|
|
 Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9992
    
Location: Kansas | cheryl makofka - 2014-10-17 8:35 PM
RidenFly - 2014-10-17 6:34 PM
cheryl makofka - 2014-10-18 4:22 PM Whiteboy - 2014-10-17 5:18 PM There is nothing better than when I walk in the door from work and my 2 year old runs up to me yelling, "Datty" and give me a big hug around my leg. No "thing" in this world can ever compare.Â
I'm probably gonna get flamed for this, but...I feel really sorry for anybody that will never know that kind of happiness. Â
I also wonder if the collapse in moral values in our nation is at least in part because of the lack of interest in marriage and families.  If people have nothing to worry about but "themselves" why would they care about the future? (I know this isn't true with everyone) I have to disagree with your statements IF PEOPLE HAVE NOBODY TO WORRY ABOUT THEMSELVES, WHY WOULD THEY CARE ABOUT THE FUTURE Working in the health care for years, I have about 100 reasons why I choose not to have children, yes some people would my reasons are selfish, but in would say it is me being aware of my limitations and what I am not willing to compromise. I have also heard from board members here and it drives me crazy people have choose to have children, but have admitted their children are not their first. My values my parents instilled in me taught me if you want to have children they need to come first before everything. For me deciding to not have children, I am caring about the future, what I can contribute as a person as an individual, I am also caring about the life I choose not to bring into the world. Personally I think all who want children should have a mental health assessment attend education seminars and be issued a liscence to have a child. This would be doing the future a favor
Everyone's parents are a little screwed up. Â So what? Â We survive anyway.Â
What about the children born with physical deformities and mental impairment due to their parents smoking/injecting drugs and/or drinking throughout their pregnancies.
What about the children who are sexually abused by their mother/father when they are as little as two years old or even younger.
What about the children who are living in houses where meth is cooked, the meth is absorbed through the skin and inhalation.
What about the kids who are born into gangs or join gangs as there is no other alternative
You cannot tell me these kids are okay.
I'm sorry but I grew up not really knowing my father, my mother smoked method, crack, snorted coke......was a severe alcoholic...so I grew up taking care of myself. NOT ALL KIDS WHO GROWNUP IN HOMES LIKE THAT BECOME SCREW UPS. I grew up knowing that I will better myself and never touch drugs....and to this day, I never have.I do agree that those poor children should never have ever seen that, no they are not okay...and most grow up in foster homes. My heart will always ache for them. And some of those people should never have children because of the hell they put those kids through in life. I've seen it myself, and I will never allowy child to ever look upon that hell I had to see as a child. Rant over, sorry if I get flamed.....but it ticked me off. | |
| | |
  That's White "Man" to You
Posts: 5515
| cheryl makofka - 2014-10-17 6:22 PM Whiteboy - 2014-10-17 5:18 PM There is nothing better than when I walk in the door from work and my 2 year old runs up to me yelling, "Datty" and give me a big hug around my leg. No "thing" in this world can ever compare.
I'm probably gonna get flamed for this, but...I feel really sorry for anybody that will never know that kind of happiness.
I also wonder if the collapse in moral values in our nation is at least in part because of the lack of interest in marriage and families. If people have nothing to worry about but "themselves" why would they care about the future? (I know this isn't true with everyone) I have to disagree with your statements IF PEOPLE HAVE NOBODY TO WORRY ABOUT THEMSELVES, WHY WOULD THEY CARE ABOUT THE FUTURE Working in the health care for years, I have about 100 reasons why I choose not to have children, yes some people would my reasons are selfish, but in would say it is me being aware of my limitations and what I am not willing to compromise. I have also heard from board members here and it drives me crazy people have choose to have children, but have admitted their children are not their first. My values my parents instilled in me taught me if you want to have children they need to come first before everything. For me deciding to not have children, I am caring about the future, what I can contribute as a person as an individual, I am also caring about the life I choose not to bring into the world. Personally I think all who want children should have a mental health assessment attend education seminars and be issued a liscence to have a child. This would be doing the future a favor
You are a communist aren't you? | |
| | |
 Expert
Posts: 1526
Location: Texas | I just couldn't picture having a baby. If I had been married to the right man earlier in life.....maybe.....but not now. I don't like it when people get remarried and think they have to have a child with every man you marry. Having children is a lot of responsibility.....I have enough taking care of myself. | |
| | |
 Roan On The Range
Posts: 7889
Location: Stephenville, TX | Back to the original topic of being childless by choice...
