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 Extreme Veteran
Posts: 312
Location: KS | Ok, way off topic, but have a question for you. I've posted on here before about my difficult inlaws 
Im sure some know what Im going through.
Newest news, let me know what you think.
I married a Catholic man almost 5 year ago, we married in my church (Lutheran) without his fathers blessing, because it was not in his preferred church. Anyway this past week I vowed to have a good attitude through all our Christmas's which I did successfully, but during my husbands (just immediate family one) I came really close to losing.
His father proceeded to tell one of his brothers that marrying outside of the church and a non-Catholic woman (he was referring to a cousin that's getting married this next year during lent, which is not allowed in the church, completely respect that, but cousin was not planning on getting married in his church but instead his soon to be wife's, like my husband did, to each their own) is a complete waste of time, his words exactly. If I had been close enough to hear and be apart of the conversation OH would that man have heard a word or two from me.
He believes that no other faith exist but the Catholic one, believes that a man and woman should both be Catholic before they are married or they are doomed for divorce. If you are not married in the Catholic church you marriage is meaningless. You will not succeed.
I am still a practicing Lutheran and his son still Catholic, so im assuming he was referring to us as well, someday ill get the chance to ask him. My husband and I are very happy.
And I mean no disrespect towards the Catholic faith because I know this is not what they teach (my dad is Catholic), but who in their right mind would say something like this.
I've been told several times I need to let everything they say go. Its just sometimes really hard when the CrAZIES, I mean inlaws come out. | |
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 I Am Always Right
Posts: 4264
 
Location: stray dump capital of the world | Let it go. It's not worth the drama in your family, and you can prove him wrong with the success of your marriage. He is set in his ways, and you know you won't change his mind. At some point he will accept it, but in the meantime kill him with kindness. | |
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 Expert
Posts: 3815
 
Location: The best kept secret in TX | Let it go. Let it Goooo! Oh sorry, thought we were singing Frozen....
Lol But yes, let it go.  | |
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Common Sense and then some
Location: So. California | Catholics and Protestants have been fighting for centuries over which is the true Christian religion.
Their bibles are even a bit different. The Protestant bible contains 39 books, whereas the Catholic bible contains 45 books (Tobit, Judith, Wisdom, Ecclesiasticus, Baruch, First and Second Maccabees) Some take this to the extreme and do not accept anyone of a different faith.
I would just ignore it and let it go. There is no changing your FIL's opinion on this. Ask God for the patience to deal with your FIL when you are around him and remember that he is one of God's children too, and none of us are perfect. 
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 A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | Just let it go, you all ready know how this man feels, so dont add any more fuel to this mess. | |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 312
Location: KS | OK, I will Frozen it and LET IT GO! I had planned on it, but answer me this. When it comes to baptizing our someday children most likely outside the Catholic church do I even try to include them when I know they are going to refuse to be a part of it and throw a major fit about it. To me that's something your family is included in, my parents will be there, but I don't want to listen to it in the future either. Its fine if they want to be set in their ways but I shouldn't have to put up with what is said about me and act like everything is ok when they tell me how wrong it is to raise children outside their church. So I ignore it, don't include them, and we all live with it? Or I try to include them and then have to listen to their protests? | |
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I just read the headlines
Posts: 4483
| Peewee212 - 2015-12-29 10:34 AM
OK, I will Frozen it and LET IT GO! I had planned on it, but answer me this. When it comes to baptizing our someday children most likely outside the Catholic church do I even try to include them when I know they are going to refuse to be a part of it and throw a major fit about it. To me that's something your family is included in, my parents will be there, but I don't want to listen to it in the future either. Its fine if they want to be set in their ways but I shouldn't have to put up with what is said about me and act like everything is ok when they tell me how wrong it is to raise children outside their church. So I ignore it, don't include them, and we all live with it? Or I try to include them and then have to listen to their protests?
We are Catholic. My brother married my SIL in the Church of Christ church with our priest there at the alter to give his blessing. Father Joe's reasoning was that they were going to get married in the Church of Christ church anyway, so he may as well be there to give them the Catholic blessing, too. The first pastor at the Church of Christ threw a fit and refused to do the ceremony, but they found another pastor who agreed to Protestant/Catholic wedding. Why couldn't you do that at a baptism? Then if he throws a fit, its all on him.
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 A Barrel Of Monkeys
Posts: 12972
Location: Texas | I feel for you. I had to put up with that from my MIL, and my ex was not man enough to stand up to her. Maybe your husband needs to have a heart to heart with his parents and tell them to keep their opinions to themselves. | |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 312
Location: KS | GLP - 2015-12-29 10:47 AM
Peewee212 - 2015-12-29 10:34 AM
OK, I will Frozen it and LET IT GO! I had planned on it, but answer me this. When it comes to baptizing our someday children most likely outside the Catholic church do I even try to include them when I know they are going to refuse to be a part of it and throw a major fit about it. To me that's something your family is included in, my parents will be there, but I don't want to listen to it in the future either. Its fine if they want to be set in their ways but I shouldn't have to put up with what is said about me and act like everything is ok when they tell me how wrong it is to raise children outside their church. So I ignore it, don't include them, and we all live with it? Or I try to include them and then have to listen to their protests?
