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Go Get Em!
Posts: 13503
   
Location: OH. IO | Barrelhorsehelp1 - 2017-06-05 12:33 PM
FLITASTIC - 2017-06-05 11:03 AM
The way I read it, its NOT the OP is asking for money or handouts,its the fact that the parents are being NEGATIVE when it comes to horses by calling them worthless and other things. I am not against a parent teaching someone a lesson, but you don't have to be an A$$-H doing it!!! You can advise someone that horses may not be a good financial choice WITHOUT making it a personal insult.
THANK YOU!!! This is my entire point!
My boyfriend pays rent for the apartment, granted it's not $800 but we still have the responsibility of paying!
I'm sorry if I'm not willing to sell my 40k horse, when I KNOW I will NEVER be able to afford and have paid off a horse of that price and caliber. I'm not trying to sound bratty but I've dreamed of having this barrel horse my entire life! Why would I give that up to go to college for a year to be a vet tech and still scrub by, and wish of having the open horse I have now??
I only have one other horse to sell, which I already planned on selling to make some money but I'm sorry if it's selfish of me to want to keep my once in a life time horse.
I do everything else on my own I don't see why I can't have ONE thing for me?? Just one!! That's all I ask!
You said you lived there for free and then say boyfriend pays the rent.Also,you said they paid for first year of college but WHY SHOULD YOU PAY the second year to be a vet tech?You didn't mind spending THEIR money for the first year though did you?they paid first year then you quit.As a parent I can see why they are not so giving anymore.You have a fourty grand horse and first year of college from them and no money to fix what's broke.What have you done to show them appreciation for the money that got thrown away from them? I CAN TELL YOU THIS.You need to SAVE some of your money for things that HAPPEN.If you are so put out by them complaining about the horses,sit down and think about what they see.money going out the door and no respect .Can you go live at your boyfriend's where you built your barn??How did you get money to build a barn but you can't fix your truck?SEE WHERE YOUR PRIORITIES ARE????The horses first whatever comes next last.YOU NEED TO FIX THIS WITH YOUR PARENTS!There is no better love than momma's. |
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Meanest Teacher!!!
Posts: 8555
Location: sunny california | I love how some people think they earned all their things by getting a job and getting A's. I did all that too and still got nothing handed to me. earning something is just that: earning it by getting a job and making the money to buy it. Not inheriting it, not getting a job in the family buisness making more than your worth simply because you are family, and not by marrying a sugar daddy. At 21 years old you have no idea what it is like to want something your whole life because you aint old enough to even know what that is...( a whole life). try getting up at 4 am and working 12-14 hours a day for 30 years. and do it fast not sitting around but moving quick and getting things done the whole time. Anyone can put in 12 hour days for a while and think they know what hard work is, but you really have no clue until you have done it for decades. that is how you earn stuff. |
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 Expert
Posts: 1718
Location: Southeast Louisiana | To go back you your original question of how to deal with it. You could try sitting down with them and letting them know how much you appreciate their support and you realize that you could never have what you have if it weren't for them and their hard work (your whole life and before). Let them know that you try and show your gratitude by doing well with what they give you, such as horses and school.
You should also let them know that you want to know how to better show your gratitude. This is something you will deal with your whole life to come. Know what someone else's "currency" is and show gratitude in their language, not yours. Be sincere in this. And, be prepared to follow through. Expect nothing in return. Just do what they ask. I strongly suspect at least some of it will be to take care of your mom's horse without complaining. She has taken care of you and your horses, so you do kinda owe her there.
You can make the statement that your horse is something you will keep and do whatever you have to do to keep it. But, be prepared for the consequences. Your parents might feel that you need to take care of other expenses, too, if that's how you feel.
Tell them often how much you love and appreciate them. After a few years of truly taking care of yourself and your horses, once you're standing on your own two feet, if you feel like they are really taking advantage of you, you will be in a position to remove yourself from the toxic environment. Sometimes, kids end up having to raise their parents. But, you're in no position right now to tell them much of anything about what they should be giving you (or additionally helping you with).
After you show them some maturity, you might just find that your parents are more open to having the conversation with you about what you need from them as far as emotional support for your love of horses. |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 878
Location: "...way down south in the Everglades..." | If you have a 40k horse...you shouldn't expect or even ask for a dime from anyone. Your parents are beyond generous by allowing you to live rent free. Taking care of your Mom's horse is hardly equivalant to paying rent on your own.