People find happiness in different things. And that's okay. No intervention to save them from "missing out" on your idea of happiness is necessary. Just be happy that they're happy and let them be.
| |
| | |
The Advice Guru
Posts: 6419
| Whiteboy - 2014-10-17 10:06 PM
cheryl makofka - 2014-10-17 6:22 PM Whiteboy - 2014-10-17 5:18 PM There is nothing better than when I walk in the door from work and my 2 year old runs up to me yelling, "Datty" and give me a big hug around my leg. No "thing" in this world can ever compare.Â
I'm probably gonna get flamed for this, but...I feel really sorry for anybody that will never know that kind of happiness. Â
I also wonder if the collapse in moral values in our nation is at least in part because of the lack of interest in marriage and families.  If people have nothing to worry about but "themselves" why would they care about the future? (I know this isn't true with everyone) I have to disagree with your statements IF PEOPLE HAVE NOBODY TO WORRY ABOUT THEMSELVES, WHY WOULD THEY CARE ABOUT THE FUTURE Working in the health care for years, I have about 100 reasons why I choose not to have children, yes some people would my reasons are selfish, but in would say it is me being aware of my limitations and what I am not willing to compromise. I have also heard from board members here and it drives me crazy people have choose to have children, but have admitted their children are not their first. My values my parents instilled in me taught me if you want to have children they need to come first before everything. For me deciding to not have children, I am caring about the future, what I can contribute as a person as an individual, I am also caring about the life I choose not to bring into the world. Personally I think all who want children should have a mental health assessment attend education seminars and be issued a liscence to have a child. This would be doing the future a favor
Not communist, a communist believes in equality, I don't, but since every country supports social assistance;
We need to pass a drivers test, we have to apply for a marriage liscence, for certain jobs we need a criminal record check, some mental health assessment.
If we had liscences to bear children, all children would then be wanted, every person applying for a liscence would know the inherent risks of children physical, mental, socioeconomic on themselves and the child. This would be making an informed choice.
This would save a lot of money not as many people on welfare, people not procreating to receive more money from the government to spend on themselves.
| |
| | |
That's White "Man" to You
Posts: 5515
| Just Plain Lucky - 2014-10-17 6:09 PM Whiteboy - 2014-10-17 6:18 PM
I'm probably gonna get flamed for this, but...I feel really sorry for anybody that will never know that kind of happiness.
I also wonder if the collapse in moral values in our nation is at least in part because of the lack of interest in marriage and families. If people have nothing to worry about but "themselves" why would they care about the future? (I know this isn't true with everyone) I've heard the first statement so many times before that I'm almost numb to it. Almost. Well maybe not since it's the ultimate insult to people who simply don't want children and those who really can't have them despite wanting them so badly.
The second is a new low, though. Wow, I think I've heard it all now. The crown jewel. The icing on the cake. The piece of resistance. *Slow clap*
First, I'm sorry you are offended by what I said. To those who want children and cant conceive, there are alternatives.
Second, so you believe that family structure is not helpful in developing your own personal values? Some of the very best people I know came from difficult family circumstances, however, it is much harder to have to rise above the problems than it is to never be involved with them. Some people are always looking for justification though, they find oportunities to be offended, and those people don't change their mind very easily. | |
| | |
That's White "Man" to You
Posts: 5515
| cheryl makofka - 2014-10-17 10:24 PM Whiteboy - 2014-10-17 10:06 PM cheryl makofka - 2014-10-17 6:22 PM Whiteboy - 2014-10-17 5:18 PM There is nothing better than when I walk in the door from work and my 2 year old runs up to me yelling, "Datty" and give me a big hug around my leg. No "thing" in this world can ever compare.