We are Catholic. My brother married my SIL in the Church of Christ church with our priest there at the alter to give his blessing. Father Joe's reasoning was that they were going to get married in the Church of Christ church anyway, so he may as well be there to give them the Catholic blessing, too. The first pastor at the Church of Christ threw a fit and refused to do the ceremony, but they found another pastor who agreed to Protestant/Catholic wedding. Why couldn't you do that at a baptism? Then if he throws a fit, its all on him.
I guess I didn't think of a baptism being something we could have blessed by the Catholic church as well. Im not sure how that works.
We had our marriage blessed in the Catholic church a few months later, we had to wait a certain period because we did not have a 6 month engagement. It was something I did solely for my husband. I will look into this when the time comes. Thank you.
My husband has been around his parents long enough to know there is absolutely no changing their minds. They don't just say these kinds of things to us, they'll tell a complete stranger or extended family where they think their children should be baptized, etc. His mother once told a cousin their children were going to hell because they weren't baptized yet and I actually can almost bet that something was said to the cousin that's getting married Easter weekend outside the church. And it took time but I realize now why my husband ignores or disregards what comes out of their mouths, I for one have always stood my ground (we've been through more than just few disagreements and they no how I feel about their opinions)
But they are still my husbands parents, he has no control over their actions, only thing he can do is stand by me. And as long as they know their not going to have control over our lives, I don't care how they live theirs, I just have to think about my family when it comes to letting them be a huge part of our lives.
I will love from a distance, its just harder to do this during the holidays. | |
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The Advice Guru
Posts: 6419
| Peewee212 - 2015-12-29 10:34 AM
OK, I will Frozen it and LET IT GO! I had planned on it, but answer me this. When it comes to baptizing our someday children most likely outside the Catholic church do I even try to include them when I know they are going to refuse to be a part of it and throw a major fit about it. To me that's something your family is included in, my parents will be there, but I don't want to listen to it in the future either. Its fine if they want to be set in their ways but I shouldn't have to put up with what is said about me and act like everything is ok when they tell me how wrong it is to raise children outside their church. So I ignore it, don't include them, and we all live with it? Or I try to include them and then have to listen to their protests?
Whatever you and your husband decide about your children, I suggest telling his family while you are together, at an end of a meal when you are ready to leave.
You tell it how it is, be firm, not open for debate, if they want to be a part of their grand baby's memorable moment you would be honoured, but if they choose not to you respect their decision. Then walk away.
That way your fil can vent to his wife, and you don't have to hear about it. | |
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 Bulls Eye
Posts: 6443
Location: Oklahoma | Peewee212 - 2015-12-29 10:34 AM
OK, I will Frozen it and LET IT GO! I had planned on it, but answer me this. When it comes to baptizing our someday children most likely outside the Catholic church do I even try to include them when I know they are going to refuse to be a part of it and throw a major fit about it. To me that's something your family is included in, my parents will be there, but I don't want to listen to it in the future either. Its fine if they want to be set in their ways but I shouldn't have to put up with what is said about me and act like everything is ok when they tell me how wrong it is to raise children outside their church. So I ignore it, don't include them, and we all live with it? Or I try to include them and then have to listen to their protests?
My husband was raised catholic, I'm still a practicing Lutheran. My daughter from a previous marriage is baptized as a Lutheran. My husband is not a practicing Catholic, so our future child or children will be raised Lutheran. | |
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Nut Case Expert
Posts: 9305
Location: Tulsa, Ok | I think you husband needs to step up and handle his family and related situations both present and future. | |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 312
Location: KS | SC Wrangler - 2015-12-29 6:15 PM
I think you husband needs to step up and handle his family and related situations both present and future.
I think he's done a pretty good job. After he ask me to marry him, I was just getting ready to graduate college and we had talked about marriage close to a year prior, I wanted to wait till I was out of school and home, but we decided together to get married in my church, he felt it was more my choice anyway, but some do believe the man can choose I just come from a family where the woman kinda plans the wedding, to each their own. Anyway we had a short engagement which we were all ok with minus his folks. I went home one weekend my husband picked the month and told me to pick the weekend and I ask my Pastor to marry us, my mom and me picked the reception location and we booked a band, it all fell into place, it was obviously meant to be.
