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  Witty Enough
Posts: 2954
   
Location: CTX | I would be livid!! Especially after you asked him not to do this, and he does it anyway, and then reacts like it doesn't matter.... ohh, the sh!t would hit the fan so fast his head would spin if my husband ever pulled a stunt like that. Luckily my husband knows and respects my wishes, and if he is not sure he will ask me.
I agree that some of his actions and reactions are red flags, but that is something you will have to work out for yourself.
My major issue would be liability, who would be paying if anything had happened, either to the girls, or your horse... I am pretty sure it would be you...
good luck with working this out.
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 A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
 
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | I'm sorry that your guy hurt your feelings, I understand how you feel, if my husband ever EVER gave some teenage girls pony rides I would be highley upset, MY horses and they are off limits to anyone, we had many people wanting to ride my horses and he just tells them nope these are my wife horses and I dont do pony rides. Your boyfriend should have not done this, he should have called you and asked if it was ok. I hope that you can work over this, buttttt he sounds like he will do it again to entertain these girls, do you know why he was with these girls in the first place?  | |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 490
| Are you engaged to my ex? I can tell you from experience, it doesnt get better. It will get worse. The best thing you can do is take a deep breath and think with your brain. Really evaluate the situation. I walked away from my ex. He started off mentally abusive and it escalated to verbally and eventually physically abusive. Was mean to my dogs, horses, guinea pigs, basically anything smaller then him. Including me. Not saying yours is, but its a huge red flag. And to answer your initial question..... YES I WOULD BE LIVID! My husband knows noone gets on my horses without permission. We dont host pony rides or a petting zoo. These are athletes. | |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 933
Location: north dakota | mlh0972 - 2015-10-29 2:25 PM
Like everyone else has said, there are a couple red flags.
I think if he is ignoring your requests already about something that can, 1. potentially hurt someone if not handle right and 2. Would hurt you emotionally if something ever happened to it, is a HUGE red flag.
The next issue is the whole mis-treating an animal while drunk/any time. That is a huge no no no no HELL no for me! I do NOT take lightly to mistreating of any of my animals drunk or sober. I consider my animals as my children and would never beat or abuse my child.
I think going to a marriage counselor or church leader to talk about your needs and wants would really help. Some times having someone unbiased to hear both of you out helps. Your both SUPER young. I'm 25 and understand how childish I can still be in my relationship. I think if he is not listening to you and you are mis-communicating to him, that is sort of the root to a lot of your issues.
I wouldn't say leave him without at least attempting to work through it, no one is perfect after all, but I do say that is counseling and trying to work through it doesn't work, it may be time to reconsider your choices. Who and what do you love more? Would you give up your animals to be with him at the end of the day? It's a tough choice but I think having someone outside the picture will really help, after all, we are all going to side with you on this since our horses are our world.
Good luck 
I agree with this advice. Any problems you have will get was worse with marriage. You guys both should be respectful towards each other and learn a better way to communicate during conflict resolution. | |
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 Extreme Veteran
Posts: 425
Location: California | The girls were apparently friends of the family (one being his moms God Niece). Apparently his mom also got a pony ride. Thank goodness I didn't see her last night while she would have said "thank you". Of course he told his mom I got mad.
No, I do not pay for board. That was part of the deal when I moved in. His mom knows zero about animals. She likes to have family/friends over & in a sense show off what they have.
Now I had said when my fiance got drunk once he "Man Handled" my horse. This does not necessarily mean he abused him. He just likes to do things in a way in which I do not. I like to view my relationship with horses as a partnership, not like an ownership. His family is old school from Mexico, so they were raised to be more firm with horses.
*Also as an update, we just got done with lunch. We had a very calm conversation about everything. Of course since we were in public we could blow up on each other. I told him sorry I blew up, but to see it from my point of view. He was in the middle of cleaning his pig barns & trying to take care of the farrowing sows, but they "bombarded" him, so he basically did it to please & get rid of them.