I'm probably gonna get flamed for this, but...I feel really sorry for anybody that will never know that kind of happiness.
I also wonder if the collapse in moral values in our nation is at least in part because of the lack of interest in marriage and families. If people have nothing to worry about but "themselves" why would they care about the future? (I know this isn't true with everyone) I have to disagree with your statements IF PEOPLE HAVE NOBODY TO WORRY ABOUT THEMSELVES, WHY WOULD THEY CARE ABOUT THE FUTURE Working in the health care for years, I have about 100 reasons why I choose not to have children, yes some people would my reasons are selfish, but in would say it is me being aware of my limitations and what I am not willing to compromise. I have also heard from board members here and it drives me crazy people have choose to have children, but have admitted their children are not their first. My values my parents instilled in me taught me if you want to have children they need to come first before everything. For me deciding to not have children, I am caring about the future, what I can contribute as a person as an individual, I am also caring about the life I choose not to bring into the world. Personally I think all who want children should have a mental health assessment attend education seminars and be issued a liscence to have a child. This would be doing the future a favor Not communist, a communist believes in equality, I don't, but since every country supports social assistance; We need to pass a drivers test, we have to apply for a marriage liscence, for certain jobs we need a criminal record check, some mental health assessment. If we had liscences to bear children, all children would then be wanted, every person applying for a liscence would know the inherent risks of children physical, mental, socioeconomic on themselves and the child. This would be making an informed choice. This would save a lot of money not as many people on welfare, people not procreating to receive more money from the government to spend on themselves.
So to hell with personal responsibilty? Right, the gov. knows best. We should also limit it to a certain look, such as only blonds should reproduce. | |
| | |
The Advice Guru
Posts: 6419
| hoofs_in_motion - 2014-10-17 9:59 PM
cheryl makofka - 2014-10-17 8:35 PM
RidenFly - 2014-10-17 6:34 PM
cheryl makofka - 2014-10-18 4:22 PM Whiteboy - 2014-10-17 5:18 PM There is nothing better than when I walk in the door from work and my 2 year old runs up to me yelling, "Datty" and give me a big hug around my leg. No "thing" in this world can ever compare.Â
I'm probably gonna get flamed for this, but...I feel really sorry for anybody that will never know that kind of happiness. Â
I also wonder if the collapse in moral values in our nation is at least in part because of the lack of interest in marriage and families.  If people have nothing to worry about but "themselves" why would they care about the future? (I know this isn't true with everyone) I have to disagree with your statements IF PEOPLE HAVE NOBODY TO WORRY ABOUT THEMSELVES, WHY WOULD THEY CARE ABOUT THE FUTURE Working in the health care for years, I have about 100 reasons why I choose not to have children, yes some people would my reasons are selfish, but in would say it is me being aware of my limitations and what I am not willing to compromise. I have also heard from board members here and it drives me crazy people have choose to have children, but have admitted their children are not their first. My values my parents instilled in me taught me if you want to have children they need to come first before everything. For me deciding to not have children, I am caring about the future, what I can contribute as a person as an individual, I am also caring about the life I choose not to bring into the world. Personally I think all who want children should have a mental health assessment attend education seminars and be issued a liscence to have a child. This would be doing the future a favor
Everyone's parents are a little screwed up. Â So what? Â We survive anyway.Â
What about the children born with physical deformities and mental impairment due to their parents smoking/injecting drugs and/or drinking throughout their pregnancies.
What about the children who are sexually abused by their mother/father when they are as little as two years old or even younger.
What about the children who are living in houses where meth is cooked, the meth is absorbed through the skin and inhalation.
What about the kids who are born into gangs or join gangs as there is no other alternative
You cannot tell me these kids are okay.
