|
|
Expert
Posts: 4766
   
Location: Bandera, TX | Lana - 2013-12-28 12:10 AM Have no advice for a husband that works that many hours or away but I am a single mom. Money is very tight so I don't go to any barrel races. When I drag my son along to go riding, I bring toys and a horse for him. He can then do whatever he wants, he can ride for 5 minutes then go play, then ride again. Riding is actually really easy for us.
However I like to go to crossfit, that is a little more difficult, he doesn't like it, it's boring to him. Crossfit is right after hockey practice so it's even more difficult cause he's tired. If he's going to bahave badly so no one else wants to be there, I just don't go. I always ask him if I get to go to crossfit. If he says no, I say that's fine, no public skating for you tomorrow night. I don't get to go to crossfit, he doesn't get to go skating, he still gets hockey practice cause I had to pay for that. Only took missing a few skating times and he realized what was going on and I get to go to crossfit. I won't fight with him and make him go cause then he's just going to be bad there.
Smart Mom! You go gal. That's the way to raise a respecting young man. Being an excellent mom is the hardest thing you will ever do. Stay the course...
For the OP, Where there is a will there is a way. I'm the one that works a lot of hours (84 this past week). I manage with the help of a husband that will feed for me and college girls that I mentor will go by and put my colts on the treadmill. Since I have a high stress job the most relaxing thing for me is riding. I do it a lot of times after being up for 28 hours. It puts me in the sleep zone.
When we were first married (29 years ago) I was galloping horses for a paycheck while my husband was building several S.TX ranches, I rarely saw him. After my son was born he was "baby sat" by several trainers teenage daughters in the early morning. In the afternoons he would be in the playpen by our arena while I started x-race horses into barrel horses. I got a nice % from those horses and we needed that $ to build a house-where there is a will there is a way. When my son turned 3 we moved onto one of the ranches my husband was managing. He grew up on the back of ranch and cutting horses. If we were out and working he was right there beside us working along with us. When he was 6 or 7 my husband sent him up a canyon on his own to push cows out. His little ranch horse spooked from a dead cow (he told us he made her go right up to it then she whirled)they came across. It would be one of the first times my heart fell to my feet, out of dreaded fear. He was a young boy that loved life to the 'extreme' (I would have it no other way myself). If its something that you can deal with in relative safety to your children then make adjustments and go with the flow. You may not get to ride as often as you want but remember "quality time" for yourself alot of times makes mom 'willing' to give quality time to her children. Thanks to God my son grew into a fine young man.
I have the utmost respect for women that are raising children on there own. I would bet that you might find someone else in your community that wants an hour or two to herself if you find one trade some time out! | |
| | |
 Thread Killer
Posts: 7545
| dhdqhllc - 2013-12-28 11:29 AM
 kids are such an inconvenience.......
 You know, it really is fine to care for your children/family and enjoy your hobbies if you can manage it. | |
| | |
 Always Off Topic
Posts: 6382
Location: ND | Just Plain Lucky - 2013-12-28 10:38 AM dhdqhllc - 2013-12-28 11:29 AM kids are such an inconvenience....... You know, it really is fine to care for your children/family and enjoy your hobbies if you can manage it.
true...although the way some 'manage' it, doesn't seem to be in the kids best interests.......jmo | |
| | |
 Googly Goo
Posts: 7053
| Just Plain Lucky - 2013-12-28 10:38 AM dhdqhllc - 2013-12-28 11:29 AM kids are such an inconvenience....... You know, it really is fine to care for your children/family and enjoy your hobbies if you can manage it.
True but your priorities define your character. | |
| | |
Thread Killer
Posts: 7545
| dhdqhllc - 2013-12-28 11:42 AM
Just Plain Lucky - 2013-12-28 10:38 AM dhdqhllc - 2013-12-28 11:29 AM Â kids are such an inconvenience....... Â You know, it really is fine to care for your children/family and enjoy your hobbies if you can manage it.
 I agree. If it can be done in a responsible manner I'm all for it. | |
| | |
  A Lady with Fight
Posts: 2701
Location: NC | My kids come with me to EVERY show. There has only been ONE show that my hubby & I have been to that we didn't have kids. And that was our "anniversary" present to each other.
Hubby rides/runs too, so we try to ride when we can. He works evenings, leaves around noon, gets back after 10:30pm, M-F & every other Saturday he works 7-3. And I have class, so we try to balance both. He usually gets up early & rides before I leave for class & I'll ask my babysitter to hang around another half hour so I can swing a leg over my horse. Or I'll lay them both down for a nap & run outside to jump on one & just keep close to the house.
