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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 597
 
| You have every right to go absolutely ballistic on this one! My horse is probably the horse to put a beginner on because he's so forgiving, one of my daughters horses is the same way, but her other horse and my sons and husband's horses are machines, they are irreplaceable, they were bought and are used for a purpose, they aren't merry go rounds. Hubby wouldn't because he knows horses (and possibly that wifey is a little cray), but in your situation I'd be PI$$ED no ifs, ands, or buts, about it I would lose my mind!
Edited by wild_west 2015-10-29 5:48 PM
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 Expert
Posts: 1718
 
Location: Southeast Louisiana | I have asked my husband not to ride or let others ride my horses. Now, if he led some family kid around on one of them, I would probably be upset and would tell him something about it. Now, if he called first and said something like, "hey, this kid really loves horses and can she just sit on one while I lead them around just this once?" I would have probably said sure, no problem. (Followed by some instructions, of course.)
What would really tick me off is if he just blew it off (before or after) and told me I was being dramatic or psycho after doing something he should have known I wouldn't like or not talking to me before messing with my horse.
I don't care what thing of mine it is, how small or insignificant you think it is... it is common courtesy to ask first. And, I think that is the bigger issue here. He is being disrespectful to you. You're not psycho, you're pi$$ed off.
It's like when someone ruins other people's stuff then says "it's just a (fill in the blank) I don't see the big deal." I hate that! YOU don't get to decide how important anything should be to someone else. Respect other people's stuff or they will get mad. And calling them psycho to make it seem like you have done nothing wrong just makes it worse. | |
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I Really Love Jeans
Posts: 3173
Location: North Dakota | As long as your horse was not in danger consider it a great lesson for your horse. The more horses are exposed to different situations the better they become! I think your boyfriend was just picking on you, that's the way men are! I have learned to not take things so serious in life, but that's what being 40 feels like Lol! | |
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 Regular
Posts: 54
| ccarpe18 - 2015-10-29 1:23 PM
casualdust07 - 2015-10-29 11:14 AM Here's my perspective.. depends on these girls situations. There are some girls that are just horse crazy- we should all be able to relate- but don't have the blessing of getting horses like we do. When I was younger, my first reaction would have been to flip out. But, at this point in time, I welcome people to come out and see my horses, and let them ride with supervision. Yes, even our expensive 1D horses because they are actually three very gentle riding horses as long as we are within range to instruct them. I do understand the anger with having your fiance let someone ride without your permission. But at the same time, if my fiance was as knowledgeable about horses as you say, I would have trusted him in that situation. I would be VERY upset, however, if the girl got on my horse with no permission at all, or if someone at the barn i board at did that. In that instance, I would come unglued. I would hesitate to rip your fiance a new one over this. First off, he's actually out there with your horse, which is more than what some of us can say about our SOs. Second, he probably did it with good intentions. I would discuss it that he should ask first and respect your wishes whatever they may be, but... don't kill any passion he's got to be around your horses and that part of your life. Because, once they no longer give two ----- about what you do with the horses, or start to resent... you're in for real problems.
Typically this is my perspective as well. But in every other case, he does not like my horse because she is grade. He only likes registered horses.
This type of scenario is the only time he pays any attention to my horse. Other than randomly throwing them some hay when I am at work in the morning. On the other hand, my other horse... 3 yr old andalusian stud cold (registered), he loves. BUT with this one, he mad handles when he get's drunk. My cold is extremely sensitive & intelligent & is now completely FREAKED out of him. So he's not allowed to mess with this one either. & he's not broke anyway.
Basically he likes to pretend the horses are his if he gets in a show off-y mood.
Dump him. Won't be long before he's "mad handling" YOU when he's drunk. Because he obviously doesn't give a **** about what you say or want. | |
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Regular
Posts: 54
| ccarpe18 - 2015-10-29 1:29 PM
hoofs_in_motion - 2015-10-29 11:21 AM people really are taking this a bit far. I'm young but still understand a little something called COMMUNICATION.
Not be immature and think about leaving him because he pulled a stupid act. Did he cheat on you? Did the girls get injured? Did your horse get injured? From what I read NO.
Ignoring him for a day or so will not solve your issues.
I'm not really going to leave him over this.
But I have tried to communicate with him about this sort of thing before. I constantly talk about how I hate when random people show up at the barn, & just go & play with my mini pigs & in this instance go & mess around with my horses.
He literally does NOT want to hear it... I tried to communicate calmy & he just continues with "this conversation is over" & that's all he has to say.
I'm 24, hes 25.
Get out now. | |
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Regular
Posts: 54
| ccarpe18 - 2015-10-29 3:04 PM
The girls were apparently friends of the family (one being his moms God Niece). Apparently his mom also got a pony ride. Thank goodness I didn't see her last night while she would have said "thank you". Of course he told his mom I got mad.