I'm sorry but I grew up not really knowing my father, my mother smoked method, crack, snorted coke......was a severe alcoholic...so I grew up taking care of myself. NOT ALL KIDS WHO GROWNUP IN HOMES LIKE THAT BECOME SCREW UPS. I grew up knowing that I will better myself and never touch drugs....and to this day, I never have.I do agree that those poor children should never have ever seen that, no they are not okay...and most grow up in foster homes. My heart will always ache for them. And some of those people should never have children because of the hell they put those kids through in life. I've seen it myself, and I will never allowy child to ever look upon that hell I had to see as a child. Rant over, sorry if I get flamed.....but it ticked me off.
No where did I say these children are screw ups, I said these kids are not okay.
The emotional and mental issues these children have to live with every day, I could not even fathom.
Congrats to you for prevailing, you do have my admiration
| |
| | |
That's White "Man" to You
Posts: 5515
| Running Roan - 2014-10-17 10:21 PM Back to the original topic of being childless by choice...
People find happiness in different things. And that's okay. No intervention to save them from "missing out" on your idea of happiness is necessary. Just be happy that they're happy and let them be.
Valid point. I hadn't really thought of it like that. | |
| | |
10D Crack Champion
| Running Roan - 2014-10-17 10:21 PM Back to the original topic of being childless by choice...
People find happiness in different things. And that's okay. No intervention to save them from "missing out" on your idea of happiness is necessary. Just be happy that they're happy and let them be.
Such a great point. Happiness like success is defined differently by each individual.
This great debate reminds me of the battle of the working outside the home moms vs. the stay at home (working) moms..... Instead of encouraging each other many times they belittle each other for their choice or necessity.
People living happy and satisfied is a positive thing for our country. ... of course as long as their happiness and satisfaction is not brought about by illegal actions of cruel actions.
It's not like having children or not having children is an issue where an intervention should be staged to save a person from self-destruction. It's a personal choice. If it's what a person really wants, then great. If it is not what the person wants, then great too.
We need to be concerned about those who have children and don't want them and those who want children, but can't have them. Many children are not a priority and put in very sad situations. Adoption is not an easy process. Invitro and reproductive services are expensive.
Edited by sodapop 2014-10-17 11:48 PM
| |
| | |
 Thread Killer
Posts: 7545
| Whiteboy - 2014-10-17 11:28 PM
Just Plain Lucky - 2014-10-17 6:09 PM Whiteboy - 2014-10-17 6:18 PM
I'm probably gonna get flamed for this, but...I feel really sorry for anybody that will never know that kind of happiness. Â
I also wonder if the collapse in moral values in our nation is at least in part because of the lack of interest in marriage and families.  If people have nothing to worry about but "themselves" why would they care about the future? (I know this isn't true with everyone) I've heard the first statement so many times before that I'm almost numb to it. Almost. Well maybe not since it's the ultimate insult to people who simply don't want children and those who really can't have them despite wanting them so badly.
The second is a new low, though. Wow, I think I've heard it all now. The crown jewel. The icing on the cake. The piece of resistance. *Slow clap* Â
Second, so you believe that family structure is not helpful in developing your own personal values? Some of the very best people I know came from difficult family circumstances, however, it is much harder to have to rise above the problems than it is to never be involved with them.  Some people are always looking for justification though, they find oportunities to be offended, and those people don't change their mind very easily. Â
 I DO believe that family is important for many different reasons other than child rearing. I don't hate kids, I just don't want any of my own. Why is that wrong, or a symptom of bad character? I take a lot of pride in the way my animals are treated, for example. Their needs come before mine. I spent hours taking care of one of our chickens that got stepped on by a horse...lol. that was fun. | |
| | |
Expert
Posts: 1432
| I never wanted kids. I have a absolutely no desire to be a mother. I hve 6 nieces and nephews. I love them dearly and really like hanging out with them but I can spoil them rotten and send them home. Maybe I'm selfish but I really enjoy my quiet house and freedom. I've pretty much dedicated my life to training horses and rodeoing. A child just doesn't fit into my life. | |
| | |
 Veteran
Posts: 174
| Just to throw this out there.... I love children and always dreamed of being a momma. As a child and young adult, I naively assumed that it would happen. Sadly, it has not and I am scared that the time has passed me by.