Sorry this is going to sound harsh, but you need some money management skills and need to re-evaluate your priorities. If you got that once in a lifetime horse, fine, no one said you need to sell it. But do you need the other two? Can you afford to save money for emergencies?
Let me ask you this...what if that 40k horse suddenly colics and you are given the option of putting it down or paying for a 10k colic surgery? Can you come up with 10k? Without asking your parents?
And as for college, you won't get any sympathy here. I paid for it all on my own despite my 4.0 high school GPA and working through high school. When I was your age I was only able to afford one POS horse and even that was a HUGE burden with paying rent and paying on a vehicle. It was the choice I made. But I never asked my parents for help for my choices. I chose to have a horse (aka luxury item). It required me working two jobs and going to school full time in order to try and get there. The world doesn't owe me, you, or anybody else anything.
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 Expert
Posts: 3815
Location: The best kept secret in TX | Get a notebook and write down every single thing your parents have paid for in your life time. Every single item. Total the cost of each item.
Then, write down what they have paid for just this year. Total those items.
Now write down where YOUR money goes. Total that.
Have you thanked them? Genuinely thanked them. Have you made a plan to pay them back for every item you have asked for and gotten? Why not? If your parents are cutting you off then it's time to grow up. If you can only borrow from your parents because they don't check credit then you're doing life wrong and they're babying you.
If you go to a tote to note lot and get a loan I promise the next time you need to pay for something that horse will be up for sale faster than you can type a facebook ad. Interest rates are killer on loans. If your horse is worth 40k then sell it. Put 10k down on a new vehicle and buy a 30k horse. If you can't afford truck payments gets a better job. If you can't get a better job to support your lifestyle then buy a $5k beater, Put 5k in a savings account for parts for that beater and take the other 30k to put yourself through school. Don't want to pay that much for school? Still want to buy a horse? Go to a community college with a 20k horse and use the rest to get a degree in something that will make you enough money to put yourself though the expensive school.
If you still don't want to do all that then I'm sorry but It's time to rip the bandaid off. 
Edited by IRunOnFaith 2017-06-06 9:20 AM
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  Fact Checker
Posts: 16575
Location: Displaced Iowegian | IRunOnFaith - 2017-06-06 9:18 AM Get a notebook and write down every single thing your parents have paid for in your life time. Every single item. Total the cost of each item.
Then, write down what they have paid for just this year. Total those items.
Now write down where YOUR money goes. Total that.
Have you thanked them? Genuinely thanked them. Have you made a plan to pay them back for every item you have asked for and gotten? Why not? If your parents are cutting you off then it's time to grow up. If you can only borrow from your parents because they don't check credit then you're doing life wrong and they're babying you.
If you go to a tote to note lot and get a loan I promise the next time you need to pay for something that horse will be up for sale faster than you can type a facebook ad. Interest rates are killer on loans. If your horse is worth 40k then sell it. Put 10k down on a new vehicle and buy a 30k horse. If you can't afford truck payments gets a better job. If you can't get a better job to support your lifestyle then buy a $5k beater, Put 5k in a savings account for parts for that beater and take the other 30k to put yourself through school. Don't want to pay that much for school? Still want to buy a horse? Go to a community college with a 20k horse and use the rest to get a degree in something that will make you enough money to put yourself though the expensive school.
If you still don't want to do all that then I'm sorry but It's time to rip the bandaid off.
 Through the four pages, a lot of the older generation has given the OP advice because we have lived it and raised our children to be self sufficient....but it is REALLY refreshing to see you and several of the younger generation, here on BHW, giving the same advice....Kudos to you and to all of your parents. |
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 BHW Resident Surgeon
Posts: 25352
Location: Bastrop, Texas | I'm not old, Norma. I'm in my prime. You are old. |
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Fact Checker
Posts: 16575
Location: Displaced Iowegian | Bear - 2017-06-06 10:22 AM I'm not old, Norma. I'm in my prime. You are old.
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 A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | NJJ - 2017-06-06 10:33 AM Bear - 2017-06-06 10:22 AM I'm not old, Norma. I'm in my prime. You are old.
This is I how I picture how Scott looks in his prime, lol..
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BHW Resident Surgeon
Posts: 25352
Location: Bastrop, Texas | Southtxponygirl - 2017-06-06 10:55 AM
NJJ - 2017-06-06 10:33 AM Bear - 2017-06-06 10:22 AM I'm not old, Norma. I'm in my prime. You are old.
