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 Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9992
Location: Kansas | nmeastplains - 2014-04-24 9:42 AM I will be odd man out here....I won't tell you to leave him however I also will not tell you to stay. That is such a personal decision that only YOU can make and only when you are ready to make it. What I do want to say is please allow yourself the time you need to grieve the relationship you once had and wanted. When I divorced, I was heart broken, but not for my husband...but for my marriage. I will also say leaving him will not "fix" your trust issues, you will carry those until you can find peace and a true understanding of a trusting relationship. Many prayers to you no matter what you decide.
amen | |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 602
| I hope you can figure this situation out..... Not trusting someone will eat you up inside. Marriage is based on trust,honesty, and loyalty...... if one piece is missing then you will become an emotional wreck. | |
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  Expert
Posts: 1584
Location: Central Texas | After lots of thinking and telling him these things could never happen again and we had to go thru marriage counseling ,I decided to move home and now here I am again,I did this to myself
You have summed it up.
You tried and he is not.
Also, once respect is gone, there is nothing to work with. I know the terrible emotions that puts you in.
Now it is decision time, as you well know.
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Location: Choctaw, OK | aggiejudger - 2014-04-23 3:59 PM
The fact that he called you that multiple times tells me that more than roping lessons are going on... 
I agree with this. He wouldn't have made such a big deal about it unless... | |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 616
Location: Texas | SpottedT - 2014-04-24 12:21 PM
Please don't think I'm siding with anyone on this. I'm absolutely staying out of the relationship. I am a firm believer that strangers online have no business meddling in others' relationships.
I hope you figure out what works for you. {{hug}}
Thanks I respect that, I posted this to see if I was putting way more into this and letting my insecurities rule me, getting outsiders opinions on this has helped me but has not swayed me, in my heart I thought I knew what I needed to do, I just needed some other input for my own peace of mind,and I feel no one is meddling, just discussing their views and thats what I wanted,be it good,bad or indifferent and I greatly appreciate everyone!!!! | |
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 Veteran
Posts: 292
Location: Northeast Nebraska | ThreeCorners - 2014-04-23 2:31 PM Well......it's your house to and your family.......BUT, why the problem with the kids coming to rope? I think it's great your husband has taken an interest in these kids who's dad appearantly isnt man enough. Kudos to your husband for stepping up to help these kids. My advice, is not to rock the boat with these kids and get a real handle on your jealousy and imagination. I've been there so I know the tune all to well and quite frankly, you are driving yourself crazy. You have to let it go. No amount of worry and fretting is going to keep your husband faithfull if he chooses not to be. However, I honestly dont see anything in this scenerio to get wound up about. Do you think this 18 year old woman isn't capable of sleeping with the husband too? Personally, I wouldn't even be married to someone that had cheated on me twice and then calls me names when he is behaving badly.
Edited by GoGaited 2014-04-24 4:21 PM
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 616
Location: Texas | GoGaited - 2014-04-24 4:20 PM
ThreeCorners - 2014-04-23 2:31 PM Well......it's your house to and your family.......BUT, why the problem with the kids coming to rope? I think it's great your husband has taken an interest in these kids who's dad appearantly isnt man enough. Kudos to your husband for stepping up to help these kids. My advice, is not to rock the boat with these kids and get a real handle on your jealousy and imagination. I've been there so I know the tune all to well and quite frankly, you are driving yourself crazy. You have to let it go. No amount of worry and fretting is going to keep your husband faithfull if he chooses not to be. However, I honestly dont see anything in this scenerio to get wound up about. Do you think this 18 year old woman isn't capable of sleeping with the husband too? Personally, I wouldn't even be married to someone that had cheated on me twice and then calls me names when he is behaving badly.
I am not going to say it is not possible, there is about a 30 year age difference,I would pray to God that wouldn't be the case........she did come here once by herself to rope when I was at work, I told my husband that the way people talk in this small town it didn't look good.
So it's got back to me that he is going around telling his friends I am acussing him of messing with a 18 year old kid | |
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 You get what you give
Posts: 13030
Location: Texas | kickincans - 2014-04-24 12:03 PM
SpottedT - 2014-04-24 10:43 AM
Just playing devil's advocate here. Let's take the whole "cheating husband" out of the scenario and the fact that you know why the other parents are divorced.
This is a man who has found two capable young people to come rope with him. Roping isn't a single person activity. You need multiples, especially if you are team roping, but to help push cattle, run the chute etc. It's not always easy to find help, especially those who are young enough and with enough energy to run around doing the hard/dirty work. So he's found some willing victims.
Why during the day? Why not? If I didn't work during the day, I'd get all of my activities done before evening so I had my evenings open to enjoy friends and family. This from both sides. The kids to be home with mom and to visit with friends, the husband to be home with wife.
Why would mom stop by to watch her kids rope? Welllllll... because she's mom???? I mean, when I was young I asked my mom to come out and watch me every now and then. And sometimes she would bring the "man in her life."
I'm not on anyone's side, I'm just trying to throw a little reason onto this train that is running away on the "OMG He Cheated On You!" bandwagon. It could very well be completely innocent, and if anyone else came on here and asked this question about a normal relationship, people would be like, "What's the big deal?" Instead of "Fry the basta...!!!!"
Regardless of his past, there very well could be a reasonable explanation.
I see your point too, let me give you a little prior history when we split 4 years ago..my husband let his 26 year old son move in our house when he got mad and quit his job , he was then doing odd jobs and then my husband let sons girlfriend move into our house and I was like a personal maid service to all of them , me being the only one with an 8 to 5 job my husband and step son both self employed and the girl had no job, they would wait on me to come home and fix lunch and be waiting when I got home to fix supper,get up pile dishes in the sink and leave, i finally told my husband I was not doing it anymore, next day he filed for divorce,went to first hearing and lied to judge telling him he worked at our home (which he does not ) and I was raising cane and running off his customers, judge gave me 20 days to find somewhere to go, didn't allow him to stay in the house told him he could stay in our living quarters trailer away from me, but the two others were in the house, needless to say they pushed me till I told them both off and they stayed in their room when I was home. The day I left my husband was with another woman...... This is part of my problem with the issue going on now. My trust . He called me 3 months later telling me he was wrong and he had told his son and girlfriend to get out and was not seeing this woman anymore, wanting me to come home.... After lots of thinking and telling him these things could never happen again and we had to go thru marriage counseling ,I decided to move home and now here I am again,I did this to myself
was he with the woman before he filed for divorce or was it a one night stand while y'all were in the process of divorcing? | |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 616
Location: Texas | I did find out he had been with this woman before he filed,not a one nite stand
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You get what you give
Posts: 13030
Location: Texas | kickincans - 2014-04-24 9:50 PM
I did find out he had been with this woman before he filed,not a one nite stand
yuck. no good. I was hoping maybe it was an " Im mad as hell" kind of things.. guess not. | |
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Location: East of the Pecos | Oh wow, this man is 48? How old are you? Somehow, it sounded like he was younger in the story, but he is mature in age, but never grew up emotionally. He sounds self centered, especially when he retaliated against you by filing for a divorce to get even and lying to the judge. Two can play that game, so get your finances straight first, have your own bank account that he doesn't have access to, since you work. If you can afford to keep the place where you live, ask him to move out and have a good attorney first who is in your corner, but get prepared first. Don't you leave, make him leave, you've been married long enough to get 1/2. Don't let him bully you, stand up for yourself, you sound much younger than him, I think. I feel sorry for his next wife, she will have to deal with the same crap, and you will have learned a valuable lesson that will help you move on to someone who respects and cherishes you, and you will always wonder why you didn't do this sooner. | |
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