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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 413
| classicpotatochip - 2014-04-26 7:58 AM
You're going to get plenty of 'you shoulds, you need tos', but my free advice is,
You need to get over it. We all have insecurities, and torture ourselves with the thoughts of what ifs. The only way to deal with it fairly to your husband (because you're not being fair), is to finally forgive the other men in your life, believe that it wasn't your fault, that **** happens, that men are men, women are women, and that the only thing to do is concentrate on being the best woman you can be, NOW.
Your husband loves just you. Or he wouldn't have married you. There's nothing to stop him being with someone else, it's true, but that's what makes a relationship exciting. That's what is exciting about my marriage, knowing that he's a very lust worthy item that loves just me. I spend my time finding ways to keep him, reassure him, and be that bad, strong, independent woman he met on the dance floor. (He likes that!!)
You owe it to yourself to be happy (see reference, pursuit of happiness). Stop worrying about IF he cheats. Be that bad ***** he loves, or that sweet chic he can't get enough of, or that quiet, mild lady, or whomever you really are. Stop worrying that you're not good enough, because you are! This boils down to you thinking that you suck, why would anyone treat you right. Get over it and be the person that you love. If you take a stand and make yourself take a break, and smile, and think, "I'm the ****.", then you'll laugh inside and do whatever it is that makes the people around you (ie your hubby) happy too.
Be confident and smile. If you're not confident, fake it. Fake the hell out of it. Eventually it becomes habit when you see all the joy that integrity, faith, and ability to change can bring! Confidence is a gateway (drug?) to all that is good in a happy life.
some of the best advice I have EVER heard. | |
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Expert
Posts: 1255
 
| You said that you don't think he ever will cheat so it sounds like you have nothing to worry about try to replace negative thoughts will good ones. | |
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Veteran
Posts: 170
| classicpotatochip - 2014-04-26 7:58 AM
You're going to get plenty of 'you shoulds, you need tos', but my free advice is,
You need to get over it. We all have insecurities, and torture ourselves with the thoughts of what ifs. The only way to deal with it fairly to your husband (because you're not being fair), is to finally forgive the other men in your life, believe that it wasn't your fault, that **** happens, that men are men, women are women, and that the only thing to do is concentrate on being the best woman you can be, NOW.
Your husband loves just you. Or he wouldn't have married you. There's nothing to stop him being with someone else, it's true, but that's what makes a relationship exciting. That's what is exciting about my marriage, knowing that he's a very lust worthy item that loves just me. I spend my time finding ways to keep him, reassure him, and be that bad, strong, independent woman he met on the dance floor. (He likes that!!)
You owe it to yourself to be happy (see reference, pursuit of happiness). Stop worrying about IF he cheats. Be that bad ***** he loves, or that sweet chic he can't get enough of, or that quiet, mild lady, or whomever you really are. Stop worrying that you're not good enough, because you are! This boils down to you thinking that you suck, why would anyone treat you right. Get over it and be the person that you love. If you take a stand and make yourself take a break, and smile, and think, "I'm the ****.", then you'll laugh inside and do whatever it is that makes the people around you (ie your hubby) happy too.
Be confident and smile. If you're not confident, fake it. Fake the hell out of it. Eventually it becomes habit when you see all the joy that integrity, faith, and ability to change can bring! Confidence is a gateway (drug?) to all that is good in a happy life.
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 Member
Posts: 42
Location: BFE | You have to be happy with your self before you can ever become secure in any relationship | |
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 Ima Fickle Fan
Posts: 3547
 
Location: Texas | Aside from what everyone else has said, it's obvious you have emotional scarring and baggage. This is normal and completely understandable. My advice is to get counseling for yourself. You need to deal with your emotional damage before you will ever feel secure and confident. And if you can't do this on your own, you need to have someone who can help you do it. | |
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Veteran
Posts: 238
| I have found that insecurities often come with spare time and thoughts. The more down time one has, especially alone, the more one's brain starts to wander. Example: Out riding at a barrel race while husband is fishing.... barely think of him, other than to know when he is meeting you later. Home alone while he is fishing.... brain starts working, you get bored, send a text, no answer, thoughts about why no answer etc. etc. etc.
Live YOUR life. Leave room for him, but don't wait for him. Pick up something that intrigues you enough to occupy your mind when you aren't physically engaging in something. Choose something new to learn about so that you use your phone to look up more info online about said subject. Even if it's barrel racing!
And other than that, give it time. You will relax into it when you actually learn you CAN trust your husband. Until then, don't EVER let him know that you don't. Fake it, like someone else said. Don't check in with him all the time and don't demand he does with you.
Good luck! | |
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