I look like Gaston. |
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A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | Bear - 2017-06-06 10:58 AM Southtxponygirl - 2017-06-06 10:55 AM NJJ - 2017-06-06 10:33 AM Bear - 2017-06-06 10:22 AM I'm not old, Norma. I'm in my prime. You are old. I look like Gaston.
This fellow
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Expert
Posts: 1477
Location: In the land of peanuts and cotton | We're in the same boat.... kinda. Instead of my parents wanting me to sellout and quit and me not wanting to. I want to sell out and quit and they're not letting me. I've almost grown to hate it because of the comments my dad makes about how I'm not doing enough and nit picking everything. But when I do try to do something to help one of the horses then it cost too much money and I don't need to do it. Really can't win no matter what I do. |
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 Expert
Posts: 1304
| Just deleted everything I wrote because I want to make it shorter and sweeter.
If you're looking for your parents support emotionally, tell them how you feel but you don't need it if you support yourself.
If you're looking for your parents support financially, they don't owe it to you but if your parents are ones to help with things like that then consolidate your horses and show you're worthy of their help.
Unfortunately prioritizing may suck but it'll be worth it in the long run, trust me. I've prioritized work, school, supporting myself and can't have horses right now and have posted the past three years on here looking for one to ride near by. Lol. (and have one to ride once a week now may I add  )
But my decisions now will pay off in the long run and will allow me to have a horse and what I want later on!
Prayers you get it all figured out
Edited by blccwgl55 2017-06-06 1:17 PM
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I just read the headlines
Posts: 4483
| blccwgl55 - 2017-06-06 12:51 PM
I didn't read everything and maybe I should have. My parents have helped me in the past (with the understanding I've always had to and wanted to keep a job) but I still got scholarships and grants to cover most of undergrad and worked for 90/95% of expenses in the beginning of undergrad. I've completely supported myself for the past few years and completely put myself through grad school. I'm not trying to be like oh look at me and what I've done. BUT I'm saying this because I think a lot of us can relate to that and that we've had to give up a lot of things and prioritize. Unfortunately I don't have the resources to have a horse right now so I've posted the last three years always looking for one I can ride (and pay for, do chores for, do whatever, etc) for my horse fix. Lol. I had horses in high school but had to sell them when I got into college. As much as it sucks looking at others barrel racing and having horses at their disposal, I've had to prioritize school, work, and paying off my older truck before I can ever have a horse. My parents would help me at the drop of a hat, but I wouldn't let them pay for my hobby if I couldn't support myself. Nor let them if I could support myself anyway like I do now. I'll say again..as much as it SUCKS some days to not completely have what I want..horse DING DING DING..I am extremely thankful and feel rewarded that I've earned the means now (an education, my first real job, etc) to be able to do that in the future. I do have to say your parents may not need to be so negative against riding, but these hard decisions and choices they're making you face I don't think you'll regret in the long run. Great great lessons.
ETA: Have a talk with your parents on how you feel, BUT consolidate your horses and show them your worthy of their help.
I bet your parents are beyond proud of you! You are a good kid and an excellent example for this young lady to look to. I hope you have a jam up good horse in your future, with a lot of success in your future.  |
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 Born not Made
Posts: 2937
Location: North Dakota | Barrelhorsehelp1 - 2017-06-05 1:23 PM Years and years and of nagging and begging! They never wanted the buy the horse but I guess they just got tired of hearing it. All I heard was this will be the last time, the last time! And now all I hear is, why'd I do that? That was the stupidest thing I could have done' My mom is pregnant with another girl I have 5 brothers, I'm the only girl until now and I'm not kidding when we went to find out the sex the first thing out of munch dads mouth when the doctor said it was a girl was "and I'll make sure this one hates horses" Exact. Words. This isn't about the money spent or anything like that. It's about me wanting parents who support me even if I suck or my horses suck. It makes me so unbelievably happy, adult or not. If they don't support it the least they can do is keep it to themselves. I know horses are expensive they don't have to tell me everyday
Of course there are 2 sides to every story and we are only hearing your side, but with LIFE you will have to learn that the only person who is in control of whether you enjoy something or not is YOU.
You say that your parents are ruining horses for you.