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 628
Location: Missouri | ccarpe18 - 2015-10-29 3:04 PM
The girls were apparently friends of the family (one being his moms God Niece). Apparently his mom also got a pony ride. Thank goodness I didn't see her last night while she would have said "thank you". Of course he told his mom I got mad.
No, I do not pay for board. That was part of the deal when I moved in. His mom knows zero about animals. She likes to have family/friends over & in a sense show off what they have.
Now I had said when my fiance got drunk once he "Man Handled" my horse. This does not necessarily mean he abused him. He just likes to do things in a way in which I do not. I like to view my relationship with horses as a partnership, not like an ownership. His family is old school from Mexico, so they were raised to be more firm with horses.
*Also as an update, we just got done with lunch. We had a very calm conversation about everything. Of course since we were in public we could blow up on each other. I told him sorry I blew up, but to see it from my point of view. He was in the middle of cleaning his pig barns & trying to take care of the farrowing sows, but they "bombarded" him, so he basically did it to please & get rid of them.
I would still suggest going to a counselor who can help you all better communicate. It seems to me that his family has a little to much "say". I think that is should be a partnership first and for most. When family gets involved it can be super dangerous. I love my BF's family but at the end of the day the relationship, issues, us, is between two people, him and I. If he caved on this instance and let them ride your horse, who is to say he won't cave in other areas. My bf is a HUGE family guy, me, I have my sister. I love that he loves his family and wants to spend time with them and does things for him, but if they ever caused an issue with us, I would put my foot down. Like I said, a relationship is between two people. | |
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 Googly Goo
Posts: 7053
| Just Plain Lucky - 2015-10-29 3:07 PM
TXBO - 2015-10-29 2:27 PM
Just Plain Lucky - 2015-10-29 1:21 PM TXBO - 2015-10-29 1:49 PM ~BINGO~ - 2015-10-29 12:44 PM I'd be ****ed. My dad did the same thing to me. He was feeding the horses while hubby and I were out of town. I didn't get a picture. But he said his wife's kids(my folks are divorced) really enjoyed riding my horse. I told him that was wrong of him and not his place to make that decision without consulting me. And it had better not happen again. He doesn't understand the harm in it. And maybe there is no harm done, but it is disrespectful. I would have never told my Dad that he couldn't use something of mine without consulting with me. Especially if it was while he was at my house doing me a favor.
Guess I just grew up in another time.
But nobody got hurt.
There's also a huge difference between warning your Dad that a horse may not be safe for a child and referring to him as "disrespectful". | |
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 Expert
Posts: 1857
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Googly Goo
Posts: 7053
| Just Plain Lucky - 2015-10-29 3:29 PM "But nobody got hurt" Omg...dude. I give up.
That's your best move yet. | |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 915
Location: SE KS | Racer4eva - 2015-10-29 12:43 PM
I would have flipped. My animals are mine. I dont share. I dont mean an occasional pony ride but i do not let anyone ride them without me there. None of them are beginner broke either, but i can occasional do pony rides as long as im standing there. JMO
This!!!!!! Exactly!!!!!! | |
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Common Sense and then some
Location: So. California | Do you have a wedding date set? I would take a good hard look at the relationship and ask yourself if that is how you want to be treated as a wife? Sit back and be honest with yourself about what attracts you to the him, what are the key areas of your relationship, what you see as 50/50 (obviously there is always give and take) and what you can and can not live with. Are your goals the same? Children? Family values? 5 years from now? Religous views?
Do yourself a favor and take your time with making a final decision regarding matrimony, you'll be happier in the end.