No, I do not pay for board. That was part of the deal when I moved in. His mom knows zero about animals. She likes to have family/friends over & in a sense show off what they have.
Now I had said when my fiance got drunk once he "Man Handled" my horse. This does not necessarily mean he abused him. He just likes to do things in a way in which I do not. I like to view my relationship with horses as a partnership, not like an ownership. His family is old school from Mexico, so they were raised to be more firm with horses.
*Also as an update, we just got done with lunch. We had a very calm conversation about everything. Of course since we were in public we could blow up on each other. I told him sorry I blew up, but to see it from my point of view. He was in the middle of cleaning his pig barns & trying to take care of the farrowing sows, but they "bombarded" him, so he basically did it to please & get rid of them.
Geeze, it just gets worse. If you marry this guy you will be sorry. | |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 742
| casualdust07 - 2015-10-29 1:14 PM Here's my perspective.. depends on these girls situations. There are some girls that are just horse crazy- we should all be able to relate- but don't have the blessing of getting horses like we do. When I was younger, my first reaction would have been to flip out. But, at this point in time, I welcome people to come out and see my horses, and let them ride with supervision. Yes, even our expensive 1D horses because they are actually three very gentle riding horses as long as we are within range to instruct them. I do understand the anger with having your fiance let someone ride without your permission. But at the same time, if my fiance was as knowledgeable about horses as you say, I would have trusted him in that situation. I would be VERY upset, however, if the girl got on my horse with no permission at all, or if someone at the barn i board at did that. In that instance, I would come unglued. I would hesitate to rip your fiance a new one over this. First off, he's actually out there with your horse, which is more than what some of us can say about our SOs. Second, he probably did it with good intentions. I would discuss it that he should ask first and respect your wishes whatever they may be, but... don't kill any passion he's got to be around your horses and that part of your life. Because, once they no longer give two ----- about what you do with the horses, or start to resent... you're in for real problems.
I think this is a great post.  | |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 679
Location: KS | I would be hurt if my SO did this. Especially if we already had a talk about it before. That is major disrespect. I don't care if the President came and wanted a ride. No one is getting on MY horse without me there! Whether it is bomb proof or not, it's not happening! The chances of something going wrong are high. That is crossing the line for me. Respect is one of the most important thing in a relationship. If you don't respect me, than move along! | |
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 Ms. Poutability
Posts: 2362
Location: In my own world | komet. - 2015-10-29 12:58 PM It sounds to me like your fiance is sucking up to two teenage girls.
That's what I'm trying to figure out? Forget the fact he let them ride your horse. Bigger question:
why hey the hell was two teenage girls at your house with your fiancé??
that says it all right there | |
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 Expert
Posts: 1482
Location: on my horse | ccarpe18 - 2015-10-29 12:23 PM
casualdust07 - 2015-10-29 11:14 AM Here's my perspective.. depends on these girls situations. There are some girls that are just horse crazy- we should all be able to relate- but don't have the blessing of getting horses like we do. When I was younger, my first reaction would have been to flip out. But, at this point in time, I welcome people to come out and see my horses, and let them ride with supervision. Yes, even our expensive 1D horses because they are actually three very gentle riding horses as long as we are within range to instruct them. I do understand the anger with having your fiance let someone ride without your permission. But at the same time, if my fiance was as knowledgeable about horses as you say, I would have trusted him in that situation. I would be VERY upset, however, if the girl got on my horse with no permission at all, or if someone at the barn i board at did that. In that instance, I would come unglued. I would hesitate to rip your fiance a new one over this. First off, he's actually out there with your horse, which is more than what some of us can say about our SOs. Second, he probably did it with good intentions. I would discuss it that he should ask first and respect your wishes whatever they may be, but... don't kill any passion he's got to be around your horses and that part of your life. Because, once they no longer give two ----- about what you do with the horses, or start to resent... you're in for real problems.
Typically this is my perspective as well. But in every other case, he does not like my horse because she is grade. He only likes registered horses.
This type of scenario is the only time he pays any attention to my horse. Other than randomly throwing them some hay when I am at work in the morning. On the other hand, my other horse... 3 yr old andalusian stud cold (registered), he loves. BUT with this one, he mad handles when he get's drunk. My cold is extremely sensitive & intelligent & is now completely FREAKED out of him. So he's not allowed to mess with this one either. & he's not broke anyway.
Basically he likes to pretend the horses are his if he gets in a show off-y mood.
Ok this is a major red flag here. Nobody should be getting drunk and handling your horses, showing them off and acting as they are his, or have angrily handled your horses enough time to make one afraid of him. If there is more going on here than you're telling us with him and its along the lines of this type of behavior or this happens a lot I would be at minimum seeking some premarital counseling. Someone who mishandles animals and mishandles animals drunk is not someone I would be very comfortable around personally. That's usually a great indicator of a lack of control or self discipline or as we say with our horses "a hole in his training" where that kind of behavior is ok, and its not. Not to mention that he's ran roughshod over your feelings about your animals on multiple occasions by allowing random people to ride your horses. Regardless of how he feels about them, he should feel and respect YOU enough to treat your animals and your wishes with respect.
