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Veteran
Posts: 120
| Just keep something in mind.....you never know whats going on inside a marriage. I'm not saying that infedility is right, I'm just saying its not our place to judge. This happened to me when I was 19 and it was devastating. I was so mad at my mom...but no matter how mad I got..she was still my mom.....as an adult, and a marriage of my own, my understanding of life,marriage, kids and family is far more comprehensive now than it was back then. With long talks and with a new understanding, I actually understand what happened with my parents. We are now a very happy family and I love my step dad and my mom. You are hurt and you are angry and possibly to young to understand the dynamics of marriage. You loved your dad before this happened and I can promise you, you will not stop loving him. You may not respect his choices, but someday you may have a better understanding. Until then, pray for them and pray for strength to face each day. I promise you will find it. |
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 Looking for Lady Jockey
Posts: 3747
   
Location: Rodeos or Baseball games | I am so sorry you are going though this. I too have been in your shoes. Long story short I never kept in touch with my Dad and he passed in a sudden accident at 59 and I have regrets everyday about the things I should have done and said.
Even if your Dad is going though a crisis there is NO need to cheat!!!! That is a horrible excuse!
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 Expert
Posts: 3782
Location: Gainesville, TX | No advice, but lots of hugs and prayers.  |
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  Living on the edge of common sense
Posts: 24139
Location: Carpenter, WY | hugs to you. You sound young and I would hope before you become too full of hate and anger towards your father you might seek quidance from your pastor or school counselor. Support your mom all you can as I'm sure she needs it right now. If you have a job, bring home a bag of groceries now and then or chip in 20 bucks towards a electric bill and skip entry fees for a weekend and a extra hug or I love you will go a long way.
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boon
Posts: 3
| Thanks for the responses....they all help. If he thinks life will be easy with her, it won't. She has no job and doesn't rope good enough to make a living at it. I know that so immature but it's true. She didn't even want her kids. Like really? If he doesn't stay with her and separates from mom, I'll maybe forgive him. Stay with her--I doubt we'll speak again. He was flaunting their relationship at 2 of the largest rodeos in the area--cheating is one thing. Parading it around? That's about as f*cking disrespectful as it gets. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 963
Location: Deep in the heart of Texas. | Prayers for you and your family . |
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 Thread Killer
Posts: 7545
| (((Hugs))) I'm sorry you're going through this. It sounds like your dad is making some really bad and hurtful decisions besides the cheating. Yeesh. .. |
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 Extreme Veteran
Posts: 554
| Hugs to you!! My dad did the same thing. I was mad, I got over it and forgave him. This happens more than you think. There are worse things in life than this, and in time this will pass. Be there for your mom and do what you can to help her out. One of the life lessons is when you think you know someone, sometimes you don't. My dad moved his married girlfriend in his grandmothers home and shipped her off to a nursing home. The kicker he was, he got mad at his married girlfriend for cheating when she had 3 other boyfriends on top of him and being married. He told my mom during the divorce no one will tell me what to do ever. Okay his married girlfriend told him when he could call, to run to the bathroom, every minute of the day. Hope this story makes you laugh, cuz I laugh at it. There was way more to this story than what I told. |
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Duct Tape Bikini Girl
Posts: 2554
| I am 51 now, but when I was 6 my mom caught my 40 year old dad cheating on her. She put my sister and I in the car, drove back to Arkansas and never looked back. My mom was 37, and she never remarried. My dad was never a part of my life again. It hurts, but it will make you a stronger person. So sorry you are having to deal with this. |
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| Prayers to you, your mom and your family--this garbage is happening way too often nowadays. Your mom really should be consulting an attorney-a lot of times the initial consultation is free.
It is surprising to me how much cheating is just accepted today-if it doesn't affect someone personally, people just don't seem to be bothered by it compared to 15-20 years ago. So, I wouldn't worry to much about people talking. I had a family member who was cheated on - his wife was sleeping with a married man (whose wife kicked him out). He just kept forgiving and trying (while she just kept cheating with her boyfriend-even took her own kids on her "dates"). It affected his kids and other family members-who all knew what was going on--but the small town where they lived, everybody just shrugged like it was OK.
I hope you can find some peace in all this mess-it will take time but keep the faith. |
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 Do You Feel Lucky Punk?
Posts: 3156
Location: NM...the Land of Manana | Graceisgone - 2014-10-23 2:19 PM Thanks for the responses....they all help. If he thinks life will be easy with her, it won't. She has no job and doesn't rope good enough to make a living at it. I know that so immature but it's true. She didn't even want her kids. Like really? If he doesn't stay with her and separates from mom, I'll maybe forgive him. Stay with her--I doubt we'll speak again. He was flaunting their relationship at 2 of the largest rodeos in the area--cheating is one thing. Parading it around? That's about as f*cking disrespectful as it gets.