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A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | You say that his family is old school from Mexico, now that would worry me a bit, so you live with him and his family? I know that men from old school Mexico can be very dominating over women and animals so please be really carefull in this if you are planning to get married.  | |
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 Serious Snap Trapper
Posts: 4275
Location: In The Snow, AZ | TXBO - 2015-10-29 1:24 PM Just Plain Lucky - 2015-10-29 3:07 PM TXBO - 2015-10-29 2:27 PM Just Plain Lucky - 2015-10-29 1:21 PM TXBO - 2015-10-29 1:49 PM ~BINGO~ - 2015-10-29 12:44 PM I'd be ****ed. My dad did the same thing to me. He was feeding the horses while hubby and I were out of town. I didn't get a picture. But he said his wife's kids(my folks are divorced) really enjoyed riding my horse. I told him that was wrong of him and not his place to make that decision without consulting me. And it had better not happen again. He doesn't understand the harm in it. And maybe there is no harm done, but it is disrespectful. I would have never told my Dad that he couldn't use something of mine without consulting with me. Especially if it was while he was at my house doing me a favor.
Guess I just grew up in another time. But nobody got hurt. There's also a huge difference between warning your Dad that a horse may not be safe for a child and referring to him as "disrespectful".
Oh whaaaa. Big deal. I stand by believing it is disrespectful. I sure as $hit wouldn't go to my dads house and mess with his stuff without his knowledge. Because it's disrespectful. | |
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 Hog Tie My Mojo
Posts: 4847
Location: Opelousas, LA | RidenFly - 2015-10-29 12:59 PM I probably would feel creepy about why my man would try and entertain 18 year old girls. Forget the horse, what would happen if something he inadvertantly said or did gave one of them the wrong idea? Who's he trying to impress? I wouldn't end the relationship but holy hell the hammer would fall.
Exactly, unless they are daughters of his boss or best friend from out of town and thier dad was present, that is just inappropriate. Going against your wishes is inconsiderate but if he has a thing for young, underage girls that is a whole new level of wrong. | |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 1182
Location: Do I hear Banjos? | What the heck relation is a God Niece? I know what God parents are...they will raise you if your parents become deceased...so basically the two young ladies are no real relation and just friends of the family. So fair game for the slightly older man to maybe want to impress perhaps.
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 672
| TrailGirl - 2015-10-29 4:40 PM
What the heck relation is a God Niece? I know what God parents are...they will raise you if your parents become deceased...so basically the two young ladies are no real relation and just friends of the family. So fair game for the slightly older man to maybe want to impress perhaps.
Ok, what?! I think everyone is going a little crazy on judging him when NOBODY but the OP knows him - and they are taking what she said when she was still mad at him and making some pretty strong assumptions!
Old school Mexican - ok, maybe horses are more like livestock to them and they see a horse as a horse as a horse - not a finely tuned athlete that us barrel racers do!
God-niece - I know Spanish/Catholics have a very close religious family and this girl could be like a daughter to the MIL.
Not meaning to offend anyone, but remember we are talking about her fiance and you probably wouldn't want anyone (even well meaning) going after YOUR guy like on this post.
I am sure the OP has a lot to think about now, and if it turns out she is in a bad relationship, well I hope she gets the help she needs.
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 1182
Location: Do I hear Banjos? | veintiocho - 2015-10-29 4:49 PM
TrailGirl - 2015-10-29 4:40 PM
What the heck relation is a God Niece? I know what God parents are...they will raise you if your parents become deceased...so basically the two young ladies are no real relation and just friends of the family. So fair game for the slightly older man to maybe want to impress perhaps.
Ok, what?! I think everyone is going a little crazy on judging him when NOBODY but the OP knows him - and they are taking what she said when she was still mad at him and making some pretty strong assumptions!
Old school Mexican - ok, maybe horses are more like livestock to them and they see a horse as a horse as a horse - not a finely tuned athlete that us barrel racers do!
God-niece - I know Spanish/Catholics have a very close religious family and this girl could be like a daughter to the MIL.
Not meaning to offend anyone, but remember we are talking about her fiance and you probably wouldn't want anyone (even well meaning ) going after YOUR guy like on this post.
I am sure the OP has a lot to think about now, and if it turns out she is in a bad relationship, well I hope she gets the help she needs.
I said impress...not molest..lol calm down.
