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 Warrior Mom
Posts: 4400
 
| Timber Creek - 2016-01-06 3:09 PM
Sorry what I said makes you angry. I've since learned that it's most a demographic thing. I wish I could go back and edit so I could stop getting hate mail :)
Aww, I wouldn't sweat it. I think it is all in what you are used to hearing. My friend calls her dad "dad" but her older sister has always called him "Daddy" It seems normal when she says it but if my friend called him daddy, it would really make me do a double take.
It's kinda like the word "baby" my hubby calls me baby, calls his daughter that too and my daughter and his sisters daughters.. the waitress at our favorite cafe calls all of us "baby"  | |
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 Thread Killer
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| I think we've established (in a good portion of this thread) that the word "daddy" can be used by adult children without being creepy. Quit browbeating Murphy and hijacking the thread. PLEASE.
Edited by Just Plain Lucky 2016-01-06 4:16 PM
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 Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9992
Location: Kansas | Just Plain Lucky - 2016-01-06 4:14 PM I think we've established (in a good portion of this thread) that the word "daddy" can be used by adult children without being creepy. Quit browbeating Murphy and hijacking the thread. PLEASE.
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  Fact Checker
Posts: 16575
Location: Displaced Iowegian | Just Plain Lucky - 2016-01-06 4:14 PM I think we've established (in a good portion of this thread) that the word "daddy" can be used by adult children without being creepy. Quit browbeating Murphy and hijacking the thread. PLEASE.
but...but....but....I didn't get to have my "say"....My Daddy always said to call him anything we wanted as long as we didn't forget to call him to dinner on time.......LOL | |
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 Veteran
Posts: 288
| Murphy - 2016-01-06 12:19 PM
wickedstepmother - 2016-01-06 3:15 PM Murphy - 2016-01-04 10:15 AM hoofs_in_motion - 2016-01-04 1:02 PM Am I the only person that thinks it's creepy she's holding her dad's hand at 15 years old?
Definitely a counselor.
My 15 (soon to be 16 year old) niece is kinda like that also. She has massive daddy issues though. She'll look for attention anywhere. IMO, yes, it's creepy. I also think it's creepy when teenagers and adults call their fathers "Daddy".
I also suggest a counselor. Take her when you have her, it's better than nothing. This isn't a phase. It actually makes me pretty angry when people say cr@p like this. My children call my husband (step-dad from infancy ) daddy. And I am mommy. My kids are 13 and 15. There is nothing creepy about it. And actually not a speck of innapropriatness after his daughters got booted out of home. It's only creepy to people who make it that way ??
Not a problem. Sincere apologies always accepted! | |
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Warrior Mom
Posts: 4400
| wickedstepmother - 2016-01-06 2:09 PM
Been married with 3 stepdaughters for 13 years. They were toddlers when dad and I got together. We had many, many, many red flags. Inappropriate displays of affection, manipulation, lies, violent displays of anger. Hubby poopoo'd me off cause princesses couldn't possibly have issues. Biomom went nuts cause she was such a p!ss poor mother, any attempt at trying to help "her" girls by me or their dad with a therapist, doctor, speech therapy, ANYTHING was a threat and she'd go absolutely text book high conflict ex on us. Looking back, now that I'm older, I believe she has a cluster B personality disorder.
Anyways, back to my point, I never ignored, but hubby turned a blind eye and she was uncooperative and it ended up with the two younger daughters (14 & 17) committing a sex crime against my 11 year old son. They have felony warrants for their arrest and will be picked up and thrown in jail if theyou step foot in the PNW but their mom won't let them come back and face the music. Just having warrants keeps them from getting drivers licenses, passports, boarding planes, etc. And now the only is almost 18 and will be tried as an adult and go to actual prison.
Point being, get her in to a GOOD therapist NOW. Take her mother to court if you have to to. Especially with another young sibling, use my story as a lesson. Ours were raised as siblings from infancy/toddlers and they were capable of doing this to my son.
I have a feeling they too have been victims. I KNOW they have, but it's moot now. They are offenders and you don't want that for your step or bio daughters.
