DLV - 2014-10-17 1:10 PM

So next month I turn 30 and I still have no desire to have kids! Everyone always told me "oh you'll change your mind" "when you get older you'll want kids" etc etc.... but I still really do not! I have no desire to be pregnant, give birth or spend my time raising one or spend $1,000's on a child! When we got married, we both said we really didn't want children but now my husband has said he does and I don't! I have always said if I DID decide I wanted kids, I'd like to adopt an older child but he wants no part of that so we're at a standstill. I'm really not a baby person and don't think I'd enjoy it and knowing my husbands job, he'd not have a lot of time to spend with a child so I'd be doing most of the work. I know everyone says "when it's your own kid it's different" or "you need to have someone to take care of you when you're old" but I don't think it's a responsible decision to just have a kid in hopes that you'll like it or for "someone to take care of you" which just because you have a child is NO gaurentee that they will and the decision is irreversible obviously!! I'd be fine today getting my tubes tied and not looking back but my husband says no as he thinks I'll change my mind! Maybe in time I will change my mind but I'm 30 and don't want to be a super old parent and still don't want to so I'm thinking no! Anyone else feel this way? How do you know? I don't want regrets but really am thinking I'll never change my mind about this! It's not that I don't like kids, I am very involved with them in several ways but after a few hrs, I'm exhausted and ready to give them back to their parents! Any thoughts!?

barlracr429 - 2014-10-18 9:26 PM


Oh honey, you sound exactly like me my entire life......up until a year ago.....I'm 31.5 now, my hubby will be 38 in a couple weeks. We met 6 years ago. We maried 3 years ago. We never wanted kids. I never wanted to be pregnant or give birth. I did not want to feel a baby move inside me. I had absolutely NO interest in children. I didn't want to hold them or even look at their photos or even look at the cute videos on facebook. This past Jan we got a surprise and even though we've always been careful, we found out we were pregnant. At first I was shocked, paniced and terrified. The longer I was pregnant the more excited we both got. My husband would hold every little kid he came across and couldn't wait for his baby to get here so he could hold her and 'tree frong' her on his shoulder. I couldn't wait for her to be here so I caould see her, hold her, hear her and eventually take her to shows, buy her a pony and watch her grow. Then our worst nightmare happened. The world stopped. Aug 12, 2014 - 3 weeks before our due date, our beautiful daughter was stillborn. My pregnancy had been picture perfect. They have no reason that this happened other than she must have cut her blood supply off by turning on her cord and pressing against it. We both learned a lot this year. I went from the girl who never wanted to be prgnant or have a baby and wanted to ride my horses to the girl who would be pregnant for 100 years and who would give up my horses, my truck, my trailer, my land, even my dogs, to have my daughter back. Devastated doesn't even describe how we feel. We had so many dreams and plans for her. We were going to give her the world but she chose heaven instead and she's an angel who looks after us. We stop at the cemetery every day. Now we feel like we are in a race against the clock to have a child. But we also feel guilty for trying to have another child. We don't want our daughter to think we are replacing her. She will always be our first born, our oldest and she will always have part of our broken hearts. If we are ever blessed to have another child, the next one will be her brother or sister. At the moment we have a baby room, filled with a crib, clothes, diapers, wipes, changing pad, stoller, car seat, etc, just waiting for a baby. The way I look at everything in this world has changed this year. I would give anything to feel her move inside me again.

My advice - have a baby. You will never regret it.

Nevertooold - 2014-10-17 1:48 PM It seems everytime they do research on this subject the results are that the happiest couples are childless and I have found that to be true with every couple I know that doesn't have kids.



Personally...There is no way I would want to raise or bring a baby up in our New America. 