Pray, talk to your husband and do what is right for you.
Just be grateful you have the choice. Wishing you the best in your future. | |
| | |
 I Don't Brag
Posts: 6960
| I have always known that I did not want kids. Am past that point in my life and still have yet to regret it.
I grew up the youngest in a family of 8. Have been an aunt since I was 6 and have babysat and changed diapers back in the day when you had to rinse them out in the toilet before you washed them. A very familiar with the responsibilities but none of the "joy". I am floored when people have kids and say they had no idea of how much work and responsibility they are.
Couple that with the slow realization that parents really did not like kids. My mother LOVED babies but was looking for her next baby fix by the time they hit about 2 years old. I do not recall my mother ever telling me that she loved me, or that she ever tried to comfort me when hurt or scared or pretty much any of the things you would expect out of a "mother". My father tried, but he really had no patience for children. Not complaining about how I was raised, to be responsible with good, solid moral values, but there just wasn't much of the touchy, feely, warm fuzzies in my childhood. It took me years to realize that it didn't BE to be that way, but by then I realized that having children with my hubby was not a good idea, especially after helping to raise his daughter and seeing what his idea of parenting is ( he would have never had my back and I would have always been the bad guy).
I can't say that I love kids in general but I love my nieces and nephews. It is my house they come to when they become out of control and their parents can't handle them. I am OK with being an Aunt, not a mom. And I have no idea in the world of how you raise a child to decide for themselves and trust themselves to not fall sway to peer pressure. I never did, but have no idea of how I got that way.
Then you have the daunting task of raising kids in today's world where your rights to parent have become so undermined that you are a parent in name only, and facing a future world that I am actually glad I won't have to see......how could I possibly prepare a child for that??!!
"They" say that when it is your own child, everything changes, but I for one, was not willing to take that chance and end up having a miserable child (due to my shortcomings). Kinda like why I have never drank alcohol, it tastes nasty and I see no point in "learning to like it" as so many folks have told me I need to do. Never have had the baby gene, I see no attraction to tiny infants that make so many women go weak in the knees....why take the chance that I "might" change.
I feel no emptiness in my life and people feel the need to judge me, then go ahead, I could really not care less. You make YOUR decision and do the same. It's no one else's business but you and your husband's.
| |
| | |
Draw the Line
Posts: 1371
Location: Too Far North | If everyone had kids where would the rich aunties and uncles come from to leave my kids a bundle? I sure am not saving for their inheritance, so somebodies got to do it.
Seriously, A person who doesn't want kids should not have them. Nothing worse than growing up knowing you are not wanted or in the way. In my mothers family of 3 kids, she is the only one who had kids. Nothing unusual to me about people not wanting to have kids. | |
| | |
 Dog Resuce Agent
Posts: 3459
Location: southeast Texas | I always knew I didn't want kids. Had a few brain farts, but like the real thing, quickly faded in the wind.