What most cheaters don't realize is that they are not only cheating on their spouse, they are cheating on their children as well. Don't let this make you bitter or color your future relationships. Be there for your mama and let your dad go about making an ass out of himself and see who comes out happier in the end. God bless you, I know how it feels. My mom cheated and I have been cheated on, sort of shakes your self confidence. |
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 Expert
Posts: 2161
Location: NW. Florida | Lightfoot - 2014-10-24 8:39 AM Graceisgone - 2014-10-23 2:19 PM Thanks for the responses....they all help. If he thinks life will be easy with her, it won't. She has no job and doesn't rope good enough to make a living at it. I know that so immature but it's true. She didn't even want her kids. Like really? If he doesn't stay with her and separates from mom, I'll maybe forgive him. Stay with her--I doubt we'll speak again. He was flaunting their relationship at 2 of the largest rodeos in the area--cheating is one thing. Parading it around? That's about as f*cking disrespectful as it gets. What most cheaters don't realize is that they are not only cheating on their spouse, they are cheating on their children as well. Don't let this make you bitter or color your future relationships. Be there for your mama and let your dad go about making an ass out of himself and see who comes out happier in the end. God bless you, I know how it feels. My mom cheated and I have been cheated on, sort of shakes your self confidence.
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 I keep my butt inside
Posts: 3281
Location: Weatherford, Texas | It is very common unfortunately. I don't have a relationship with my father because he left my mom and my sisters and I for younger girls. He sticks around early 20s. The problem is he would be angry and take things out on my sisters and I for not "respecting" them like they are "much more mature" than my sisters and I (his words). The latest went to a community college some and still lived at home.
There are two ways this works- you talk to him and clear the air about what the situation is. He is going to have to respect your feelings and make up to you the hurt he caused. If he chooses the new girl over you then don't fight it- just walk away.
I am getting married in April and it does sting that I don't have my Dad there to walk me down the aisle or do the father daughter dance (he will be invited but not to do those things), but I am a much happier person since I cut those ties. (He actually blew up one day and told me not to think of him as a father, when he cooled down I held him to it).
What happened in the relationshpi you have to break yourself away from- don't let yourself get so defensive for your mom----bc you will. But remember- a Daddy will make things right even in a divorce. someone that is not a good true Daddy won't and is not worth your time. |
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I Really Love Jeans
Posts: 3173
Location: North Dakota | I am sorry for what has happened! My dad cheated on my mom and when she found out she filed for divorce and moved in with another man, so I guess they were both tired of each other. My mom remarried and my dad dumped the woman he cheated with and ended up getting married to the first person he met after the divorce. Both of my parents made new lives for themselves and moved on. I ultimately ended up with my grandmother because my mother became aggressive towards me and my dads new wife made him kick me out when I was 14. I always had a 3.85 gpa and never got in trouble and never talked back etc... but they still did not want me around. I graduated college, got married, had children etc.. and I moved on. After not really dealing with my father for 20 years I decided that everyone makes mistakes and decided to forgive him. He was living alone because his new wife decided to leave him when he started having health issues and couldn't work anymore, she moved on to someone else when he couldn't pay her way anymore. Anyway like I said I did forgive him. This past Christmas 2013 I decided to take all my children to his home and surprise him with a christmas tree and gifts. He cried and sat around and told different stories to my children he didn't really know. Four months later I got a call from my sister that he was in the hospital with the flu, he died two days later, I heard the phone ring, my husband came into the living room, sat beside me and got me by the hand and told me my dad died! He has been gone since this past April. I am blessed I decided to go see him when I did! What we forget is that our parents are also humans and they need to live their own lives. Maybe divorce was better for them even though it was not good for me as a kid. My point is don't push away your dad, he will not live forever! |
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| cooper08 - 2014-10-24 2:57 PM It is very common unfortunately. I don't have a relationship with my father because he left my mom and my sisters and I for younger girls. He sticks around early 20s. The problem is he would be angry and take things out on my sisters and I for not "respecting" them like they are "much more mature" than my sisters and I (his words). The latest went to a community college some and still lived at home. There are two ways this works- you talk to him and clear the air about what the situation is. He is going to have to respect your feelings and make up to you the hurt he caused. If he chooses the new girl over you then don't fight it- just walk away.
THIS is the part that is beyond belief to me--how the cheaters just expect the kids to accept "new mommy" or "new daddy" without saying a word--and the new piece gets cranky and tries to cause problems when the children don't fawn over them like their parent does.
You are right--if they choose a piece over their children there's not much you can do--they are too broken in the head for kids to try and reason with them. Maybe someday they will see the light. |
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 Famous for Not Complaining
Posts: 8848
Location: Broxton, Ga | banjomia - 2014-10-22 11:04 AM Just keep something in mind.....you never know whats going on inside a marriage. I'm not saying that infedility is right, I'm just saying its not our place to judge. This happened to me when I was 19 and it was devastating. I was so mad at my mom...but no matter how mad I got..she was still my mom.....as an adult, and a marriage of my own, my understanding of life,marriage, kids and family is far more comprehensive now than it was back then. With long talks and with a new understanding, I actually understand what happened with my parents. We are now a very happy family and I love my step dad and my mom. You are hurt and you are angry and possibly to young to understand the dynamics of marriage. You loved your dad before this happened and I can promise you, you will not stop loving him. You may not respect his choices, but someday you may have a better understanding. Until then, pray for them and pray for strength to face each day. I promise you will find it.
Very well said...........no one knows what goes on behind closed doors even if one lives inside the doors............best thing to to is just love them both............ |
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Member
Posts: 23
| Less than 10% of relationships/ and or marriages stay together when they start with infidelity. Your Dad may want to return home at some point. |
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