You're letting them ruin horses for you. I get that you want their support. But if it is not there, you aren't going to make them. Take that as a life lesson. You will run across many people and many things in life, and you'll need to learn how to surround yourself with positive people -- even if that means leaving friends or family behind that don't support you.
If you are sick of hearing them complain about your horses, then move. Get your own place. Get a second job. Do what you need to do. You are in charge of your own life. You can complain about your parents (like they complain about your horses) or you can choose to do something about it.
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 695
Location: Windoming | sorry, I couldn't resist.....
I do sympathize about their negative attitude towards your horses, especially since your mom apparently likes horses. Why would they buy you such an expensive horse, and then be so negative about it, doesn't make sense.
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Expert
Posts: 3815
Location: The best kept secret in TX | NJJ - 2017-06-06 9:54 AM IRunOnFaith - 2017-06-06 9:18 AM Get a notebook and write down every single thing your parents have paid for in your life time. Every single item. Total the cost of each item.
Then, write down what they have paid for just this year. Total those items.
Now write down where YOUR money goes. Total that.
Have you thanked them? Genuinely thanked them. Have you made a plan to pay them back for every item you have asked for and gotten? Why not? If your parents are cutting you off then it's time to grow up. If you can only borrow from your parents because they don't check credit then you're doing life wrong and they're babying you.
If you go to a tote to note lot and get a loan I promise the next time you need to pay for something that horse will be up for sale faster than you can type a facebook ad. Interest rates are killer on loans. If your horse is worth 40k then sell it. Put 10k down on a new vehicle and buy a 30k horse. If you can't afford truck payments gets a better job. If you can't get a better job to support your lifestyle then buy a $5k beater, Put 5k in a savings account for parts for that beater and take the other 30k to put yourself through school. Don't want to pay that much for school? Still want to buy a horse? Go to a community college with a 20k horse and use the rest to get a degree in something that will make you enough money to put yourself though the expensive school.
If you still don't want to do all that then I'm sorry but It's time to rip the bandaid off.
Thanks Norma
My Momma had to pray a lot for me... Took a lot of Jesus and a lot of stern love before I "Got it".
Never realize what your parents do for you until they take it away.  |
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Fact Checker
Posts: 16575
Location: Displaced Iowegian | Barrelhorsehelp1 - 2017-06-05 1:23 PM Years and years and of nagging and begging! They never wanted the buy the horse but I guess they just got tired of hearing it. All I heard was this will be the last time, the last time! And now all I hear is, why'd I do that? That was the stupidest thing I could have done' My mom is pregnant with another girl I have 5 brothers, I'm the only girl until now and I'm not kidding when we went to find out the sex the first thing out of munch dads mouth when the doctor said it was a girl was "and I'll make sure this one hates horses" Exact. Words. This isn't about the money spent or anything like that. It's about me wanting parents who support me even if I suck or my horses suck. It makes me so unbelievably happy, adult or not. If they don't support it the least they can do is keep it to themselves. I know horses are expensive they don't have to tell me everyday
And you wonder WHY they have the attitude towards horses that they do? |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 899
Location: Idaho | IRunOnFaith - 2017-06-07 7:18 AM
Get a notebook and write down every single thing your parents have paid for in your life time. Every single item. Total the cost of each item.
Then, write down what they have paid for just this year. Total those items.
Now write down where YOUR money goes. Total that.
Have you thanked them? Genuinely thanked them. Have you made a plan to pay them back for every item you have asked for and gotten? Why not? If your parents are cutting you off then it's time to grow up. If you can only borrow from your parents because they don't check credit then you're doing life wrong and they're babying you.
If you go to a tote to note lot and get a loan I promise the next time you need to pay for something that horse will be up for sale faster than you can type a facebook ad. Interest rates are killer on loans. If your horse is worth 40k then sell it. Put 10k down on a new vehicle and buy a 30k horse. If you can't afford truck payments gets a better job. If you can't get a better job to support your lifestyle then buy a $5k beater, Put 5k in a savings account for parts for that beater and take the other 30k to put yourself through school. Don't want to pay that much for school? Still want to buy a horse? Go to a community college with a 20k horse and use the rest to get a degree in something that will make you enough money to put yourself though the expensive school.
If you still don't want to do all that then I'm sorry but It's time to rip the bandaid off.
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 Ms. Marine
Posts: 4641
Location: Texas | The OP got called out for expecting handouts on a silver spoon and is now MIA... interesting.  |
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