Wow... this is frightening! I do have two young sons too.. she use to want to shower with them when everyone was younger but I put a halt to that immediately. I'm not letting this be swept under the rug. Just because she's convinced him there's nothing wrong. I told him next time she visits and if she starts all the hand holding and thigh rubbing business I expect him to say something to her or I will. | |
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 Serious Snap Trapper
Posts: 4275
Location: In The Snow, AZ | I'm grossed out at the thought.
I think it's more jealousy than anything. But I am not an expert. My mom remarried a few years ago, to a man that has a 17 year old daughter(at that time). She hates my mom. Used to call and cuss my mom out, threaten her life, etc. When she did come around, she would try to hold her dads hand, give back rubs and even went as far as to sit in his lap. They were at a family function with his family. My mom didn't want to make a scene so stood up and left. She told him later that a display like that will never happen again, or she will divorce him. She said it was humiliating to sit there and see his daughter, darn near a woman, would try to sit on his lap.
He is very nonconfrontational as well. Never spoke to his daughter about it. But it hasn't happened again. Unfortunately they have a very up and down relationship due to his daughter. | |
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Warrior Mom
Posts: 4400
| ~BINGO~ - 2016-01-07 9:12 AM
I'm grossed out at the thought.
I think it's more jealousy than anything. But I am not an expert. My mom remarried a few years ago, to a man that has a 17 year old daughter(at that time). She hates my mom. Used to call and cuss my mom out, threaten her life, etc. When she did come around, she would try to hold her dads hand, give back rubs and even went as far as to sit in his lap. They were at a family function with his family. My mom didn't want to make a scene so stood up and left. She told him later that a display like that will never happen again, or she will divorce him. She said it was humiliating to sit there and see his daughter, darn near a woman, would try to sit on his lap.
He is very nonconfrontational as well. Never spoke to his daughter about it. But it hasn't happened again. Unfortunately they have a very up and down relationship due to his daughter.
That's what I'm afraid of.. it has put a strain on our marriage to be honest. Another thing I forgot to mention... perfume... I've worn the same perfume for years even before I met my husband... he always tells me how much he loves the way I smell... well low n behold not too long ago my stepdaughter came over reeking of my perfume... like she poured it over her whole body.. I asked if she sprayed mine on her .. she said nope I bought my own with my own money it's my favorite perfume. So for Christmas I bought her some more age appropriate scents sprays and lotions ... she was smelling thru them and said well I still like MY perfume the best... I'm not flattered , even if I should be by this. | |
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 Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| want2chase3 - 2016-01-07 9:55 AM
~BINGO~ - 2016-01-07 9:12 AM
I'm grossed out at the thought.
I think it's more jealousy than anything. But I am not an expert. My mom remarried a few years ago, to a man that has a 17 year old daughter(at that time). She hates my mom. Used to call and cuss my mom out, threaten her life, etc. When she did come around, she would try to hold her dads hand, give back rubs and even went as far as to sit in his lap. They were at a family function with his family. My mom didn't want to make a scene so stood up and left. She told him later that a display like that will never happen again, or she will divorce him. She said it was humiliating to sit there and see his daughter, darn near a woman, would try to sit on his lap.
He is very nonconfrontational as well. Never spoke to his daughter about it. But it hasn't happened again. Unfortunately they have a very up and down relationship due to his daughter.
That's what I'm afraid of.. it has put a strain on our marriage to be honest. Another thing I forgot to mention... perfume... I've worn the same perfume for years even before I met my husband... he always tells me how much he loves the way I smell... well low n behold not too long ago my stepdaughter came over reeking of my perfume... like she poured it over her whole body.. I asked if she sprayed mine on her .. she said nope I bought my own with my own money it's my favorite perfume. So for Christmas I bought her some more age appropriate scents sprays and lotions ... she was smelling thru them and said well I still like MY perfume the best... I'm not flattered , even if I should be by this.
I am going to chime in that even if bothered by her choice of the same perfume, I would taken the high road. I thought your post was going to be you bought her more of it. I feel sorry for the kids who have to see another woman with a child move in and live the life they used to have. This does not excuse inappropriate behavior but her wearing the same perfume is small potatoes. Another approach could have been "I am glad you like it, we both have great taste", don't fight her every step of the way. Even though she is 15, she is just a kid without the maturity and experience to know how to handle this situation that she sure did not ask for.
