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 Purveyor of unconventional wisdom
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Location: CA | I sincerely hope the main thing people are getting from this thread is to make sure...don't wait another day to tell those you love how you feel.
One of my cancer clients had a daughter he hadn't seen since she was 2, and now she was a mother herself. I told him to go see her, and he was worried she wouldn't welcome him. I told him, it isn't about you...it is about her, and no matter what, you tell her you are sorry and you are proud of the woman she has become. He passed about 3 weeks after visiting with her and she made it to his "celebration of life". I got to meet her and see what that one visit had done for her self esteem. We chatted for probably an hour, and I really felt she needed some of those answers and that it did change her life.
So call that person you were mad at for some stupid reason, or even a big reason... tell them you are angry, but you still love them. The saddest thing i have heard is saddness that the last words were unkind. Just sayin.....
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| T turning 3 - 2014-09-08 9:30 PM I sincerely hope the main thing people are getting from this thread is to make sure...don't wait another day to tell those you love how you feel.
One of my cancer clients had a daughter he hadn't seen since she was 2, and now she was a mother herself. I told him to go see her, and he was worried she wouldn't welcome him. I told him, it isn't about you...it is about her, and no matter what, you tell her you are sorry and you are proud of the woman she has become. He passed about 3 weeks after visiting with her and she made it to his "celebration of life". I got to meet her and see what that one visit had done for her self esteem. We chatted for probably an hour, and I really felt she needed some of those answers and that it did change her life.
So call that person you were mad at for some stupid reason, or even a big reason... tell them you are angry, but you still love them. The saddest thing i have heard is saddness that the last words were unkind. Just sayin.....
That beautiful story brought tears to my eyes. Such good advice. |
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Expert
Posts: 1611
| Thank you all for sharing your thoughts and stories. Being a caregiving in the home for your own loved one is by far the hardest thing I've ever had to do. The level of stress mentally, emotionally, and physically is incomparable to any other pain. |
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Purveyor of unconventional wisdom
Posts: 17112
Location: CA | astreakinchic - 2014-09-09 8:31 AM Thank you all for sharing your thoughts and stories. Being a caregiving in the home for your own loved one is by far the hardest thing I've ever had to do. The level of stress mentally, emotionally, and physically is incomparable to any other pain.
I pray you are not doing this alone. Make sure you have a support group, and a strong one. Lean on them! You are doing God's work and He wouldn't want you to do it alone. He is with you as well, but sometimes you just need someone to help you and let you cry. ( and it is more than okay to let it out now and then. ) |
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  If it Ain't a Paint it Ain't!
Posts: 8519
Location: Mansfield, Tx | I have a question for those that let your loved ones pass at home.
My mom wants to pass a home... we have hospice coming to see her ( which she is still doing good but they are set up) panceratic cancer..
part of me is ok with her choice of passing at home b/c it's what she wants.. but then there is a pc. of me that doesn't want to walk into her home knowing that she passed in that certain spot, etc... and her not be there anymore... I don't want that memory I guess
( does that make sense) ??? Am, I looking at this all wrong? |
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If it Ain't a Paint it Ain't!
Posts: 8519
Location: Mansfield, Tx | astreakinchic - 2014-09-09 8:31 AM
Thank you all for sharing your thoughts and stories. Being a caregiving in the home for your own loved one is by far the hardest thing I've ever had to do. The level of stress mentally, emotionally, and physically is incomparable to any other pain.
I'm not a full time care giver ... BUT, I understand your stress, emotional, physical craziness that can go on...
Remember to walk away and take a moment to yourself when it's needed... BIG HUG.....
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Extreme Veteran
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Location: Somewhere in the middle of nowhere | RunningOnPaints - 2014-09-09 10:04 AM I have a question for those that let your loved ones pass at home. My mom wants to pass a home... we have hospice coming to see her ( which she is still doing good but they are set up) panceratic cancer.. part of me is ok with her choice of passing at home b/c it's what she wants.. but then there is a pc. of me that doesn't want to walk into her home knowing that she passed in that certain spot, etc... and her not be there anymore... I don't want that memory I guess ( does that make sense) ??? Am, I looking at this all wrong?
My SO's mom passed of pancreatic cancer so I understand what you are going through....it was difficult. She had her good days, one of her last days was a really good day. She spent her days at home, she was the most comfortable there but she quit wanting to go outside to even sit on the porch. She had a chair she always sat in, in the end she even ate there and when she passed, she passed in that chair. I don't think it is so much of just where they passed but when they do pass, everything reminds you of them. We still drive by her old house and still think of her. Our best memories are those of sitting at the dinner table looking at old picture albums with her until midnight. She told us which pictures were her favorites and why.....love that time we had. |
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| I understand your concern and you will very, very often be reminded of the spot that she passed in but it's not a terrible thing as so many things will remind you of her anyway. Bottom line, to me at least, is let it be her choice. Plus, like many have said, they will often have a VERY good day and seem almost like their going to be okay just a day or so before passing and that period is such much sweeter at home. |
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Purveyor of unconventional wisdom
Posts: 17112
Location: CA | RunningOnPaints - 2014-09-09 11:04 AM I have a question for those that let your loved ones pass at home. My mom wants to pass a home... we have hospice coming to see her ( which she is still doing good but they are set up) panceratic cancer.. part of me is ok with her choice of passing at home b/c it's what she wants.. but then there is a pc. of me that doesn't want to walk into her home knowing that she passed in that certain spot, etc... and her not be there anymore... I don't want that memory I guess ( does that make sense) ??? Am, I looking at this all wrong?
After she passes every time you go by that spot you will feel the loss, but after a while you will smile thinking of the good times you had. That is when you know you are healing. :) |
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 Max is Back
Posts: 6795
Location: Flat Rock,IL | RunningOnPaints - 2014-09-09 11:04 AM
I have a question for those that let your loved ones pass at home.
My mom wants to pass a home... we have hospice coming to see her ( which she is still doing good but they are set up) panceratic cancer..
part of me is ok with her choice of passing at home b/c it's what she wants.. but then there is a pc. of me that doesn't want to walk into her home knowing that she passed in that certain spot, etc... and her not be there anymore... I don't want that memory I guess
( does that make sense) ??? Am, I looking at this all wrong?
I'm sorry to hear this about your mom , I'll be praying for you. |
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If it Ain't a Paint it Ain't!
Posts: 8519
Location: Mansfield, Tx | Thanks everyone....
I will respect her wishes of course... and let her pass in her home...
My dad will still be there after she passes so we will still be going in and out of the house..
I think often of how I will handle things after she is gone and I have to go into the house... and I think I will have good days and day... Like someone mentioned.... It will bring back good memories and make me smile
after awhile I'm sure...
Thanks again... Cancer sucks... that's for sure....
My mom is a breast cancer survivor for 16 years , then to get panceratic cancer...at the young age of 65...
For all.... Stay Strong... in your FAITH.... |
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