I haul wherever I want to go, as long as I have someone willing to hang out with the kiddos for a bit if he can't come. A really good friend came with me to an overnight show bc hubby had to work last minute. We made it work. I only left her alone with the kiddos for maybe an hour or two when I ran, & that was only at this show, since it was at an indoor & I had to stall my horse & look after him.
At normal shows, I bring a posse of sorts. LOL. They help me out with the kiddos (5 & 12months). My son (5) loves dirt, so he gets mad if he DOESN'T go to a show. He loves it. He gets to do the peewees on whatever horse is offered to him that show (he's rode several). And then plays in the dirt the rest of the time. The baby is easy. She just hangs out in the pack & play with her toys & watches brother play.
My kids enjoy the shows. They have a good time at them. And I have friends willing to help. You figure it out if you have to.
And if anyone thinks my kids are deprived, please ask my son what he would rather do for his birthday: go to a horseshow or have a party. No lie. He picked horse show. "Especially if we get to camp or stay at the hotel" His words. No lie.
You may need to sell a few if you just don't have the time. We're down to three. But it doesn't mean you can't ride at all. Just compromise with them. | |
| | |
A Lady with Fight
Posts: 2701
Location: NC | Turn3NGo06 - 2013-12-27 8:21 PM Work very long hours, like 60-70 hours week, 6 days a week. Now I'm not saying I don't like it and im happy he has a good job, but how do you juggle kids, horses, barrel racing and such without the help of your husband? My kids are getting to the age they aren't thrilled about going to the barn anymore and they are too young to leave alone. What about barrel races? I only have one person that can watch them and they aren't readily available all the time. Sometimes I feel like I should think like a single mom, but if I truly was a single mom I wouldn't have so many horses and I wouldn't race much. I'm just needing some insight, this is all pretty new to me.
For those that seem to really enjoy reading between the lines. Or jumping to conclusions. | |
| | |
 Accident Prone
Posts: 22277
Location: 100 miles from Nowhere, AR | dhdqhllc - 2013-12-28 10:29 AM kids are such an inconvenience.......
Sometimes they feel that way. Not that we would actually change anything, but there are moments when we are frustrated and have every right to feel that way. It is mostly women who are the primary caretakers. When my husband has a work thing, he doesn't think twice because he knows I will be there to care for the kids. Even if I have to forego my own outside responsibilities or things I want/need to do. I missed 2 end of year meetings for boards I serve on because he had work obligations and I couldn't find anyone to help with the kids. It's not the first time, nor will it be the last. When they were sick before Christmas, he stayed away because he had too much to do at work and didn't want to catch their cooties. So I cared for them alone, got their cooties myself and had to crawl to the door to let the dogs out because he left the house like a shot as soon as I started puking. He's a good guy and I'm appreciative of what he does for our family, but he is definitely flawed. LOL I signed up for this knowing how it would be and don't regret it. But when I want to throw up my hands and run screaming from the house searching for sanity, I have every right to that moment of resentment as long as I don't act on it. | |
| | |
A Lady with Fight
Posts: 2701
Location: NC | Three 4 Luck - 2013-12-28 12:32 PM dhdqhllc - 2013-12-28 10:29 AM kids are such an inconvenience....... Sometimes they feel that way. Not that we would actually change anything, but there are moments when we are frustrated and have every right to feel that way. It is mostly women who are the primary caretakers. When my husband has a work thing, he doesn't think twice because he knows I will be there to care for the kids. Even if I have to forego my own outside responsibilities or things I want/need to do. I missed 2 end of year meetings for boards I serve on because he had work obligations and I couldn't find anyone to help with the kids. It's not the first time, nor will it be the last. When they were sick before Christmas, he stayed away because he had too much to do at work and didn't want to catch their cooties. So I cared for them alone, got their cooties myself and had to crawl to the door to let the dogs out because he left the house like a shot as soon as I started puking. He's a good guy and I'm appreciative of what he does for our family, but he is definitely flawed. LOL I signed up for this knowing how it would be and don't regret it. But when I want to throw up my hands and run screaming from the house searching for sanity, I have every right to that moment of resentment as long as I don't act on it.
I agree. It isn't all rainbows & lollipops. | |
| | |
I Need a Xanax!