The most disparaging remarks on here really came from the OP. Her words tell us he is rough with her horse when drunk...tells her she is being a psycho...dismisses her when he doesn't want to discuss something...disregards her wishes for the handling of her horses...what did I leave out?
We go with what we are given for info. | |
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Googly Goo
Posts: 7053
| ~BINGO~ - 2015-10-29 4:26 PM TXBO - 2015-10-29 1:24 PM Just Plain Lucky - 2015-10-29 3:07 PM TXBO - 2015-10-29 2:27 PM Just Plain Lucky - 2015-10-29 1:21 PM TXBO - 2015-10-29 1:49 PM ~BINGO~ - 2015-10-29 12:44 PM I'd be ****ed. My dad did the same thing to me. He was feeding the horses while hubby and I were out of town. I didn't get a picture. But he said his wife's kids(my folks are divorced) really enjoyed riding my horse. I told him that was wrong of him and not his place to make that decision without consulting me. And it had better not happen again. He doesn't understand the harm in it. And maybe there is no harm done, but it is disrespectful. I would have never told my Dad that he couldn't use something of mine without consulting with me. Especially if it was while he was at my house doing me a favor.
Guess I just grew up in another time. But nobody got hurt. There's also a huge difference between warning your Dad that a horse may not be safe for a child and referring to him as "disrespectful".
Like I said, we come from different times.
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 Swiffer PIcker Upper
Posts: 4015
Location: Four Corners Colorado | ccarpe18 - 2015-10-29 12:23 PM casualdust07 - 2015-10-29 11:14 AM Here's my perspective.. depends on these girls situations. There are some girls that are just horse crazy- we should all be able to relate- but don't have the blessing of getting horses like we do. When I was younger, my first reaction would have been to flip out. But, at this point in time, I welcome people to come out and see my horses, and let them ride with supervision. Yes, even our expensive 1D horses because they are actually three very gentle riding horses as long as we are within range to instruct them. I do understand the anger with having your fiance let someone ride without your permission. But at the same time, if my fiance was as knowledgeable about horses as you say, I would have trusted him in that situation. I would be VERY upset, however, if the girl got on my horse with no permission at all, or if someone at the barn i board at did that. In that instance, I would come unglued. I would hesitate to rip your fiance a new one over this. First off, he's actually out there with your horse, which is more than what some of us can say about our SOs. Second, he probably did it with good intentions. I would discuss it that he should ask first and respect your wishes whatever they may be, but... don't kill any passion he's got to be around your horses and that part of your life. Because, once they no longer give two ----- about what you do with the horses, or start to resent... you're in for real problems. Typically this is my perspective as well. But in every other case, he does not like my horse because she is grade. He only likes registered horses.
This type of scenario is the only time he pays any attention to my horse. Other than randomly throwing them some hay when I am at work in the morning. On the other hand, my other horse... 3 yr old andalusian stud cold (registered), he loves. BUT with this one, he mad handles when he get's drunk. My cold is extremely sensitive & intelligent & is now completely FREAKED out of him. So he's not allowed to mess with this one either. & he's not broke anyway.
Basically he likes to pretend the horses are his if he gets in a show off-y mood.
Um let me say don't walk, RUN the other way from this guy. | |
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 Extreme Veteran
Posts: 312
Location: KS | I agree marriage will bring more drama than this. Don't question your relationship just because of this deal. And yes I know it seems like a huge deal (and it is right now) but life/marriage is about so much more and you will go through so much more. You did the right thing by letting him know whats up. Always let them know how you feel.
Yes, Id be ****ed too if people were riding my horses without my permission especially when Im not there. Im assuming your soon to be husband thought there was no harm in it, no big deal, a lot of men are like that. (my husband included) I have an MIL who would try to get my husband to take random little girls on a pony rides, he knew from the beginning his horse would be used, none of mine. He started to ignore his mothers request after it continued, so she then tried calling me, lets just say she only had to ask me once. :)
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