Well as soon as his parents got word that we were getting married in my church, his dad told him he was kicking him out of his rental, they both told him they would not be there if he was going to get married in a Lutheran church. He stood by me said he didn't care where we got married as long as he got to marry me. I stood in his moms kitchen one day a week or two later and she ask me if I was really doing this. I told her everything was booked and told her when it was, ask her if she was planning on coming, she informed me she didn't know yet, she then asked me if she could do anything, I told her if she wasn't planning on coming I didn't need her to do anything for us. And I didn't let her, she called me three days before the wedding and asked if she could do the rehearsal supper, I told her my mom and I have it planned. Well she ended calling my mom and my mom let her do it, which was nice of her I guess. His mother did end up coming to our wedding, his dad did not. But he had went around saying all these things, making a complete mule out of himself, it would have looked even worse for him if he did come. Lets just say he made this community look at him alot different afterwards, we live in small area where everyone knows your dog.
I don't think you could get him to admit it, but I bet he regrets it. It took me over a year to really have a simple conversation with him. But this man was sure if he said enough stuff complained enough I would give in, I was never giving in and I haven't put up with anything from them since, but they have and will miss out on truly knowing the woman their son loves.
And you wouldn't believe how many people on our wedding night told us how proud they were that we stuck up for ourselves and did what we wanted.
So I feel like I have a pretty good man, well see what they next 25+years bring. Sorry for the book. | |
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Expert
Posts: 1314
Location: North Central Iowa Land of white frozen grass | I was raised a Methodist and my mother always told me not to date Catholics. I dated some very nice catholic girls and I know it really bothered her. I just can't understand how religion is supposed to be so great when it creates so much hatred in people. I guess that is why I am just a guy that loves this mother earth and all her beauty. The earth has no religion. The sun is going to come up in the East every morning. Religion has just been invented by some very old people for mind control of the people beneath them.
Edited by BS Hauler 2015-12-29 9:47 PM
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Expert
Posts: 3147
| Sounds to me like you have a prince of a husband! | |
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Red Bull Agressive
Posts: 5981
Location: North Dakota | Your father in law sounds like my mother. We are Catholic and she believes that it is the ONLY acceptable form of Christianity. I am so glad my BF is Catholic so we don't have to have that talk lol. Anway, if he's anything like her, the best thing to do is smile, nod, and walk away. It's like talking to a brick wall and clearly no opinions are going to be changed so why bother fighting about it? | |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 915
Location: SE KS | Peewee212 - 2015-12-29 8:58 PM
SC Wrangler - 2015-12-29 6:15 PM
I think you husband needs to step up and handle his family and related situations both present and future.
I think he's done a pretty good job. After he ask me to marry him, I was just getting ready to graduate college and we had talked about marriage close to a year prior, I wanted to wait till I was out of school and home, but we decided together to get married in my church, he felt it was more my choice anyway, but some do believe the man can choose I just come from a family where the woman kinda plans the wedding, to each their own. Anyway we had a short engagement which we were all ok with minus his folks. I went home one weekend my husband picked the month and told me to pick the weekend and I ask my Pastor to marry us, my mom and me picked the reception location and we booked a band, it all fell into place, it was obviously meant to be.
Well as soon as his parents got word that we were getting married in my church, his dad told him he was kicking him out of his rental, they both told him they would not be there if he was going to get married in a Lutheran church. He stood by me said he didn't care where we got married as long as he got to marry me. I stood in his moms kitchen one day a week or two later and she ask me if I was really doing this. I told her everything was booked and told her when it was, ask her if she was planning on coming, she informed me she didn't know yet, she then asked me if she could do anything, I told her if she wasn't planning on coming I didn't need her to do anything for us. And I didn't let her, she called me three days before the wedding and asked if she could do the rehearsal supper, I told her my mom and I have it planned. Well she ended calling my mom and my mom let her do it, which was nice of her I guess. His mother did end up coming to our wedding, his dad did not. But he had went around saying all these things, making a complete mule out of himself, it would have looked even worse for him if he did come. Lets just say he made this community look at him alot different afterwards, we live in small area where everyone knows your dog.
I don't think you could get him to admit it, but I bet he regrets it. It took me over a year to really have a simple conversation with him. But this man was sure if he said enough stuff complained enough I would give in, I was never giving in and I haven't put up with anything from them since, but they have and will miss out on truly knowing the woman their son loves.
And you wouldn't believe how many people on our wedding night told us how proud they were that we stuck up for ourselves and did what we wanted.
So I feel like I have a pretty good man, well see what they next 25+years bring. Sorry for the book.
I feel for your MIL, she seems to accept you & at least tried, but is also married to a horses ass!! | |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 312
Location: KS | Sadly, she has not excepted me (5 years later), this was just the beginning, she took her husbands side, but for the sake of what others would have thought if she wasn't at her own sons wedding she chose to go. So yes, I guess she accepted the fact that they weren't getting their way, but I have been treated very poorly by her since.
I have a sister inlaw who is Catholic that has been treated much better and she knows this, she has been an amazing sister in law, from a true Catholic family, she or her family would never treat me like her inlaws have. | |
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