If you think there is more to it than jealousy, I hope you are able to get her help.
Edited by rodeomom3 2016-01-07 10:06 AM
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Veteran
Posts: 288
| The fact is, she's doing all this to be manipulative. I realize I sound pretty bleak but it's because for 12 years I made excuses and tried to justify abnormal behavior with normal reasoning. The fact is sometimes, they are not normal. Even if their is no history of abuse with her, at 15 she could very well be fine tuning her own personality disorder. If you want to PM me, don't be shy. I literally have been through it all regarding step kids. Trust your gut on this one. After what mine did to my son, I told my husband I understood if he wanted to keep a relationship with but if they we ever brought back to my area or my home I would divorce him. It was a very hard boundary. He was so angry with them, that their relationship is basically distroyed anyways. You don't want all this mess. I'm happy to offer any tips I might have
Edited by wickedstepmother 2016-01-07 10:41 AM
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 Expert
Posts: 1857
| This whole post is sad..... she's a child, even at 15, she's a child. It's not stepmom vs stepchild, when you married and made a commitment to the father you made a commitment to his children. The teen has issues, no one can deny that, but she needs help not judgment! It sounds to me that you both are jealous of each other, you just as much as her, the difference is you're old enough to know better and she isn't. You don't have to allow her bad behavior to happen but I would make sure that discipline for them is made out of love and she knows it. Be open and honest with her. If you see the behavior happening, say something then. Tell her that their are boundaries and even though she loves her father she needs to stay within those boundaries. Ask her why she thinks showing affection to him in that way is appropriate and I would make sure her father is present every time those discussions are made.
The whole perfume thing was petty.... I would have gave her high five and then told her the correct way to wear it! Maybe she looks up to you more than you think.
One more thing - how often does the father do things with her and see's her? does he call her everyday and check up on her, does he make an effort to be at school functions and be present in her life.... maybe she just wants his attention and this is the way she thinks she can get-To be more like you!
Good Luck! | |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 830
Location: Paradise , tx | My 15 (soon to be 16 year old) niece is kinda like that also. She has massive daddy issues though. She'll look for attention anywhere. IMO, yes, it's creepy. I also think it's creepy when teenagers and adults call their fathers "Daddy".
I also called my dad -daddy, untill the day he died And at 63. when ever I talk about him, he is still Daddy And I still call my mom momma
Edited by Tailwind 2016-01-07 11:10 AM
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Warrior Mom
Posts: 4400
| Well either way... I agree the whole scenario is sad.... I'm suggesting counseling for everyone involved... together and individually. We need an unbiased professional outlook and advice on how to deal with the feelings. I appreciate everyone's input here. If it doesn't help her or doesn't apply to her I just hope it helps me understand. | |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 912
Location: Alabama | FlyingJT - 2016-01-07 11:03 AM
This whole post is sad..... she's a child, even at 15, she's a child. It's not stepmom vs stepchild, when you married and made a commitment to the father you made a commitment to his children. The teen has issues, no one can deny that, but she needs help not judgment! It sounds to me that you both are jealous of each other, you just as much as her, the difference is you're old enough to know better and she isn't. You don't have to allow her bad behavior to happen but I would make sure that discipline for them is made out of love and she knows it. Be open and honest with her. If you see the behavior happening, say something then. Tell her that their are boundaries and even though she loves her father she needs to stay within those boundaries. Ask her why she thinks showing affection to him in that way is appropriate and I would make sure her father is present every time those discussions are made.
The whole perfume thing was petty.... I would have gave her high five and then told her the correct way to wear it! Maybe she looks up to you more than you think.
One more thing - how often does the father do things with her and see's her? does he call her everyday and check up on her, does he make an effort to be at school functions and be present in her life.... maybe she just wants his attention and this is the way she thinks she can get-To be more like you!
Good Luck!
This right here! All of this is spot on! I couldn't agree more. | |
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Common Sense and then some
Location: So. California | If you can't get her father on the same page, consider calling her school, talk to a counselor, explain your concerns and be very factual and honest. Keep YOUR emotions out of it. Then step back and let the wheels turn.