Posts: 2774
| T-Cat - 2013-12-28 9:56 AM I get frustrated and feel hopeless as well. The last two years I have gotten to spend very little time on horse back and even less time hauling to rodeos or jackpots. I work a full time job as well as my SO. Guess who has gotten to haul every weekend to rodeos while I stayed home because our youngest is less than 2 years old. That is right, my SO. The traveling/miles with a baby/toddler on top of the fact that I was not able to keep my horses legged up and ready for competition were why I chose to stay home. I was just throwing away entry fees to run an out of shape horse. I could go with, but if I am going to be responsible for a baby/toddler and not get to compete, it is easier to do that at home. My SO kept saying... "Just get someone to watch him while you run" (if we were hauling to different locations). Well, if it was only about finding someone to watch him during the time I made my runs, that would be easy. But, as you all know when you haul or are trying to keep horses competion ready, there is a lot more involved than just the time you make your runs. Our daughters, ages 9 and 11, are also not getting the riding in that they should, because I am not able to get out and help them as often as I should. This in turn means they aren't as good of riders as they could be and are missing out on something that was a major part of my childhood... time on and with my horse. So I understand the OP's plea for help. What do you do be able to ride and compete when you do not have help? No one is saying we do not appreciate our SO and the fact that they are working... we are just looking for pointers or suggestions they may help us get more accomplished with our horses.
Having kids separated by a few years has GOT to be harder than having them back to back like I did so I can sympathize with you. Mine are only a year apart and now that they are big enough to go outside and do things I'd be devestated if I was stuck inside taking care of a baby and requiring my older ones to have to "sit out" of riding and doing fun things outdoors. I don't ride much anymore and I don't compete anymore at all but my husband thinks I could "just get someone to watch them while I run" and doesn't know why I don't go to races.  | |
| | |
 Queen Boobie 2
Posts: 7521
| dhdqhllc - 2013-12-28 10:29 AM
 kids are such an inconvenience.......
 Dude, that was a little harsh. Nothing wrong with trying to do something for yourself while still being a good mother and wife. | |
| | |
Location: MT | Used2B - 2013-12-28 5:35 PM T-Cat - 2013-12-28 9:56 AM I get frustrated and feel hopeless as well. The last two years I have gotten to spend very little time on horse back and even less time hauling to rodeos or jackpots. I work a full time job as well as my SO. Guess who has gotten to haul every weekend to rodeos while I stayed home because our youngest is less than 2 years old. That is right, my SO. The traveling/miles with a baby/toddler on top of the fact that I was not able to keep my horses legged up and ready for competition were why I chose to stay home. I was just throwing away entry fees to run an out of shape horse. I could go with, but if I am going to be responsible for a baby/toddler and not get to compete, it is easier to do that at home. My SO kept saying... "Just get someone to watch him while you run" (if we were hauling to different locations). Well, if it was only about finding someone to watch him during the time I made my runs, that would be easy. But, as you all know when you haul or are trying to keep horses competion ready, there is a lot more involved than just the time you make your runs. Our daughters, ages 9 and 11, are also not getting the riding in that they should, because I am not able to get out and help them as often as I should. This in turn means they aren't as good of riders as they could be and are missing out on something that was a major part of my childhood... time on and with my horse. So I understand the OP's plea for help. What do you do be able to ride and compete when you do not have help? No one is saying we do not appreciate our SO and the fact that they are working... we are just looking for pointers or suggestions they may help us get more accomplished with our horses. Having kids separated by a few years has GOT to be harder than having them back to back like I did so I can sympathize with you. Mine are only a year apart and now that they are big enough to go outside and do things I'd be devestated if I was stuck inside taking care of a baby and requiring my older ones to have to "sit out" of riding and doing fun things outdoors. I don't ride much anymore and I don't compete anymore at all but my husband thinks I could "just get someone to watch them while I run" and doesn't know why I don't go to races.
Yes, having the kids apart in years has been hard. It is hard to watch my girls miss out on what I have worked very hard to give them. It is good for them to be out there and it is good for all of us to be able to do it together.
For those that are judging... I love each and every one of my children with all my heart, and wouldn't trade them for the world... even though the last one was not a planned pregnancy. I would just like to figure out how to have time for my horses and children at the same time. | |
| | |
Holy Fruit Loops!
Posts: 1708
Location: Colorado | My bestie set up a playpen near the arena. Kids not always happy but they learned to entertain themselves. When in the barn the playpen went into a clean stall. Later the toys were in the clean stall and the kids played in their "Barn Room". The boys would race her to the barn. She would take breaks and play with them. Throw them on a horse, etc.. It was an extra hour to load up to go to show, jackpot, etc..