I used to date a guy who absolutely hated my dog, she was a pit and not the brightest bulb on the tree, very bull in china shop if you will lol. Anyways he absolutely hated that dog but he took care of her at times when I would get home late and never once treated her with contempt or mishandled her. We broke up later over different reasons but this is an example of how someone should treat your animals and the things that you care about even if they don't. | |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 1131
| Now, I'm not married, engaged, nor even in a relationship at this moment. But I did (well still do) have an abusive step father. I'm not the best one to get advice from since I moved out after bashing him over the head with a lamp and putting a knife to his throat after he nearly killed one of my horses by chasing it around the pasture at 3 am with a ranger trying to let it loose. Poor horse about had a heart attack, and took me over an hour after the incident to calm the herd down enough to even get close to the horse in question (only one was the target because he is an immature a$$hat who needs to go die.... *Deep breaths*), not quite the same scenario, but needless to say, I was beyond livid that night. I did nearly kill him, and I still to this day don't regret my decision, because now he does treat my mother better because he's afraid of me. I would do it again in a heart beat.
The only horse who I would have to worry about someone riding is Archie, and he's just as crazy as I am. Everyone knows that I don't allow people to ride my horses without my permission and my presence (very few exceptions). Archie would take care of them for me though.....he's a rank bucker. haha
I would really consider the warning signs that he's giving you before you tie the knot with him, I know I wish my mother had. | |
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Meanest Teacher!!!
Posts: 8552
Location: sunny california | I think you are way to upset. Those kids are family and i think you should do your share and teach them to drive. IN HIS TRUCK | |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 1118
Location: The South | In college I boarded my horse and the barn manager's husband was an FFA teacher, and he took my horse out of his stall to use him in a horse judging halter class. I was a little peeved that no one called me to ask first (because I was raised right and I would've asked someone's permission first). But they didn't ride him (that I knew of lol) so it wasn't a big deal to me. But in your situation, aww heck no. You've already asked him not to do that and he did it anyway without asking. That is so disrespectful. Does he think he can do whatever he wants because it's his parents property?
Some big red flags from what I've read. One of my friends from school is married to a guy from a traditional Mexican family. It sounds like they have a difficult marriage because he thinks he is right no matter what, the woman should be seen and not heard, and they have young children and he doesn't believe in any sort of punishment for them when they misbehave. I don't know if that's how they are all raised there or not, just be careful. | |
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 Extreme Veteran
Posts: 312
Location: KS | kwanatha - 2015-10-29 8:05 PM
I think you are way to upset. Those kids are family and i think you should do your share and teach them to drive. IN HIS TRUCK
Nice. | |
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 Hugs to You
Posts: 7550
Location: In The Land of Cotton | If I am a repeat - sorry - but has no one mentioned that a 25 year old man was drunk with two teenagers? And, handling a horse? That to me is a red flag........................................
Sorry, life is to short to be with someone like that - but, that is my opinion. | |
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 Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9991
Location: Kansas | This whole thread is....
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 A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | hoofs_in_motion - 2015-10-30 9:50 AM This whole thread is....
LOL,,, | |
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 Lady Di
Posts: 21556
Location: Oklahoma | MS2011 - 2015-10-29 1:46 PM
How horse savy is he?
The fact that this has happened before, and he ignored your wishes......BIG RED FLAG! No way would I tolerate that kind of lack of respect. It points to so many other issues, he would be gone.
If you do decide to marry him, just remember that everything will be both of yours....not 'mine' & 'his'. Do you live together?
I have been happily married 26 years and we both still have our "mine" and "his". I would never let kids come over and take my husband's fishing boat out or drive his side-by-side w/o letting him know and asking him first. Neither would he let someone ride my horses. Not only is the liability HUGE these days, it's is simply disrespectful. How would he like it if you just came and got his truck while he was working and took two high school boys on a joyride for the afternoon?? How would he feel then? I see lots and lots of red flags here. He thinks your horses aren't worth anything, which makes me think he doesn't really think much of you, either, or he would love what you love and he would respect your wishes. I think there may be lots of underlying issues here that need to be worked out before you say "I do". No marriage is easy, but it's pretty much impossible if you're living with someone who doesn't care about your wishes. JMO | |
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Lady Di
Posts: 21556
Location: Oklahoma | kwanatha - 2015-10-29 8:05 PM
I think you are way to upset. Those kids are family and i think you should do your share and teach them to drive. IN HIS TRUCK
You and I think a lot alike, kwanatha!!
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A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | kwanatha - 2015-10-29 8:05 PM I think you are way to upset. Those kids are family and i think you should do your share and teach them to drive. IN HIS TRUCK
Like this too. ^^  | |
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