barlracr429 - 2014-10-18 9:26 PM Oh honey, you sound exactly like me my entire life......up until a year ago.....I'm 31.5 now, my hubby will be 38 in a couple weeks. We met 6 years ago. We maried 3 years ago. We never wanted kids. I never wanted to be pregnant or give birth. I did not want to feel a baby move inside me. I had absolutely NO interest in children. I didn't want to hold them or even look at their photos or even look at the cute videos on facebook. This past Jan we got a surprise and even though we've always been careful, we found out we were pregnant. At first I was shocked, paniced and terrified. The longer I was pregnant the more excited we both got. My husband would hold every little kid he came across and couldn't wait for his baby to get here so he could hold her and 'tree frog' her on his shoulder. I couldn't wait for her to be here so I could see her, hold her, hear her and eventually take her to shows, buy her a pony and watch her grow. Then our worst nightmare happened. The world stopped. Aug 12, 2014 - 3 weeks before our due date, our beautiful daughter was stillborn. My pregnancy had been picture perfect. They have no reason that this happened other than she must have cut her blood supply off by turning on her cord and pressing against it. We both learned a lot this year. I went from the girl who never wanted to be prgnant or have a baby and wanted to ride my horses to the girl who would be pregnant for 100 years and who would give up my horses, my truck, my trailer, my land, even my dogs, to have my daughter back. Devastated doesn't even describe how we feel. We had so many dreams and plans for her. We were going to give her the world but she chose heaven instead and she's an angel who looks after us. We stop at the cemetery every day. Now we feel like we are in a race against the clock to have a child. But we also feel guilty for trying to have another child. We don't want our daughter to think we are replacing her. She will always be our first born, our oldest and she will always have part of our broken hearts. If we are ever blessed to have another child, the next one will be her brother or sister. At the moment we have a baby room, filled with a crib, clothes, diapers, wipes, changing pad, stoller, car seat, etc, just waiting for a baby. The way I look at everything in this world has changed this year. I would give anything to feel her move inside me again. My advice - have a baby. You will never regret it.

barlracr429 - 2014-10-18 9:26 PM Oh honey, you sound exactly like me my entire life......up until a year ago.....I'm 31.5 now, my hubby will be 38 in a couple weeks. We met 6 years ago. We maried 3 years ago. We never wanted kids. I never wanted to be pregnant or give birth. I did not want to feel a baby move inside me. I had absolutely NO interest in children. I didn't want to hold them or even look at their photos or even look at the cute videos on facebook. This past Jan we got a surprise and even though we've always been careful, we found out we were pregnant. At first I was shocked, paniced and terrified. The longer I was pregnant the more excited we both got. My husband would hold every little kid he came across and couldn't wait for his baby to get here so he could hold her and 'tree frog' her on his shoulder. I couldn't wait for her to be here so I could see her, hold her, hear her and eventually take her to shows, buy her a pony and watch her grow. Then our worst nightmare happened. The world stopped. Aug 12, 2014 - 3 weeks before our due date, our beautiful daughter was stillborn. My pregnancy had been picture perfect. They have no reason that this happened other than she must have cut her blood supply off by turning on her cord and pressing against it. We both learned a lot this year. I went from the girl who never wanted to be prgnant or have a baby and wanted to ride my horses to the girl who would be pregnant for 100 years and who would give up my horses, my truck, my trailer, my land, even my dogs, to have my daughter back. Devastated doesn't even describe how we feel. We had so many dreams and plans for her. We were going to give her the world but she chose heaven instead and she's an angel who looks after us. We stop at the cemetery every day. Now we feel like we are in a race against the clock to have a child. But we also feel guilty for trying to have another child. We don't want our daughter to think we are replacing her. She will always be our first born, our oldest and she will always have part of our broken hearts. If we are ever blessed to have another child, the next one will be her brother or sister. At the moment we have a baby room, filled with a crib, clothes, diapers, wipes, changing pad, stoller, car seat, etc, just waiting for a baby. The way I look at everything in this world has changed this year. I would give anything to feel her move inside me again. My advice - have a baby. You will never regret it.

dashnlotti - 2014-10-18 11:27 PM This is one of the reasons my fiance and I don't want to have children.  I've never wanted them, I've always known.  He knew how I felt but after we had been together a few years and it was obvious we would be together forever, we had a serious talk about it.  When we first started dating he did say he wanted kids.

I told him, "I need you to accept NOW, that I don't want kids.  I understand if you can't, but I don't want to be 40 and get blamed for 'not giving you children'."  He said he wanted to be with me, end of story!

I am not that great with kids, don't like them in general, don't even hold little babies, etc.  He, on the other hand, LOVES kids and they love him.  But his reason for not wanting any of his own is the world we live in.  We live in a horrible place that is only getting worse as each day goes by- I can't imagine bringing a child into this mess.  We decided long ago we would be the cool aunt and uncle, and I do love his two nephews- two of the only babies I like!



Some people-family!-make inappropriate comments sometimes, but whose family doesn't lol.  I suspect he had a talk with his mother because she no longer makes the, "Oh, you will change your mind," comments.  My favorite line is, "You'll slip up one day and get pregnant!" Gee, thanks-been going babyless for over six years now, it isn't that hard to avoid.

For reference, I'm 24 and fiance is 27. 

Of course, we have talked about how we would parent IF we ever had kids-that's part of a relationship.