A parent does NOT have to give up everything in order to be a good parent. It does children good to learn the world does not revolve around them.
Start with small steps. Make it fun and you will do fine. There will be bumps in the road but that is what memories are made from.
karen | |
| | |
| kmcsunshine - 2013-12-28 5:23 AM
CYA Ranch - 2013-12-27 10:17 PM My BFF and I had a saying years ago that we still use to this day.  Blow your nose and shut up. If your hubby is busting his hump working that hard to support you, your family and your horse habit then you need to put your big girl panties on. Appreciate what he's doing for you. If you need to go to the barn then I guess your kids are going with you. If your going to go barrel racing then I guess the kids are going with you there too. My husband has always been hard working and spent most of the past 20 years driving semi so he was never home when our kids were small. I dealt with it.Â
Agree, I've been working 60-70, for a while husband was working longer hours than I. Â Necessary if the horses were going to eat and bills be paid. Â I have not ridden but about 3 times in the last year. Â The OP needs to be glad she gets to even see her horses. Â Somedays, I leave before daylight and get home after dark..............Even with the new job when you count drive time, I will be away from home about 60 hours each week. Â Waiting for longer days, not so patient either.
SUPER ADVICE!!
Time to give kids barn jobs while you ride and teach them some responsibility rather than waiting until they are teenagers and wondering why they are belligerent .... which is kinda normal at that age without adding to it ...
No nagging on husband ... his butt is already dragging ... be positive to the kids and get their help on cleaning house and give old dad a welcome home each week .... this will boost your family togetherness more than you can imagine ...
Be conniving with your husband so you do not get left out in the be nice to Mom sequence of having a family. On your birthdays or other special days ... confide in your husband to take the kids to pick out Mom's present .... give him the store name, item sku number and or layaway number or clerks name .... WHY ?? BECAUSE YOU HAVE ALREADY PICKED OUT YOUR OWN PRESENT ... allow them to change the color etc etc or gift paper .. lol... and give everyone a big hug for making such a wonderful choice that fits your perfectly ... lol...
GOOD LUCK ... PARENTS NEED TO STICK TOGETHER OR YOU WILL GET OUT MANIPULATED BY THE KIDS ...
| |
| | |
 Banjo and Baby
Posts: 7259
Location: South of Canada and North of Mexico | CYA Ranch - 2013-12-27 10:17 PM My BFF and I had a saying years ago that we still use to this day. Blow your nose and shut up. If your hubby is busting his hump working that hard to support you, your family and your horse habit then you need to put your big girl panties on. Appreciate what he's doing for you. If you need to go to the barn then I guess your kids are going with you. If your going to go barrel racing then I guess the kids are going with you there too. My husband has always been hard working and spent most of the past 20 years driving semi so he was never home when our kids were small. I dealt with it.
WOW!! Im sorry but that was a little uncalled for!!!!!
My husband works those hours, actually more and has even worked 110 hours in one week. He does work his butt off and I appericate it but it does get hard at home - he is gone almost all year. I give up a lot as well but its the job he CHOOSES to do. I think I and other ladies can complain once in a while. Its not easy to be single yet not be single and try to juggle kids, horses a life and having a husband.
| |
| | |
Banjo and Baby
Posts: 7259
Location: South of Canada and North of Mexico | Three 4 Luck - 2013-12-28 11:32 AM dhdqhllc - 2013-12-28 10:29 AM kids are such an inconvenience....... Sometimes they feel that way. Not that we would actually change anything, but there are moments when we are frustrated and have every right to feel that way. It is mostly women who are the primary caretakers. When my husband has a work thing, he doesn't think twice because he knows I will be there to care for the kids. Even if I have to forego my own outside responsibilities or things I want/need to do. I missed 2 end of year meetings for boards I serve on because he had work obligations and I couldn't find anyone to help with the kids. It's not the first time, nor will it be the last. When they were sick before Christmas, he stayed away because he had too much to do at work and didn't want to catch their cooties. So I cared for them alone, got their cooties myself and had to crawl to the door to let the dogs out because he left the house like a shot as soon as I started puking. He's a good guy and I'm appreciative of what he does for our family, but he is definitely flawed. LOL I signed up for this knowing how it would be and don't regret it. But when I want to throw up my hands and run screaming from the house searching for sanity, I have every right to that moment of resentment as long as I don't act on it.
 | |
| |
| |
Folks on-line