| |
| | |
 Lady Di
Posts: 21556
Location: Oklahoma | I always said I didn't want children. I was a school teacher....taught from the time I graduated college and the ripe old age of 21. I had 3 sisters that all had multiple children (one was told she couldn't have children, so they adopted and later had 2 more biological children) and I had seen 2 of them go through messy divorces and the toll it took on the children, not too mention the many foster kids I taught....so I always just said I didn't want any. My plan was just to marry someone who had been divorced and he would have kids, so I could be a "surrogate" mother....screwed up, I know, but not everyone is real smart when they're 21. lol Dated lots of divorced men, but I ended up with one that had never been married and that didn't have any kids, but really wanted at least one. After a couple of years of marriage, he had pestered me enough that I told him ok, I would try, but if I didn't get pregnant, we weren't going to fertility clinics, etc. He said ok. I figured at 39, my biological clock was probably on its last legs anyway. Not so....first month off birth control....bam....pregnant. I'm not going to say that pregnancy, childbirth and child rearing was the greatest thing ever, but all in all I am very blessed with a wonderful, Godly daughter that has enriched my life in so many ways and made me a better, more caring person than I would have been otherwise. She has been a blessing and I am so glad that I have her now and that my husband talked me into it, but if it had been up to me, I would have lived my life childless and doubt I would have regretted it, because I would not have known what I was missing. I would never belittle anyone for the choices they make. It's their choices and their lives and they're the ones that have to live it, not me. If you feel like you don't want children, you probably don't need one. There are many times that I feel like I wasn't a good mother....like maybe I just missed those genes, but everyone says I'm a great mom....sometimes even my daughter says that (lol)....and I do love children, but I think I just didn't get the nurturing gene....it's just not natural to me. She was never hungry or abused or anything like that, but thank God for a nurturing husband who helped a whole lot along the way. :) I could never have done it without him and God. I figured if God gave her to me to take care of, then He thought I was good enough, so that's all I needed. :) If you want to have children, do. If you don't want to have children, then don't, and don't let other people bother you. It's YOUR life and you have to live it as you see fit.
Edited by dianeguinn 2014-10-18 1:59 PM
| |
| | |
Lady Di
Posts: 21556
Location: Oklahoma | DLV - 2014-10-17 12:10 PM
So next month I turn 30 and I still have no desire to have kids! Everyone always told me "oh you'll change your mind" "when you get older you'll want kids" etc etc.... but I still really do not! I have no desire to be pregnant, give birth or spend my time raising one or spend $1,000's on a child! When we got married, we both said we really didn't want children but now my husband has said he does and I don't! I have always said if I DID decide I wanted kids, I'd like to adopt an older child but he wants no part of that so we're at a standstill. I'm really not a baby person and don't think I'd enjoy it and knowing my husbands job, he'd not have a lot of time to spend with a child so I'd be doing most of the work. I know everyone says "when it's your own kid it's different" or "you need to have someone to take care of you when you're old" but I don't think it's a responsible decision to just have a kid in hopes that you'll like it or for "someone to take care of you" which just because you have a child is NO gaurentee that they will and the decision is irreversible obviously!! I'd be fine today getting my tubes tied and not looking back but my husband says no as he thinks I'll change my mind! Maybe in time I will change my mind but I'm 30 and don't want to be a super old parent and still don't want to so I'm thinking no! Anyone else feel this way? How do you know? I don't want regrets but really am thinking I'll never change my mind about this! It's not that I don't like kids, I am very involved with them in several ways but after a few hrs, I'm exhausted and ready to give them back to their parents! Any thoughts!?
I had my only at 40....I don't feel I'm super old, but maybe I am. lol She's 22 now and I feel like she has helped keep me young. But I felt exactly like you at 30. | |
| | |
 Three in a Bikini
Posts: 2035
| I am so glad this thread exists...
I think I am on the same page of a different book.
I would actually like to have 4 children. Maybe more! Haha.
But I have zero child urges at this time in my life. And unless I want to spend every year pregnant for the foreseeable future, I do not picture how my little clan of babies will work out.
The plan is to just keep waiting till the urge hits me. If nothing comes to fruition, there is always adoption!  | |
| | |
 Elite Veteran
Posts: 1118
Location: The South | I wish I had good advice for you. I completely understand where you're coming from though, I turned 30 this year and I'm not going to have children. I've been married for 5 years and my husband knew how I felt about kids from the beginning. He thought he might want one if I ever changed my mind, but now he says he realizes that with our jobs there's no way we could raise a child properly. So he got snipped this year! At first I freaked out about scheduling his appointment, thinking "what if I change my mind", but ultimately I realized I was being silly. I've always known I didn't want children, and I don't think its something that you suddenly change your mind about. Sorry I'm not much help, but just try not to let anyone's opinions affect your decision. It's your life, not theirs!! | |
| |
| |
Folks on-line