This young girl needs professional help, and right now, she is getting nothing from either parent, what a shame. You've received great suggestions, but the cold reality is that her father should step up to the plate and be her champion. I pray this young girl receives the help that she needs.  | |
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 Transplant Okie
Posts: 1206
Location: Always on call..... | FlyingJT - 2016-01-07 11:03 AM
This whole post is sad..... she's a child, even at 15, she's a child. It's not stepmom vs stepchild, when you married and made a commitment to the father you made a commitment to his children. The teen has issues, no one can deny that, but she needs help not judgment! It sounds to me that you both are jealous of each other, you just as much as her, the difference is you're old enough to know better and she isn't. You don't have to allow her bad behavior to happen but I would make sure that discipline for them is made out of love and she knows it. Be open and honest with her. If you see the behavior happening, say something then. Tell her that their are boundaries and even though she loves her father she needs to stay within those boundaries. Ask her why she thinks showing affection to him in that way is appropriate and I would make sure her father is present every time those discussions are made.
The whole perfume thing was petty.... I would have gave her high five and then told her the correct way to wear it! Maybe she looks up to you more than you think.
One more thing - how often does the father do things with her and see's her? does he call her everyday and check up on her, does he make an effort to be at school functions and be present in her life.... maybe she just wants his attention and this is the way she thinks she can get-To be more like you!
Good Luck!
Agreed. If you have never been a stepchild yourself you don't realize how hard it is to suddenly be expected to love this new parent in your life. Plus the dynamic is constantly changing when kids have to shuffle between different homes. It really is an unstable environment.
Was she close to her dad before you came along? Do you treat her differently now than you used too? (Think about that honestly). My dad and I were super close so it was hard to suddenly have someone else there when they got married. Overall my stepmom treated my pretty well, we certainly butted heads but for the most part she was good to me. However there was a definite change in her attitude towards me after they married (she worked hard to make sure I really liked her before they got married, afterwards it was like she didn't have to make the effort anymore). Then there was an even bigger change in how she treated me versus her own kids. It's very hard as a child to not feel like you are part of your dad's family anymore or that you are loved less. It is even more critical for her to feel loved and accepted at your house (by you and her dad) if there is something bad going on at her mom's. My mom had a very abusive boyfriend for years that I had to spend 1/2 my time living with.
Those dynamics left me with a lot of relationship issues that took most of my 20's, many inappropriate boyfriends and a lot of counseling to sort out.
I'm glad you are pushing for counseling. And I'm glad you want to deal this head on instead of letting it simmer. But make sure you coming from a point of love and concern for her. Not that she's doing something wrong. Please don't shame her, or make her feel bad about her feelings or behaviors. Just try to find out why she's changed. | |
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SHOOT IT
Posts: 1170
Location: TEXAS | Whether it's jealousy or something else, the kid needs counseling or help of some sort.
I do want to say, kudos to you for noticing it and bringing it to light with your husband. Hope ya'll get the help that she needs. | |
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Warrior Mom
Posts: 4400
| I'd never want to shame her nor want her to feel unloved or not important... I tell her all the time I love her and I hug her ... I do genuinely care about her and what's going on in her life to make her act out they way she has been. There are times or incidences that I don't "like" her or her behavior, better yet, but I can say that same thing about my own children and my husband. Yes I'm in total agreement her father needs to step up here and try to figure out what's going on and I have told him that. I personally don't feel I'm treating her any different but I could be wrong.. if I have I'd feel really bad. | |
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Warrior Mom
Posts: 4400
| Wanted to add, I do discipline her, when it's needed.. I don't spank or put my hands on her. I rarely spank my own unless it's necessary. There was an incident the other day where I scolded my daughter for eating in her room. She said wow, your a nice mom, mine would have beat me with that spoon. Didn't really make me think anything until later on. I've heard she's very very strict from her and other family members but I don't know ... everyone "parents" differently so I don't want to assume anything in that aspect.. | |
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I Really Love Jeans
Posts: 3173
Location: North Dakota | I call my husband daddy! | |
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